A Universe Is Trapped Inside A Tear
by MamzelleHermy
Summary: What would happen if Gaius died before Leon and Percival rescues him? How would Merlin react and would his friends be abble to help him? AU to 4x13 Character death obviously. Last chapter now online.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi Merlin's fans ! **_

_**So, here is my third Merlin story. This plot just attacked me while as was watching episode 13 and I couldn't get it out of my head. I'm not quite sure where this is leading but I wanted to post it. It's also some sort of a new writing style for me. Not sure it's good or not. So I really hope you will leave me a little review to tell me what you think of that story. Feel free to say anything, good or bad, I take any comments.**_

_**I took a long time to find a tittle and today I was listening to the song MK Ultra of Muse and was thinking of how this could really fit with Merlin and I though : Why not ? If you have any ideas of tittle that would fit better don't hesitate either I'm really bad at that tittle-finding stuff...**_

_**Enough talking ! Time for you to read ! Enjoy !**_

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><p><strong><em><span>Chapter 1:<span>_**

Gwaine watched worriedly as Elyan tried once more to get Gaius to eat the bread he just won. It wasn't much but they both hoped that it would help the old man survive until rescue come. The Knights didn't doubt that rescue will come. They had faith in their King. What they were worried about was the Physician. The man seemed weaker and weaker as the days get past. He claimed that he wasn't worry however because he knew that he would die and that was what petrified Gwaine a bit more every day. He knew that the mind was what really determined you survival in critical situations. And Gaius… Gaius looked like he had resigned himself to die. He exchanged a look with Elyan as the Knight came to sit back beside him but no words were exchanged. Words were useless in their situation. The silence enveloped them like a blanket and the cell was dark, illuminated only by the cold shine of the moon and the flickering gold light of the torch at the end of the corridor. Gwaine shivered in his undressed state. He felt bone tired but inquietude was keeping him awake. Elyan was asleep in a corner of their cell, hunched on himself. Gwaine knew that wouldn't last long. Since his interrogation the youngest man seemed to suffer from nightmares and sleeping only a few hours each night but Gwaine never said anything. One more subject they were avoiding.

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><p>He must have dozed off because when he looked up, Gwaine saw the sky lighting itself, a red sparkle coloring the dull grey of the dawn. He sighted and rubbed the nape of his neck.<p>

"Finally awake sleepyhead" commented warily Elyan.

"Oh shut up Elyan. And I've already told you that's Sir Gwaine to you. Have a bit of respect." He retorted grumpily.

"Only if you call me Sir Elyan." The Knight answered back with a slight grin that didn't reach his eyes.

"How is he?" Gwaine asked, pushing himself up and stretching his sore muscles.

"Not good… I fear he won't last longer Gwaine."

The rogue Knight stopped his movements and joined Elyan near the couch were Gaius was peacefully asleep. They shared a glance full of sadness and fear before letting silence fall once more.

It wasn't a long time after that they first heard the first sounds of combat coming from their windows. Immediately, both Knights jumped up, all weariness or ache forgotten with the promise of freedom. In seconds Elyan was at the windows, trying to see what was happening outside their bars. Gwaine stood back and made his way to Gaius, awakening the old man with a great deal of shoulder shaking.

"Gaius, come on, wake up." He said with excitation. "Do you hear that? We're going to be free!"

The Physician tried to smile a little but he was clearly fighting to just keep his eyes open. He opened his mouth to talk but his voice was so soft that Gwaine had to kneel close to him to catch the words.

"It's too late Gwaine…"

"No, don't say that. Any minutes now and we'll be out of that stinky cell and back to your chambers."

"No Gwaine… Listen." Gaius murmured quietly but with authority. "I know enough of the human body to know it's too late for me… But what I said to Elyan is true… I'm not afraid to die…"

"Gaius…"

"I want you to promise me something Gwaine." The Physician continued, unaffected by the Knight slightly pleading tone. "Promise me… You'll look after… Merlin… He needs someone… And I can't be that… Someone… Anymore…"

Gwaine kept his eyes on Gaius' teary ones, touched to see the seriousness and regret he saw there even if he knew that Gaius loved Merlin as a son. He nodded slowly.

"I promise I will. But I'm sure you can still be there for him."

"Thank you… Gwaine… Tell… Tell him… I loved him… As my son… And… That I'm… Sorry…" Gaius managed to say quietly and Gwaine could only nod as he watched the Physician's eyes slipped close and his respiration stopping.

He tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat but to no avail and he bowed his head, silently wishing farewell to his friend. He heard Elyan come behind him and knew he didn't have to say anything when a hand gently squeezed his shoulder before sitting on the ground next to him.

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><p>They both hadn't moved when, finally, sounds of boots running down the corridor came to their ears. They tiredly looked up when Leon and Percival came in front of their door and opened it.<p>

"Took you long enough" Gwaine said quietly and a bit harshly.

Their rescuers looked confused by his tone of voice but their expression quickly changed when they took view of the other occupants of the cell. Gwaine saw in their eyes the exact moment when they comprehended what had happened.

"Is he…" began Leon.

"Yes." Gwaine answered quietly. "I think we should take him to his Chambers and I'll warn Merlin."

The four men exchanged a desperate glance. None of them wanted to tell the young man such news but they knew that they had to. Percival came in the cell and took old of the old man to take him away and Leon helped Gwaine then Elyan up. Elyan swayed and Leon kept a hand around his waist, keeping him upright.

"I'll take you to your room" said Leon before leading the other man away.

Gwaine stayed a moment alone, watching his fellow walked away and trying to brace himself for what he was about to do. Instinctively, he knew where to go. He knew that Merlin would be where Arthur was, and the only place Arthur would be in the throne room where Morgana was.

The walk towards it was a blur to the Knight. He barely noticed the route he was taking and even less the corpses of the enemy's army. He was desperately trying to find a way to tell his best friend that the man he saw as a father just died.

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><p>When he finally arrived at the throne room he was greeted with a pitiful sight. A couple was sitting on the ground the man hugging the woman and crying while Arthur, Gwen and Merlin both watched them with tearful eyes. None of them has noticed him and Gwaine was glad and silently enjoyed the last few moments of peace Merlin would get. Finally, the young man looked up and, after their eyes met, took a step back, shaking his head with a horrified expression. A few seconds later and he was leaving the room by the servant door. Arthur and Gwen watched him before turning to Gwaine, inquiringly. The Knight shook his head and got out without a word to find his best friend.<p>

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><p><em><strong>Well ? What do you think ? Should I continue ? It's the first time I took the point of View of Gwaine... But I love him and feel he has to have more attention :D<strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hi Merlin's fans !**_

**_Before anything else I want to THANK YOU ! There is absolutly no words big enough to thank you for the subscriptions and you're amazing reviews ! I never ever had so many reviews before and it is unbelievable because when I write I'm sometime so sure that I should just delete all that because it's useless and ininterressant. So thanks, thanks, thanks. I've respond to most of you but I'll never repeat it enough._**

**_Special thanks to Lady Willamina because you had trigger an idea in my mind and given a new purpose to that story._**

**_Before I forget, updates would usually be on Fridays (because I only work half a day) but we never know what a huge bunch of review can do._**

**_Oh and I haven't precised it but I don't own Merlin huh._**

**_Enough talking, time to read ! _**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2:<strong>

Merlin could only watch as Isolde life slowly faded. It was an heartbreaking sight but he couldn't watch away. A part of his mind kept telling him that he could save her and he had to fight it, clenching his fists behind his back. From the corner of his eyes he saw Gwen and Arthur exchange a look of longing and he felt his heart swell with that. Maybe all wasn't lost for them.

He didn't know for how long they stood there but suddenly he felt someone eyes on him and looking up, he saw Gwaine. His first reassured feeling disappeared however quickly when he saw the Knight's expression. The man has never looked so tired and shaky and sad. Merlin took instinctively a step back, shaking his head against what his mind was understanding from what his eyes told him. A mantra of denegation was already running through his head and, before he consciously took the decision, he was sprinting trough the castle towards the Physician's Quarter. He had never run faster his whole life. He wasn't giving attention to the way he took, instinctively taking the quickest route across the castle. His mind was already far ahead, swirling with worrisome thought about an ill Gaius. Gwaine hadn't had to say a word for Merlin to understand that something has happen to his mentor. But he knew he would save him. It took him only a few minutes before barging in his Chambers, out of breath, lung and legs burning. He took a few seconds to breath, hands on his knees then looked up. Immediately he wished he hadn't because the sight that greeted him wasn't the one he had been prepared for.

He first saw Percival standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking sad, then his eyes fell on Gaius's bed. The old man was lying there, looking peaceful and still. Far too still. Merlin shakily made his way to the cot and put a hand on the old man's shoulder, shaking it slightly even if the rational part of his brain told him it was useless.

"Gaius". He said quietly, hating how his voice was craking.

The Physician didn't stir but Merlin felt Percival approaching.

"Merlin…" The Knight began cautiously.

"No! Get out!" Merlin cried out, refusing to listen to any thing the man would tell him. The man seemed to hesitate. "I said get out Percival. Now!"

His tone seemed to scare the biggest man who nodded reluctantly and went out. The door wasn't even entirely closed that Merlin put his hand on his mentor's chest and closed his eyes, mentally getting through all the spells he knew. Seconds after he was chanting the most powerful healing spell he knew. He felt his magic rise inside him, turning his eyes gold. He waited anxiously a few seconds, staring at Gaius but nothing happened. He cursed under his breath and repeated the incantation, putting even more power in it. Again nothing happened.

"Come on Gaius! You can't leave me!"

Merlin said through the lump forming in his throat. He took a deep breath, willing the panic to get away and concentrate once more. He said spell after spell, not even waiting to see if they were working. He just wanted Gaius to wake up because he could bear to be alone. Gaius had been the only one on which he could always rely, always talk and he couldn't imagine any other way. His blood was full with magic but Merlin didn't notice. He directed it towards his mentor, his confident, his father, willing it to help. He didn't hear the door open and close but felt arms around him, trying to stop him from healing Gaius. He tried to shake it off, not even worrying about the fact he was using magic openly when whoever had entered.

"Get off me." He grimaced angrily trying to lose the grip around him.

"No." The voice of Gwaine said behind him.

Merlin growled and used magic to throw gently the Knight away before getting back to his healing spell, more and more desperately as the seconds passed.

"Merlin! Stop it!" Gwaine pleaded behind him but the Warlock ignored him, keeping his attention on his magic.

Gwaine watched helplessly as Merlin frantically continued to repeat the same spell, again and again, yees never fading from their golden color. He was paralyzed by an odd mix of fear, awe and concern for his friend. He knew that Arthur and Gwen would eventually come here to look for the Physician and Merlin can't be caught doing magic when they will come here. He took a deep breath to steal himself against what he had to do and went near Merlin again. He lowered himself on the ground next to Merlin.

"Merlin, listen to me." He began softly, hoping the younger man would stop what he was doing. "Merlin, stop that." He insisted when Merlin continued to ignore him. He finally put himself between Merlin and his mentor, taking the Warlock's hand in his and forcing him to watch him in the eyes.

"Let me go, Gwaine. I can save him." Merlin pleaded desperately, trying to fight the Knights grip once more but Gwaine only tightened it.

"No Merlin. You can't. He died nearly an hour ago, Merlin. I was there. There's nothing even magic can do Merlin. I'm sorry Merlin, truly sorry but it's too late." Gwaine explained sadly, hating the complete despair he saw in his friend's eyes as his words took away his last hope.

"But… That's not fair… I…" Merlin tried to say, his voice thick and broken.

"I know Merlin. I'm sorry."

Gwaine finally let go of Merlin's wrist and let him fall on his mentor, giving the old man a last embrace. Merlin felt as his world was shattering around him. He had never felt so alone in his whole life as he breathed in Gaius unique scent. He felt a burning hole form in his chest and let out a howl of pain as he finally allowed tears to fall. It suddenly seemed he was suffocating in his grief, incapable of breathing properly around the lump in his throat and the pain of his chest. He felt Gwaine put a hand on his back but he didn't help, he just continued sobbing heavily. He felt a bit dizzy for lack of oxygen but he wasn't able to calm himself. His whole body was shaking. He heard a knock at the door and felt Gwaine leave his side but couldn't bring himself to care. For all he knew the world could just stop and Morgana come back but he couldn't care less. All of that was pointless. Even his magic was if he couldn't save the people he loved. Gaius was only the last of a far too long list and Merlin just had enough. It felt as it was he who was dying and, as he cried his eyes out, he failed to see how it would be a bad thing because it was his fault that they had all died.

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><p><em><strong>Okay... As you read, I changed the point of view ? How did that go ? Liked it ? Hated it ? Do you think it was a good idea or should I stop doing that now ? Please, make my day and review ! I want to get better !<strong>_


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hi my dear readers !_**

**_With a day early here is my third chapter ! This is to thank you for your amazing reviews ! There really is no words at all to thank you for that. Really. I never written a story so popular ! It makes me so happy but also all the more anxious because you all seems to expect so much that I'm always worried that what I've written isn't good enought..._**

**_And the fact is that I've been sick for the three past days so I haven't been working and I'm hoping to have time to write tomorrow (because I'm a bit delayed, which worries me because you're waiting for me and I don't want you to wait)._**

**_Befoore leaving you, I'd like to make a special dedication to my syster CCIMD because her review went straight to my heart. You know that without you, it wouldn't be the same and I wouldn't be the writer I am today._**

**_Enjoy !_**

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 3:<span>**

Arthur held Gwen's eyes. He could see the love in her eyes and the heartbreak he had caused her. And watching Tristan holding Isolde now changed his point of view of his relationship with the former servant. Had she not always be there for him? Hadn't he told Merlin that he still loved her? Could he find it in him to forgive her and forget what happened? He still wasn't sure about the answers to that last question but now he could imagine what it would feel like if he was in Tristan place. He didn't know if he could continue living knowing that his beloved is dead. That's why he had banished her instead of sentencing her to death. Because he couldn't imagine a life without Guinevere in it.

He was so lost in his mind that he failed to notice Gwaine standing in the court room. He only noticed the presence of his Knight when Merlin's movement caught his eye. He watched his servant take a step backwards without understanding the expression of his face and when he fled the King turned expectantly to his Knight, hoping he would have some answers. Gwaine only shook his head, a sorrowful expression in his eyes and leaved the room too.

Arthur turned to Gwen who looked at him with a worried crease on his forehead.

"What was that about?" The King asked her.

"I don't know… But I don't like it… We'd better see what has happened." She answered thoughtfully.

"Yes, you're right." Arthur decided, feeling worry and shame swell in him because he had momentarily forgot about the battle that had taken place in his Castle. He was the King and he couldn't stay here to grieve for the loss of one fighter. Even if said fighter died saving him.

He took a step forward and crouched next to Tristan who made no move to acknowledge him.

"Take all the time you need. Camelot will welcome you if you want to stay... I'm sorry Tristan. Really sorry." He said, knowing that those words would never be enough for the man but needing them said anyway.

Gwen sent him a proud look when he stood up. And he extended his hand for her to take. She looked surprised but glad for the gesture and griped his hand with a small smile. He led her outside without a word. Outside the room they were greeted with the sight of a battlefield. The corpse of Helios's men were still where they had fallen and the white stone beneath them was tainted red with their blood. He saw Gwen look away with a slightly disgusted face but she said nothing and he admired her for that. The castle was eerie silent and it sent an unpleasant feeling down Arthur's spin.

"Come on. We had to find the Knights and assess the situation." He said before leading Gwen away.

"We should find Gaius too, there must be hurt." Gwen suggested, eying the devastation around them.

"Yes. The Knights will probably know where he is. Or he is with them already."

Gwen nodded and silence fell between them as they made their way across the castle.

It wasn't long before their path crossed those of two guards with Camelot's red cape. The two men immediately came to their King, asking what had happen. They explained that suddenly Helios's man started to run away. Arthur told them that Helios was dead and Morgana has escaped before asking where they had regrouped. The Guards led them to the biggest throne room and Gwen and Arthur were welcomed with cheers. Gwen immediately went to help take care of the hurt. Most of them were from Camelot but a few men from Helios have been hurt too and were taking care of before being put under arrest. Those seemed to recognize her, judging by their surprised expression. Arthur hadn't time to think about that as Leon was coming towards him.

"Sire." Leon greeted seriously.

"Sir Leon." He responded, nodding to them. "What happened?"

"The castle is ours again Sire. Helios' men that weren't killed or arrested all fled. There are only few dead in our ranks." The elder man stated emotionlessly.

"Good. Helios himself is dead. Morgana fled. I want search parties to leave as soon as possible. Guinevere thinks she's been hurt so maybe she hadn't been able to get far away."

Leon nodded and hesitated.

"What is it Leon?" Arthur asked, feeling worry spike in the pit of his stomach.

"Sire. Amongst the dead was… Gaius." He announced sadly.

Arthur opened his mouth but no sound came out. He closed it and searched the room to find Gwen looking at him from where she was standing.

"I trust I can leave you in charge a bit longer?" Arthur asked a moment later.

"Of course Sire. Tell Merlin I'm sorry for his loss."

Arthur nodded again and went out of the room. He was soon followed by Gwen and let her catch with him.

"Arthur?" She asked worriedly, seeing his grim expression. "What is it?"

"Gaius is dead, Guinevere." He answered quietly stopping.

"Oh my god." Gwen whispered, tears welling in his eyes and he couldn't resist the impulse to take her in his arms. He let her cry on his shoulder while himself felt sadness fill him. She tightened her hold for a second or two then let go of him, sniffing slightly. "Poor Merlin. We'd better go and see him."

"Yes." Arthur replied and hated how thick his voice sounded. "That's what we're doing now."

Gwen nodded and used her sleeve to dry her eyes. He took her hand and squeezed it before walking again. They were walking slowly trying to prepare themselves to see Merlin. They both knew how much Gaius meant for him and how he had hated leaving the old man in Camelot.

When they finally arrived in the corridor leading to the Physician's Chambers they were surprised to find Percival waiting in the corridor, looking worried. When he heard theirs steps, he turned towards them.

"Arthur, Gwen." He greeted them quietly.

"Percival." Arthur responded and made to continue his way in Gaius' office.

"You shouldn't go in there." Percival interrupted.

"And why is that?" The King asked in his most kingly voice but trying to stay polite.

"Because… Because I was there when Merlin arrived and he asked me to leave him alone and because Gwaine went in and asked not to be disturbed."

"Gwaine? And since when Gwaine has any authority on me?"

"Since Gaius asked me to look after Merlin." A voice interrupted behind them.

The two men and Gwen spun around to find Gwaine outside the door, looking tired, sad and worn. Arthur didn't even found the energy to protest and stayed silent.

"Can we see Merlin?" Gwen asked however and the Knight hesitated, fidgeting. "Please."

"Well… Okay… But I don't think you should stay too long. He's in shock I think… I… I don't really know what to do…" Gwaine admitted reluctantly. Gwen nodded and Arthur followed her inside.

He didn't think he would ever forget the sight that greeted him there. Merlin was kneeling on the ground, body drapped over the lifeless corpse of his mentor, sobbing like Arthur had never seen anyone sobbing before. He felt his heart break for his friend and knew that the two other people in the room felt the same. Merlin has always looked happy, he had always been the optimistic of the group _even if Arthur had said otherwise in the past_ and seeing him so broken felt utterly wrong. It felt like the whole air had changed to something wrong that made his throat tight and his eyes water. He didn't dare to move unlike Gwen who slowly made her way to Merlin. She carefully kneeled next to him and put his hand around his shoulders, hugging him. At first, he hadn't seemed to notice and Arthur was scared that he had lost his mind like his father had but then, he flew himself at Gwen and hugged her tightly, sobbing against her as she gently tried to sooth him. She looked up at him and he saw her heartbreak and worry echoing his.

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><p><strong><em>So ? Still with me ? That chapter was weird to write for me... Arthur's POV... A little review always help me so please please... Tell me how you feel about it ? Do you want to see something in it ?<em>**

_**And thanks for reading anyways. And for alerting. And Reviewing**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hi my dear readers !_**

**_Yes, I'm once more a day early in the update because I'wasn't sure that I would have the time tomorrow as I have to go pass some exams at hospital and them finally see Sherlock Holmes 2 ^^._**

**_I really, really hope that you will love that chapter because it is my favorite so far I think._**

**_As ever I thank everyone who has reviewed and added me in their Alert or Favorites ! You are all so so so AWSOME ! Please, continue I think I'm addicted._**

**_Enjoy !_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4:<strong>

Gwen felt her breath catch when she entered Gaius' Chambers. She had tried to prepare herself to face Merlin but she obviously hadn't succeeded. The sight of Merlin sobbing his heart out went straight to her heart and she was remembered of the grieve she felt when her own father died. But it was looking so much worse on Merlin. The boy didn't deserve such pain. He was always helping everybody. He had given Arthur back his faith, more than once, allowing them to take back Camelot. And he had saved her more time and in more ways that she wished he had to. She knew that Gaius had been more than a father for him and now he had no one. She still had her brother with her but Merlin has no more family except for his mother that was living so far away from the castle.

She took a deep breath to banish any tears then slowly make her way towards his friends. She noticed how Gwaine and Arthur stayed behind her, both looking at a loss for what to do. She kneeled beside Merlin and put a gentle hand around his shoulders, squeezing slightly.

"Merlin." She whispered quietly in his ear. "I'm sorry Merlin."

He didn't acknowledge her and she thought that maybe he hadn't heard but she didn't repeat her words and didn't move, letting him take his time. Her patience was rewarded when Merlin looked towards her. His eyes were lifeless and so full of hurt, guilt and sadness that it make her heart hurt like someone was twisting a knife in it. She opened her mouth but hadn't time to say anything because Merlin threw himself on her and clutched at her as if he was drowning and she was the branch that was saving him. She hugged him back, squeezing him tightly and allowed him to cry on his shoulder. She made soothing noises and rubbed his back to try to calm him.

"It's my fault, Gwen" He whispered to her in a shaky voice before crying more hardly if possible.

"Shhh Merlin, it's not… it's alright, I'm here... I won't let you, okay." She told him and he only tightened his grip more.

She looked up at Arthur and saw the sorrow in his eyes. She knew he was feeling Merlin's pain too but didn't knew how to help his friend. Arthur was many things but he was no good when it came to feelings but Gwen knew he was learning. And she knew that the only fact that he was there would mean something for Merlin even if right now it wasn't helping a lot. Turning his gaze to Gwaine she was surprised to see relief in his eyes and deduced that he must have tried to get through Merlin for a long time without success. He sent her a small smile before letting himself sink on the wooden bench behind him.

She didn't know for how long they have been kneeling like this but, eventually, Merlin's sobs began to ease. He had yet to move but she wasn't willing to press him so she waited. He was trembling in his arms and his breathing was still a bit labored. She was worried about him but didn't dare to ask him how he was feeling so she kept silent. It was well past mid-day when she felt if grip finally loosen and she understood he had fallen asleep. She caressed his black hair slowly and closed her eyes, relieved that he had finally succumbed to oblivion because it meant that, for a small time, he won't feel any pain anymore. She made a sign to Arthur and Gwaine and both men crouched next to her.

"He has fallen asleep. He's exhausted." She whispered to them.

"I'll take him to his room." Gwaine proposed immediately.

"No. I will." Arthur said, ignoring the Knight fierce glare. "You're exhausted too Gwaine. Don't think I haven't notice."

Gwaine looked like he wanted to protest but in the end had to agree with the King and let Arthur gently take Merlin from Gwen's arms. His heart clenched when he saw how pale his friend was except for the redness of his eyes. It took the King no effort to lift the smaller man and he took him towards his small room, laying him on his bed. Gwaine found a blanket and covered his friend with it. Gwen stayed silent behind them and, when they were sure that Merlin was comfortable, all three made their way out, closing the door. They seated themselves at the small wooden table of the Chamber and stayed silent for a while.

"Someone should stay with him tonight." Gwen said.

"I will." Both men immediately said and Gwen shook her head fondly.

"I will." She countered. "You, Arthur, are the King, you have things to organize. And Gaius' burial is one of them. And you Gwaine are clearly as exhausted as Merlin so you are going to eat something and sleep for a bit and after that we'll see what we do."

Both Knights looked at her baffled by her authoritative tone. Arthur was the first to recover.

"You're right Guinevere. As ever. I trust you will send for me should anything happen."

"I will." She assured him, reddening a bit.

"Good. Then I'll take my leave." He get up and leaved but, at the door he turned towards the table and said. "Oh and Gwaine. Do what she says. You look awful without your beauty rest."

Gwaine growled at him but get up too to find something to eat, promising to return later.

Finally alone, Gwen finally let the tears she had held at bay fall quietly. She authorized herself to cry for a few minutes before drowning a deep breath to calm herself and getting up. She went back to Merlin's room and sat herself near his bed. Looking at him now he almost seemed peaceful if it wasn't for the slight crease of his forehead. She heaved a sigh knowing how hard everything will become when he will wake up. Once more, she lifted her hand and slowly ran it through his hair, hoping it would calm him by showing him that he wasn't completely alone. That he had friend around him that cared about him.

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><p><em><strong>So ? Did you loved it ? Please tell me !<strong>_

_**Oh and last week I was writing and suddenly the timeline I had in mind changed... That's weird... I'm already really anxious about what you will think of it...**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi my dear readers!**

**First of all I'm sorry about the delay in posting this chapter but it wasn't my fault! wouldn't let me logging in yesterday! **

**So, chapter 5. It is a bit shorter than the others. I'm sorry about it... I hope you will enjoy it nonetheless.**

**I wanted to make a special thanks to _Merlin Lover _for all the nice MP we exchanged! It is great.**

**Thank you to all of you who read that, reviewed, favorited or alerted this story. You really don't know how much it means to mean!**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

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><p>Chapter 5:<p>

Gwaine closed quietly the door of the Physician's chambers behind him and ran a hand through his hair. He was ashamed to feel relieved from being able to leave the room. The atmosphere in it had been so sad and tense, full of worry and grieving. He couldn't remember having ever lived a situation like that. He had always though himself as an optimistic person, someone who can't be easily depressed, but seeing Merlin like that has hurt him far more than anything as ever had. He couldn't even imagine the pain Merlin must be feeling right now. He felt a shudder ran through him. He wished that he had been able to do more than just watch as Gwen had held Merlin but he had never been good with people crying and in his heart he knew that girls were better with feelings than Knights.

He took a deep breath than began to walk away. He will do as he had been told and get himself something to eat. He had to admit he had been hungry as a bear but worry had successfully pushed that out of the front of his mind but, now that he was away from Merlin, his growling stomach made himself know. He took his time to make his way to the palace kitchen. There he was greeted by the sight of a good number of his fellow Knights talking happily. The atmosphere in the kitchen felt like the exact opposite of the one he just escaped and it unsettled him.

Conversations died when they noticed his appearance and head turned towards him, eyeing him with a whole bunch of feelings. Gwaine felt suddenly very self-conscious and coughed slightly. Spotting Elyan and Percival in the back of the room, he made his way towards them, zigzagging between the tables of the room, grabbing fruits, bread and dried meat in his wake. His friend had found a chair for him and Gwaine let himself sink on it gratefully. They let him eat in silence while noise came back awkwardly in the room. It wasn't until he had finished the meat and bread that Elyan asked the unspoken question that had hovered over them.

"How is Merlin?"

"Well…" Gwaine hesitated, not knowing how to explain the complete distraught their friend was in. It seems that no words would make justice to the state Merlin was in. "Obviously he's not taking it well at all." He finally settled for. "And that's an understatement. Gaius was a father for him. I think we can even begin to imagine the bound they had formed."

A contemplative silence fell and Gwaine pushed away the plate of fruits he had brought, no longer hungry. The worry made his way back into his gut and he felt his stomach twist on itself, making him feel a bit nauseous.

"I'd better get back there." He announced and got up under the concerned looks of Elyan and Percival. They looked like they wanted to say something but finally just nodded and kept silent.

Gwaine ignored the curious glances he got and went quickly out. He made a stop in his old chambers to change and clean himself quickly then went back in the Physician's Chambers.

While he had been away Gaius's body had been taken away and he felt glad for it. The day was declining and it made the atmosphere of the room all the more gloomy. It was dark and he decided to stroke the fire back to life and lit a few candles before making his way towards Merlin small room. In it, Gwen had already lit the two candles and was sitting next to Merlin's bed, her fingers slowly caressing through his hair in a motherly way. She looked up when he entered and gave him a small smile even if she shook her head.

"You're too stubborn for your own good, you know that?" She asked him quietly.

"Yeah. But you wouldn't love me another way." He replied, trying to sound casual.

He was rewarded by another smile.

"Get some sleep Gwaine." She ordered him, reminding him of his mother and he suddenly found himself thinking that, one day, Gwen will surely make a wonderful mother to the future Princes or Princesses of Camelot.

He smiled at the thought, earning a curious glance from the former maid and settled down on the wooden floor.

"Gwaine, when I said get some sleep I actually meant in a bed."

"Nah. Don't need a bed. I'm fine there." He answered her, covering himself with a blanket and closing his eyes, efficiently cutting off further protest.

It didn't take long for the exhaustion to catch up with him and he quickly fell asleep.

Gwen shake fondly her head when Gwaine began snoring, curled on the floor of Merlin's room, leaving her once more alone with her thoughts and her worries. One thing was sure: Gwaine was more than stubborn and loyal. She was glad he was there for Merlin. He would need all the friends he had got now. She thought about writing a letter to his mother but dismissed the idea. It wasn't her place to announce her that one of her older friends was dead. She could only hope that Merlin will do it soon. But a little voice in her head told her that he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't want to upset her. She sighted and rubbed her eyes. She was tired too. But she couldn't sleep now because she didn't want Merlin to wake up alone. Or with Gwaine snoring. Which he was doing pretty loudly in her opinion. She was about to get up to shake Gwaine and tell him to make less noise when she felt Merlin twitch beneath her hand. She froze and watched as he slowly opened his eyes, visibly not quite aware. It took only a few moments before a shadow fell before his eyes and a whisper escaped his mouth, making Gwen's heart clench.

"Gaius."

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><p><strong>So, what do you think of it? Still loving it? What do you think will happen? <strong>

**I need your opinion about the rest of the story:**

**Would you want something to happen? Like a reveal? I'm not sure about that... So far I hadn't planned it but well... I suppose I could do it if you want it, your choice!**

**And also, if you have any prompts for me I think I will take them. I'd love to try and write from prompts. Never done that before but well...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Surpriiiiise my dear readers!**

**As it is Valentine day, I've decided to post you a new chapter. For all those who, as me, are single. (or all those who are in couple too)**

**I hope you'll be happy with it!**

**And thank you for all you're ideas. Don't hesitate to send me ideas or prompts. **

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><p>Chapter 6:<p>

Merlin slowly woke up. He felt warm and comfortable, which was a new thing since living in the forest. He slowly opened his eyes to see an oddly-familiar wooden ceiling in the obscurity. He frowned slightly, trying to remember how he had gotten there but then all his memories of what has happened came crashing down on him and he felt a hole reopen in his chest. He chocked slightly, whispering Gaius' name brokenly. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and he looked up to find Gwen watching him with kind eyes. He tried to smile at her to reassure her but failed miserably and instead took her hand in his and closed his eyes a few minutes.

"Thank you Gwen." He told her quietly hating how weak his voice was sounding.

"You're welcome" She whispered back and offered him a cup of water from which he drank quickly.

After that Merlin sat up and his eyes found Gwaine lying on the floor, sound asleep. He was confused. He remembered yelling at the Knight to leave him. He felt a wave of love fill him for his friend. Soon replaced by concern when he saw that the man was looking pale and bruised.

"What's he doing here?"

"He said here was a good place to sleep. He didn't want to leave you I think…" Gwen explained following his gaze.

"But he's hurt…" Merlin began, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Gwaine preferred sleeping on the floor of his room rather than his Knightly, fluffy bed.

"And you're his friend. Come on, you have to eat something."

Merlin felt sick just at the thought of food but he followed Gwen anyway, leaving his room for Gwaine to sleep in peace. When he was outside his door he stopped abruptly, his eyes falling on Gaius' wooden bed. Gaius' empty wooden bed. His heart clenched painfully and his breathing hitched slightly. Gwen seemed to feel his pain and got in front of him, taking his clenching hands in hers, blocking his view.

"They have taking him to prepare him for the funeral. Arthur wants to make something special to honor him." She explained quietly.

He nodded dully, not trusting his voice, and didn't resist her push forward. She made him sit on the wooden bench in the room facing away from where he had last seen his mentor. But that didn't stop Merlin to see the old man wherever he looked. He felt his eyes watered and couldn't stop the tears that fell from them. Gwen sat next to him and pushed a plate of berries in front of him. He shook his head slightly and he heard her sigh but she thankfully didn't push him more to eat.

Silence fell between them as she took his hand and let him grieve in peace. His mind was wandering through all the adventure he had shared with Gaius. All the time the old man had been a father for him, giving him a hug when he needed it, a scowl when he had been careless and a praise when he had done something good. All the things he had learned, magically-speaking or not. All the advices the man had given him only to be ignored and later to be regretted. He should have listened more to Gaius. Maybe things would have been different now. Maybe if he hadn't tried to help Morgana without really helping her she wouldn't have turned bad and then their live would have been all the easiest. He felt anger burn his way through his veins as he thought of her. Against her and against himself. He should have stopped her earlier. He had knew that she was planning to take Camelot. He even had had the occasion to kill her while being disguised as an old man. He just hadn't found in himself to commit one more cold blood murder and sitting now in the Physician Chambers with Gaius' ghost everywhere around him he regretted it. He clenched his fists unconscientiously, knuckles turning white. It was her fault that Gaius had died but it was his too, because he had done nothing to stop it. He hadn't even gone to see if his friends were alright when he had sneaked into the castle the night before.

Suddenly the room felt far too oppressive for his thought and he jumped up, surprising Gwen with his sudden move.

"Merlin?" She asked worriedly.

"I'm sorry Gwen. Don't worry for me. I'm going to make this right." He said cryptically to her then turned and fled the room, running as fast as he could while trying to stay silent. He could hear Gwen crying out his name but he ignored her.

He took all the little passageways he knew and got out of the castle without being seen. The night had fallen and was oddly clear, like it was trying to negate the blackness invading his mind and heart. He crossed the lower town with a brisk pace, keeping uselessly to the shadows. No one was outside. Everybody was with their family rejoicing for the end of Morgana's second evil reign or helping with the hurt and the deceased. He forced his mind away for the memories that kept trying to come back in the front of his mind and instead forced himself to concentrate on continuing to put one foot in front of the other along the well-known pace. He took him less time than ever to find himself in what he had re-named the dragon's clearing as he hadn't bothered to hide his traces. Without waiting, he took a deep breath, reached down in himself and called the dragon, his voice reasoning powerfully for the first time since he found Gaius dead. Panting slightly, he sat himself on the ground to wait for Kilgarrah and let his eyes watch the stars above him.

He didn't have to wait long to hear the flapping of the dragon's giant wings and he soon spotted the huge black beast coming from the north accompanied by the smaller white dragon.

"Kilgarrah, Aithusa" He greeted them softly when they had landed. The white dragon immediately coming next to him for him to pat it.

"Young warlock" The older Dragon answered, his golden eyes narrowing slightly. "I feel something is wrong. What can we do for you?"

"You must find Morgana and bring her to me here. She's probably hurt so heal her." Merlin told him curtly. The Dragon eyed him suspiciously before laughing.

"Ha Merlin! I will never heal the witch, she can die alone for all that I care."

"You will do as I said!" Merlin exclaimed, sobering the Dragon.

"Why is that so important for you suddenly young Warlock? It is good news that she is dying." He asked in his ancient and deep voice.

"Because I want to kill her myself." Merlin answered truthfully, making Kilgarrah watch him as if he'd gone mad.

"Merlin, you don't mean that."

"I know perfectly what I mean Kilgarrah, now will you do as I said or do I have to command you to do it?"

"I will not do such a thing young Warlock. Revenge is a poison and you shouldn't let it poison your mind."

Merlin was about to reply when a little high-pitched voice interrupted them.

"I will Merlin."

"Aithusa!" Kilgarrah exclaimed outrageously.

"Thank you, Aithusa." Merlin answered softly, kneeling to be at the same level as the little dragon. "You'd better go then"

The white dragon nodded then flew of, ignoring his elder cry.

"Merlin, you should not do that."

"I'm only doing what you wanted me to do such a long time before Kilgarrah. You may leave now." Merlin said coldly.

The dragon looked like he wanted to protest some more but thought better of it and flew off, leaving Merlin standing alone in the clearing.

"This isn't you, Merlin." He called back however.

Merlin smirked in the dark and let himself sat down on the earth. It may not be like him, but it wasn't important right now because this was the only valid course of action he could see. He couldn't let Morgana live freely longer after all the destruction she had caused. Not only because of Gaius but also because of the other citizen of Camelot

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><p><strong>A little review for your author? You loved the return of Aithusa? I thought I would explain his attitude in the episode. I can't believe he is on the dark side. My dear baby!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everybody!**

**So, first, thank you once more for all your reviews and ideas. I actually changed a bit my plot to acknoledge you so, don't stop :D. Thanks to for the Alerts and the Favorites. Does really that many of you care about my story?**

**Anyway, I think I'm not mistaken by thinking that this is one of the most waited chapter, am I? I really hope I got it right...**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 7:<p>

Ironically, it was at the darkest hour of the night that Merlin heard once more the flapping of wings. He had spent the past hours just sitting on the ground, waiting patiently, mind blank of any thoughts, body numb. It felt like all his previous feelings had been locked away leaving him only numb, but grateful for it.

He stood up to greet the white dragon coming his way. Once it had landed, Aithusa explained him that he had healed Morgana but also implanted the idea that she had to come here. Therefore she was on her way and would probably be there at dawn. Merlin thanked him once again than sent him back to Kilgarrah. This time he didn't sat back but just stood silently, waiting for Morgana to come to him. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice kept telling him that what he was doing wasn't right but he kept ignoring him.

The sun was beginning to rise when he heard the sound of leaves being crushed by someone's feet. Only seconds later and Morgana appeared before him in her black dress. Her eyes scanned the clearing before stopping on him. She seemed confused for a long time before she settled on barking a laugh.

"Merlin" She exclaimed when she had recovered, coming closer to him without being afraid. He didn't answer her. "What are you doing here?"

"I was waiting for you actually." He replied, his voice low and calm.

"Waiting for me? And what for?"

"To kill you." There Morgana laughed again and Merlin let her as she watched mockingly to see if he had a weapon.

"You? Kill me? With what weapon? You're only a useless servant Merlin." She said disdainfully.

Merlin watched her snigger a bit more but as she made her way to turn around and go away he threw up his arm and shouted a spell, efficiently freezing her in place. Her eyes widened comically as she watched his eyes go back to blue.

"You… You… You have magic." She sputtered, not unlike Agravaine.

"I was born with it." He announced her, not caring anymore if she knew his secret and relishing in the fear he saw in her eyes.

"No… No… You can't… You can't be _him_… You're just a servant." Moragana tried to deny without managing to keep the fear out of her voice.

"Keep telling yourself that if it helps you Morgana, it will not change the fact that I am Emrys."

He let silence fall as he approached her, watching deny and fear warring in her eyes. He only felt anger towards her now. And it was burning his veins like fire, forcing all other thoughts out of his mind.

"Maybe you need a little proof, don't you, Morgana?" He asked rhetorically and, without waiting for her answer, let his eyes burn gold and the power flow through him. A second later there's a dagger in his hand and he holds it against her throat. He watched her struggle but keeps the magic stopping her from moving firmly in place.

"You… You can't do that Merlin. You can't kill me like that" She told him and, when he watched in her eyes he can see the old Morgana. It make the knife waver in his hand. And he took a step back, letting it fall to the ground with a little sound.

He turned his back to her and took a deep breath. He can't let his resolve crumble but yet, that voice in his head is back once more, telling him that he knows it is wrong to kill her like that.

"You see. You may be Emrys but you're still weak." The voice of Morgana cut through him like a knife and his anger flared back once more, making the spell around Morgana tighten. She gave a little cry before she doesn't have enough air to do even that. Merlin turned back to her, his eyes dark, watching her choke.

"Don't ever underestimate me Morgana. You killed too many of my friends for me to let you live."

He slowly raised his hand to tighten his spell some more to kill her when a voice resonated around the clearing.

"Merlin! What are you doing? Stop it!"

He ignored it and suddenly Gwaine is before him, blocking his view of Morgana.

"Merlin! This isn't you! Stop it! Stop it now!" He exclaimed once more, turning to see that the witch behind him is already unconscious.

"But she killed Gaius, Gwaine, and she forced Lancelot to sacrifice himself then made him come back from the dead. She had hurt so many people! She deserves to die!"

"I know what she did Merlin. I know and I promise you she will be punished for it but it's not up to you to do it. Stop the spell. Now."

Merlin hesitated a bit more than sighed and dropped his hand and the spell. He heard Morgana's body hit the ground and the sound seemed to shake him from his daze. He took a step backward, suddenly comprehending what he had been about to do. He felt sick and quickly put a hand at his mouth.

"What have I done, Gwaine?" He asks and let himself fall on the ground to be catch by his friend.

"Nothing my friend. It's okay. You were only trying to get better. It's alright."

"No! It's not! I tried to kill someone! Oh my god, Gwaine!"

"Shhh Merlin, she's not dead okay. You didn't kill Morgana. She's just unconscious. We're going to take her to Camelot. Can you just make sure she won't wake up during that time? We don't want her to wake up and fled, don't we?" Gwaine asked trying to get Merlin to focus on him and not to go in a new a shock state.

With some difficulties, Merlin managed to nod. He was shaking all over and it was really visible when he raised his hand to put a sleep spell on Morgana. He was glad Gwaine chose to ignore it, instead going his feet.

"You think you can walk?" He asked Merlin. Merlin think about it a long time then nodded slowly, nearly hesitantly and Gwaine helped him up. He swayed slightly when he was upright and wrapped his arms around himself to try and stop his shakings.

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><p><strong>Sooooo? How did it go? Did you like it? Oh please tell me, I'm always so worried about what you will think!<strong>

**Now I still have the problem of the reveal. I still don't know what to do about it! I was writing this afternoon and found myself thinking that both a reveal and not a reveal would probably work and I don't know what to choose! It's frustrating!**

**Next update will probably mid-week as it is my birthday on Thursday and I will probably don't have time to post on Friday.**

**Anyway, I can't wait to here from you my lovely readers!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi my dear readers!**

**I know, I'm a bit late with this update but with my birthday I just hadn't the time. Sorry.**

**Anyway, I'm a bit worried because I lacked some reviews at the last chapter so now I'm worried that you don't love that story anymore :(.**

**Anyway, off you go :D.**

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><p>Chapter 8:<p>

The walk back to Camelot took a long time. Gwaine was carrying Morgana's body and had to constantly look backwards to make sure Merlin was following him. He was now more than worry for the young man. He was ghostly pale and the Knight could see him shaking badly. He looked like he could be sick any minute and was walking slowly with a faraway look in his eyes. Gwaine was glad he had found him before he had done something irreparable.

He had been woken from his sleep by Gwen's panicked cry and had spent a long time searching for Merlin through the Castle before going to look for him outside. He was lucky that the Warlock hadn't taken the time to cover his tracks or he would never have found him in time.

He repressed a shudder when thinking back to the view that had greeted him when he had entered the clearing. He had never thought that one day he would be afraid of Merlin. But the apparent easiness with which he had subdued Morgana had been truly impressive and scary. He hadn't even uttered a word and yet he could have easily killed her. Probably would have if he hadn't intervened. And it probably would have destroyed him when he would have understood what he had done. Tonight Gwaine knew he had seen Merlin's darkest side. He had been worried about that possibility for the moment he had saw how Gaius' death had shattered Merlin and he couldn't really blame Merlin for trying to get revenge. He knew that, had it happened to him, he would probably have done the same. Except he didn't have the powers Merlin had.

He knew however that the shock he was feeling because of Merlin display of rage was nothing compared to the shock for the Warlock himself. He was absolutely sure that Merlin hadn't really known what he had been doing or he wouldn't look so bad now. The Knight wanted to say something to help him but he honestly didn't know what. He didn't really think any words he could say could change the fact that Merlin nearly chocked someone to death.

The sun was barely up when they finally arrived at Camelot's gates. The Guards on duty immediately straightened and came to their encounter when they saw the two men. When they noticed Morgana's body they drew their sword but Gwaine explained to them that there was no danger and that he was to bring her to the King. The two Guards nodded, paying no attention to Merlin and one of them offered to go warn Arthur. Gwaine nodded and continued his way. He turned to see Merlin following him, his gaze firmly rooted on the ground. The Warlock looked like he was trying to shrink in it and disappear. When they arrived in the Courtyard a few minutes later Merlin positively looked like a trapped dear.

"Merlin." Gwaine said, making the young man jump. "You don't have to come with me. Why don't you go find Gwen to tell her you're alright? She was very worried when I last saw her. I'll take Morgana to Arthur, okay?"

The Warlock seemed to take a long time to comprehend what Gwaine told him and his expression looked part anxious at leaving Morgana and part relieved to be able to avoid Arthur and any explanations. He finally settled to nodding and left slowly the Courtyard, slowly moving towards the East Wing of the Castle. Gwaine didn't take his gaze away until the man disappeared in the castle, releasing a sight. Now all he had to do was find a good story to serve to Arthur to explain his miraculous capture of his evil sister. The Guard that had gone warning Arthur came back to him and told him that Arthur will be waiting for him in the throne room. He thanked the man and made his way up the white stairs in front of him. When he arrived in the throne room, Arthur was already there, passing the room. He looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep at all and Gwaine nearly pitied him. He turned when he heard the Knight and immediately went to him.

"So it's true." He said as Gwaine dropped a bit roughly Morgana's body to the ground. "How did you find her? I thought I told you to get some rest?"

"Hum… Well… I couldn't sleep so I decided to… Go for a walk and…. As I was marching outside the lower town I saw a shadow moving… I followed it and it turned out it was your dear sister so…. She hadn't noticed me so I knocked her out and brought her here. End of the story."

Arthur eyed him skeptically for a very long time and Gwaine began to believe that the King wouldn't believe it when Arthur nodded.

"Well done Gwaine! Guards! Take Morgana to the dungeons please and take care to use my father's special manacles."

Two Guards immediately complied, for once looking happy to do their job. Once they left, an awkward silence fell on the room. Arthur looked at the same time relieved, tired and overwhelmed and Gwaine just wished he would be dismissed. He thankfully hadn't to wait too long before a servant came it, requiring the King's attention. Arthur nodded then asked him to call for a Court meeting an hour later. He then dismissed Gwaine and went out the door. Gwaine released a breath, glad that Arthur was sufficiently distracted to have accepted so easily such a bad cover story. It explained to Gwaine how Merlin had been able to keep his magic secret for such a long time if Arthur was each time so obvious. That thought bring Merlin back in the front of his mind and he quickly left the room too, to find his friend.

He, once more, made his way to the Physician Chambers and knocked at the door. When no answers came he let himself in the room and found it empty. He got to Merlin's room and found it the same way. He frowned, concern flaring again. He went out and made his way to the makeshift infirmary. There he found Gwen bend over a man who seemed to have a broken leg. He approached her wearily.

"Gwen?"

"Gwaine!" She exclaimed, looking up, her eyes disappointed as she saw he was alone. "Have you not found Merlin?"

"I had. I sent him to you. Haven't you seen him?" Gwaine explained slowly, his eyes wandering in search for his friend.

"No I haven't. Maybe he's gone back to his room. Or to Arthur…"

"Yes… Yes… You'll right… I'll check there." Gwaine acquiesced, already knowing that Merlin wasn't in either places but unwilling to worry the kind woman in front of him more than she already was.

"Thank you Gwaine."

Gwaine nodded and left the infirmary. He stopped in the corridor and wondered what he would be doing in Merlin's place. His first thought was going to the tavern but he knew that Merlin wouldn't be doing that. He finally set up to the second place he would go if he wanted to have some peace.

A few minutes and hundred stairs later and he found himself in front of the wooden door leading to the outside of one of the highest tower of the Castle. He took a moment to get his breath back then opened the door. He was relieved to see Merlin sitting quietly on the ground, leaning against the wall, arms firmly clamped around his bent legs. He looked so small, sad and lost that it made Gwaine's heart ache. Gwaine steeled himself before coming to sit next to his friend. Merlin didn't acknowledge him, letting his head buried in his arms, back tense, hiding himself. Gwaine sighted and noticed that his friend was still shaking slightly. He took his cloak off and draped it over his friend's shoulder before setting himself back against the wall, waiting for Merlin to move.

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><p><strong>So? What do you think will happen next huh? I'm always curious about that :D.<strong>

**And don't hesitate if you have new prompts for me :D, I'll gladly try to write them :D.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi my dear readers! **

**I know, I know, I'm pretty late for this chapter. I hope you'll forgive me...**

**Anyway, I thank you all to still me here. It really feels unbelievable. Like really.**

**I hope I'll be abble to recieve your reviews because seems to be angry with me... I'll try to remember to check them on the site to answer to you.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 9:<p>

Merlin felt Gwaine's eyes on him as he slowly crossed the Courtyard. They were burning his back but he did his best to ignore them, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the ground. He was terrified of what he might find in his friends eyes if he was to cross his gaze. Gwaine would probably be afraid of him, maybe even disgusted. That was what Merlin was feeling. He was disgusted by the thought that he had let himself be led by his thirst for revenge. His actions were proving Uther's and Arthur's believes right. Magic really seemed to corrupt, making even good people evil. Merlin thought that maybe the hatred against sorcerers was indeed justified.

He found himself inside the hall of the East Wing of the Castle. Thankfully it was empty in that early hour of the morning. He looked around and suddenly felt like a stranger in that place he had called home. He felt wrong, out of place. For a second he considered going back to the Physician's Chambers only to immediately dismiss the idea. He already felt trapped in the hall, the secluded room full of ghosts of the past would help the slightest.

He was still trying to decide where to go when he heard the light footfalls of two maids. Panic sparked in his chest and it suddenly seemed to be harder to breath. Without further thinking he dashed in the corridor in front of him and began to climb the staircase he found at his left, taking two steps at the time. When he finally arrived at the top of it he was panting badly and had to lean heavily against the wooden door to find his breath back. After a few minutes he opened the door and was met with the view of a beautiful scenery. He closed the door behind him and took his time to take what he was seeing in. The sun was barely above the horizon yet and was stretching his golden rays on the landscape and the Lower City, slowly creeping towards the Castle, painting the blue sky in orange. It was not high enough for it's warmth to reach the Castle but it was already chasing the chill of the night. It wasn't however enough to chase the chill gripping Merlin's core.

As time slowly passed, the sun rays finally hit the Castle white walls making them burn a golden glow. It could have been absolutely beautiful but, this time, Merlin wasn't able to see the beauty of it and when the rays finally touched him he let himself slide down in the shadows. That's where he belonged. The shadows. He brought his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, vainly hoping that it would stop him from shattering slowly into tiny pieces. He felt himself trembling but couldn't stop so he just put his head down on his knees and willed himself to ignore the world around him and to keep his mind silent. That task was particularly hard to complete as all he could think of was all the mistakes he made. Each of one leading to the death of someone.

He didn't know for how long he had been sitting there when he heard the sound of someone getting up the staircase. His grip tightened around his legs and he pressed himself as far as he could in the shadows, hoping to disappear but knowing he wouldn't be able to without using magic, which he wasn't going to do anytime soon.

His back tensed as the door creaked open, waiting for an exclamation and an order to go away. It never came but instead he felt someone slide down the wall to sit next to him. He felt a cape being draped around his still-trembling shoulders but he didn't move and for a long time silence settled.

"I thought I told you to go to Gwen." Gwaine finally said, his voice betraying more concern than anger.

Merlin couldn't find the will to answer him and Gwaine sighted before letting silence fall once more between them. Merlin appreciated that the Knight wasn't pressing him for answers but he would have preferred being left alone. He couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't deserve friends like Gwaine or Gwen or Arthur. He should be left alone. He was a dangerous Sorcerer and didn't want Gwaine to stay with him out of a misplaced sense of duty or pity.

Merlin closed his eyes tightly as dark thoughts continued to dance in his mind. He wished he could stop them. Wished he could go back to the days in Ealdor where his main concern had been to have something to eat once a day and be warm during the winter. Without a Prince to protect and sacrifices to make. He didn't want his destiny anymore. He didn't make any sense to him anymore. All those fights had just transformed him in a stranger he didn't recognize anymore. He always had relied on Gaius to keep him grounded. The old man had always told him when what he was doing wasn't good, when he was mistaken. It was the hand that was guiding him in the black world he was leaving it. Keeping him grounded. Reminding him of who he was. Comforting him when everything seemed lost. Telling him everything would be alright even if it wasn't true. But in the end he had failed Gaius. He had failed to be what Gaius believed him to be. He found tears swelling once more in his eyes and tried to keep them from falling but couldn't for very long and before he knew it he was once more sobbing.

He felt Gwaine's arm encircle his back but he brought him no comfort. It would never manage to ease the feeling of emptiness in his chest. Part of him wanted to break free of the Knights' hold but he could find the strength to do more than curl more on himself. His breath was becoming ragged and his was panting but he didn't care, couldn't care.

"It's ok, Merlin." Gwaine said in a soothing voice. "Try to breathe deeply. You'll be alright. I promise."

Merlin shook his head. He wouldn't be alright. Not when he was alone. Not when in the first hours of being left without a guide he nearly killed someone in a fit of rage. It's not only Morgana they should arrest. They should put him in a cell a throw the key away.

It took him what seemed like ages to stop crying but in the end he just had not tears left. Gwaine hadn't left his time during the whole time and Merlin didn't know anymore what he thought about it. His mind was a mess of sad, guilty and confused thoughts which he couldn't sort. He felt exhausted and wished he could sleep for ever but, of course, his thoughts weren't leaving him the occasion to find rest so he just closed his eyes and waited for the time to pass.

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><p><strong>So... What did you think of it? Please, please, tell me, be honest. I crave your reviews! It is so important for me to know what you think! And your ideas, and everythink you would want to share with me :D.<strong>

**And I'm still looking for prompts.**


	10. Chapter 10

**So! Here I am again! Hellooooo!**

**I hope your all well. And I want once more to thank you all for alerting, favoriting, reviewing this story. Never will I be able to tell you how important this is to me. I suddenly care so much about that story and am so worried about it so much. I'm not sure anymore if what I write is any good.**

**Anyway, enjoy the reading! (and please, leave a review? It really helps me)**

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><p>Chapter 10:<p>

Saying that Gwaine was worried about Merlin would be a huge understatement. He had been past the stage of worry for a long time as he held his friend who was sobbing his heart out. He didn't know what to do and that angered him at the same time as it saddened him. So he just stayed silent, hoping that just his presence would help Merlin. He had tried to tell the Warlock that everything's going to be okay in the end but that hadn't seemed to make a great difference and Gwaine couldn't truly blame Merlin for not believing him. The words were sounding so meaningless. Of course things mustn't look like going to get better. Not when you suddenly find yourself alone in a Kingdom where law dictate you should be dead and certainly not when you nearly killed someone in cold blood for revenge's sake.

Some time later, the midday bell rang. Merlin had finally stopped crying but he hadn't moved so Gwaine hasn't either. His arm was still resting on the younger man's shoulder in a gesture of comfort and also to bring Merlin a bit of his body heat. The Warlock was still trembling slightly and Gwaine suddenly wondered when the last time he had eaten something was. Probably a long time.

"I don't know about you Merlin but I'm starving." The Knight began, trying to adopt a light tone. "What about I go to the Kitchens and find us something to eat?" No answer came and Gwaine sighted before pushing himself slowly up. "Just… Don't disappear again, okay?"

Again, Merlin didn't acknowledge him and the Knight shook his head before leaving.

The trip was actually a pretty long one as the Kitchens were at the other side of the Castle. It gave Gwaine the time to think and worry some much. He was trying so hard to find a way to get Merlin to talk to him that he didn't noticed Arthur coming in front of him before the man stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Arthur." He gasped, surprised.

"Gwaine. Do you know where Merlin is? I didn't see him since yesterday..." The King asked and Gwaine was proud to hear the concern in his tone.

"Yes. I know." He answered truthfully. "But I don't think he want to see anyone right now… Actually, I've been going to the Kitchens to find him something to eat…" Arthur nodded.

"Well… If you could tell him that Gaius' burial had been planned for sunset... I know it's hard but… He should really come. I would have retarded it but Members of the Court are restless and saying we should bury the dead as fast as we can in order to move forward and began the reconstruction of the City… And I can't really disagree with them."

"Yes. Of course." Gwaine said, agreeing with the reasoning but not liking it. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you Gwaine. I trust you to take care of him. Now I'm going to have a little chat with my sister."

Gwaine nodded stiffly and watched the King continue his way, a new kind of dread setting in his stomach. Morgana has seen Merlin's magic, she's even be a victim of it so what if she decided to tell Arthur? Surely he wouldn't believe her, wouldn't he? Gwaine would have liked to have a sure answer to that question but doubt kept nagging at his mind. He took a deep breath and pushed those feeling down. He had to trust Arthur to make the right decision and to not listen to any words coming out of the Sorceress mouth.

When he entered the Kitchens a bit later the atmosphere was a quiet one. Everybody who was working there at lost someone and was due to get to at least one burial during the day. He asked the Cook to prepare him something and she quickly put together a meal with meat and fruits. He thanked her and made his exit. On the road back to the Tower he encountered no one else and when he pushed the door open he found Merlin sitting at the exact same stop where he had previously been. He set the food down then let himself sit down too.

"Come on Merlin, lunch time." He said.

"I'm not hungry." Merlin replied in a muffled and scorched voice after a beat.

"I know. But you need to eat something. You're not doing anyone any good by starving yourself." Merlin still didn't move and Gwaine decided to use his last argument. "And you know that Gaius wouldn't have wanted you to stop living because of his death." The result was immediate as Merlin's whole body seemed to tense before he sighted and slowly lifted his head, batting his eyes lashes against the midday sun. His eyes were red and hollow, standing up against his pale skin and he looked haggard. "Here." Gwaine said pushing the plate full of meat and fruits toward Merlin.

The Warlock watched the food thoughtfully for a long time before taking a berry in his slightly-trembling hand and putting it in his mouth. Gwaine watched as he slowly chewed it and swallowed it before taking another one. The Knight inwardly smiled and began to eat himself while discreetly keeping an eye on what his friend was eating. The Warlock stopped eating after only a few minutes and was just playing distantly with his food after that but Gwaine was glad that he had at least eaten something. He finished most of the meat and took some fruit before sitting back against the wall and watching the sky, trying to find the courage to talk to Merlin about what Arthur had told him.

"I ran into Arthur when I was on my way to the Kitchen." He began some time later, watching Merlin who had also settle back against the wall, gaze lost in the horizon. "He told me that they would make the ceremony for Gaius at sunset and that you should be there."

"I don't want to." Merlin answered, jaw tense, eyes welling.

"I know Merlin but… I agree with him. That's… That's your last chance to say goodbye."

Merlin shook his head, closing his eyes in anguish and Gwaine let the subject drop, instead drawing his friend close and hugging him once more as Merlin let his head fall on his shoulder. He decided that he wouldn't talk about Morgana today. There would be time for that talk later.

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><p><strong>So... What do you think? I'm really anxious. I suppose you can guess what will happen next, don't you?<strong>

**And I'm still looking for prompts for a story after this one.**

**And I've been told I should take a Beta. Are you from that opinion too?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Surpriiiiiiiise :D**

**Well, I just recieved my 100th review so I felt that I should do something speciall like posting you a new chapter.**

**I think it is one many of you were waiting for. It looked great inside my mind and I truly hope that it turned out as well written. Only you can tell me now :D**

**So, before leaving you to it, I want to once more than you all for your support. It feels unbelievable to have so many readers. It is so wonderful. You can't imagine! It's like for once in my live I am known as a writer. I don't have that much confidence in me or my writing skills but each one of your reviews help. You are fantastic. As are you reader who don't leave reviews :).**

**To finish, let's dedicace this chapter to Alaia Skyhawk , my 100th reviewer :D**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 11:<p>

Morgana slowly regained conscience, feeling disoriented. She raised a hand to her sore throat and coughed slightly, wincing when the slight pull of muscle brought pain to blossom. For a moment, she stayed still, lying on a hard ground, trying to remember what happened and then everything came back to her, causing her to snap her eyes open. She quickly sat herself up and looked around her, ready to defend herself against any threat. She found none but discovered where she was. Camelot's cells. She would recognize them anywhere. She didn't understand how she had gotten there however. The last thing she remembered was being choked in a clearing near Camelot by Merlin. Just the thought of him make fury flare in her, making her blood boil. That traitor! All this time he was just under her nose! How many times could she have easily killed him? She should have known that he was Emrys! Even Morgause had told him that he was hiding something a long time ago. And then he had kept interfering with all of her plans! It was him all along! Emrys! But it was barely believable. How such an idiot servant can be the most powerful Warlock in existence?

But then a thought striked her. She had known that he wasn't an idiot. Hadn't he helped her get to the Druid when she had discovered her magic? He could have helped her then instead of letting her struggle in the fear of herself but no, no, all he had done was sent her away thus bringing the death of so many innocent Druids and then tried to kill her. She growled before taking a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She had to escape then she would have her revenge on the lowly servant he was. He should have known better than to keep her alive, the coward.

Once she was calmer, she tried to reach her magic but discovered that she could feel it anymore. She frowned and tried again, this time muttering a spell under her breath. Nothing happened. She watched her wrists and found that two golden bracelets had been put on them and, on closer watch she could read Druid words on them. She sweared angrily and tried a more powerful spell.

"It's useless Morgana." Said a voice she recognized at his brother's. She looked up from her sitting position and found him outside her cell's bar. "Guards."

The Guards opened the door and he entered, looking disgustingly regal. Morgana stood up as gracefully as she could and lifted her chin.

"Come to gloat dear brother?" She asked wryly.

"Why are you doing this Morgana? Where is the girl who was fighting for what was right?"

"Oh but I'm just here Arthur. I'm doing this because it must be done. I want magic to be restored here and to the magical people to be free. And that can only be by destroying your family." She spat angrily.

"And does that have to include the death of hundreds of innocents?" Arthur asked.

"Nobody in Camelot is innocent Arthur. Not even your precious manservant." She told him and watched as his eyes hardened and took hold of his sword.

"You have no right to talk about what you don't know Morgana." He hissed and Morgana laughed evilly, having found the perfect revenge.

"Oh but I know him Arthur. I probably know him better than you do. For example, did you know that he tried to kill me? At least twice?" She asked him and Arthur took his Sword out and pointed it at her throat. "Obviously not." She continued enjoying seeing him fume.

"You're lying." He answered her, taking a step forward menacingly.

"But you don't even know the best part yet. He's a Sorcerer Arthur and not just any Sorcerer but the most powerful of us." She said in a sing song voice.

"Stop lying Morgana!" Arthur yelled this time, sizing her by the throat, eyes dark.

"I'm not for once. It's him who his lying. And he has been lying to you for so long Arthur. Five year and you didn't notice a little thing." She continued, her eyes fixed on his, watching doubt slowly making its way in them. "You're an obvious idiot Arthur. Worst than your father. Merlin is a Sorcerer and yet you had given him you're trust. But don't worry, when I get out of here I will make him pay. I will make him suffer for what he did to me. I will…"

She could finish her sentence as she suddenly felt a sword being pushed inside her chest. She gasped, watching as Arthur pushed his sword inside her and out, leaving a burning pain in its wake. She felt to her knees and he accompanied her. When he talked to her, his voice was almost sounding sad.

"I'm truly sorry Morgana. I wished that things would have been different. I can't let you continue to kill innocent people. And I don't believe your lies."

Morgana wanted to answer him but she was already gasping for air and only a few seconds later black fell over her eyes and she felt herself die.

Arthur watched as Morgana became limp and slowly stood up. The bloody Excalibur still in his hand. Part of him felt sad and guilty for his sister's death but the rational part of him knew that this was the best option. Morgana alive there would always have been one more threat on Camelot. The real Morgana he had grown with had died a long time ago and it's her he missed, not the power-angry Sorceress. He turned his back to her body and went out, instructing the Guards to take care of in when he passed them.

It's only when he was outside the gloomy atmosphere of the dungeons that he allowed his mind to think about Morgana's final words. She had said that Merlin was a Sorcerer. The idea was impossible but she had seemed so honest for one moment that it had implanted the small seed of doubt inside his mind. He shook away the idea. That was what Morgana wanted. For him to doubt his friends. And he wouldn't give her the pleasure of doing so. Merlin had been loyal to him for five years and he had his entire trust.

He made his way across the Castle and found himself once more in front of the Infirmary door. After what he had done he needed to see Gwen. Everything may not be perfect between them and he may never forget what had happened with Lancelot but life was too short to ignore his heart. And his heart was telling him that he didn't want to be with anyone else than her. That he didn't want anyone else as his Queen. He walked through the door and found himself once more in the busy room. Most of the people on the cots seemed to be asleep despite the sun shining outside and the people who had some knowledge about medicine were checking on them. He spotted Gwen kneeling beside one cot at the back on the room and made his way towards her, acknowledging the bows he received with small head nods.

She looked up when he was a few paces from her and her face change into one of concern as she took in the bloody Sword hanging at his side. She went up and guided him towards a secluded corner of the room. When he finally reached her, he took her in his arms and hugged her tightly. She seemed surprised at first but then hugged him back, putting her head on his front. He closed his eyes, ashamed to find them wetter than what they should and breathed in the scent of her hair. They stayed there for a long moment but finally he released her and she put a hand on the side of his face, slowly stroking his cheek.

"What happened?" She asked silently.

"Morgana is dead." He answered as silently and he knew he doesn't have to say more for her to understand that he had killed her.

"Our Morgana died a long time ago, Arthur." She told him, and the conviction in his voice settled him. "You did what was right."

And then she brushed her lips against his and hugged him again and Arthur knew that the future will be far easier if she stayed with him.

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><p><strong>So... How did it go? Was it as you expected it? Did you like it? I can't wait for your opinion. It was the first time I thought about doing Morgana's POV and I hope it turned okay...<strong>

**THANK YOU!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Good night my dear readers that I love!**

**Are you ready for my new chapter? I hope so. I think this one (and the next) are two of the most important. I'm so anxious about them. Because it was so hard to write something good. I mean it looked great in my mind but I absolutly don't know if it's going tobe as great when YOU will read it. **

**Anyway, I'll leave you with it.**

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><p>Chapter 12:<p>

Merlin watched from the corner of his eye as Gwaine slowly nodded off and fell asleep, propped against the white wall of the tower. He was envious of that capacity to fall asleep wherever and whenever he wanted it. He couldn't blame the Knight for doing so however. After the good food they had and having spent so long in a dark cell of Camelot's dungeons the sun and the wind must have felt like heaven for his friend and the light flapping sound of Camelot's red flag above their head must have been a lullaby.

After a moment, and being sure Gwaine was asleep, Merlin took the cape off his shoulder and draped it over his friend, noticing once more the marks he bore from his time as prisoner. Merlin felt so guilty. He should have know that they wouldn't be treated well and he should have came back and saved them earlier. None of that mess would have happened if he had decided to fight back instead of running. All he had done with his magic was subdued Arthur to his will, kill Agravaine and cut Morgana from her powers before trying to kill her. He could have so easily freed his friends! Why hadn't he? To protect his precious secret? That seemed so unimportant now in front of Gaius' death. He wished he could go back in time, during that dreadful night, and stop Morgana and Agravaine before they destroyed everything he held dear, not caring if someone saw him using magic. Not caring if Arthur hated him for it.

But once more he had chosen the selfish path and made the wrong choice. And once more people died. Not only Gaius but also innocent people who meet their end before time because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. And now he could do nothing to change that and have to bear the consequences. And he hated that more than anything.

Merlin still hadn't moved when the sun slowly started to drop towards the horizon. His stomach was beginning to tie itself into tight knots, making him feel slightly sick. Part of him wanted to get up and run away, not caring about anything anymore but the more rational part of him knew it selfish and of no use as he knew that wherever he went, Gwaine would always find him. He glanced at the still-sleeping Knight and sighted, feeling the guilt well up again at the thought of what he was putting his friend through.

As if feeling his gaze, Gwaine choose this moment to stir, his eyes opening slowly, only to close again against the harsh light of the afternoon.

"Hmmm… Sorry, I think I've fallen asleep". He said sheepishly after a few seconds, rubbing the back of his neck as he pushed himself up.

"It's okay." Merlin answered, shrugging slightly, and silence felt again.

Gwaine got up and stretched his back and limbs with a grown. He then went to the edge of the tower and looked around for a few moments before getting back to Merlin, sitting himself in front of his friend. Merlin dropped his gaze to his feet.

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><p>A long time passed during which Merlin tried his best to gather his courage. He knew what was coming. And he knew somehow that even if he didn't wanted to, he would have to stand up and go to Gaius' funeral. Just the thought of it makes him want to shudder and he forced himself to maintain a perfectly controlled face and push his emotions away. He had to stop self-pitying himself. He didn't deserve any pity and it would only makes his friends worry. And he really didn't want that anymore. That's probably why, when Gwaine announce that they should go, he only nods and pushed himself up. He felt shaky at best but took a few deep breaths and refused Gwaine's help. He felt determined to stop being dependant of his friends. It wasn't fair that they had to suffer any more because of him. And he has the hope that if it looked like he was coping Gwaine would just understand that he should be left alone. Because that really was what they should all do. Let him alone. Being friends with him would only bring pain to them, one way or another.<p>

It's with those dark thoughts that he followed Gwaine as the Knight made his way through down the staircase then in the corridors leading outside. This time they weren't empty anymore and Merlin dropped his gaze to the floor, unable to face other people sympathetic look on him. He didn't want to see them. He didn't deserve their sympathy or their kind smiles. If they knew what he was they would burn him where he stands without a second thought. And they would be right. He heard whispers behind his back and did his best to ignore them, ducking his head a bit more and hugging himself tightly, fisting his hands to keep himself composed.

Finally, Gwaine lead him towards the back of the Castle in what had been used as a training ground but now was used as a burial place. The place was bathed in the red light of the setting sun. There were already many people there both noble and common people, all united in front of a pyre. Merlin tensed and had to violently fight the urge to turn his back and run without stopping. He hadn't realized he had stopped until Gwaine put a hand around his elbow and gently tugged him forward. Merlin took a deep breath and forced his feet to continue walking. He ignored the people around him who tried to give him their condolences and kept his glance firmly set in front of him, at the pyre on top of which he could see Gaius' body.

His entire mind was fighting the view, telling him that this was not real, that it was just one horrible nightmare from which he would wake up to find the Physician well and alive with a concerned gaze. But his heart knew it was true. And it made the ache he felt in his chest throb more and more violently. He focused on trying to maintain a calm mask but knew he hadn't succeeded all that well when he found Gwaine squeezing his arm a bit more forcefully. He could acknowledge the Knight however and just continue staring at the pyre.

A few minutes later and everybody around him bowed as Arthur made his way across the grass, a solemn air on his face. He was followed by a sad-looking Gwen. Merlin vaguely noticed that but didn't move, afraid that the tiniest movement would make him lose the control he had on himself and on his emotions. The King went to him and looked like he wanted to say something but caught himself and finally just put his hand on his servant shoulder and squeezed it for a few second before turning towards the pyre. Gwen came next to Merlin and put her hand around his arm gripped it tightly, much like Gwaine was doing. Strangely, it didn't made Merlin feel any better. Quite the opposite in fact, it made him almost angry.

When it looked like no one else would be coming, Arthur took a step forward and the few whispered conversations that had been held ceased immediately. The King then began to talk but Merlin wasn't able to hear him. It was like his brain was blocking everything else that the sight of Gaius out. The first time Merlin's eyes left the pyre was because of the flickering of the torch that was lit by a servant. His brain suddenly reconnected with the reality and caught up with what was going to happen and Merlin felt like screaming. His muscles tensed, making his shaking reappear, worse than ever.

He watched helplessly as the servant passed the torch to Arthur with a bow and Arthur took two steps closer to the pyre. He bowed his head for a few second then threw it in the wooden pile. Immediately the flames began to rise and invade the whole pyre. Merlin felt a physical hit at the view and couldn't stop the gasp and the step backward he took.

"No." He whispered and felt everybody's gaze on him.

Arthur turned to him and the leaping flame behind him created a sort of halo around him that made him look strangely powerful. Merlin was shaking his head slightly, his eyesight blurring from the tears that had once more began to fall and it was only Gwaine's and Gwen's grip on his arm that was preventing him to continue to fall down. But despite how hard it was, Merlin couldn't look away from the fire. It felt as if he could physically feel the burn of the flames on him. As if he should be there and not Gaius. Never Gaius. It hurt more than it had ever hurt before and Merlin was sure that he would never be able to breathe normally again after that. He was suffocating like someone was squeezing the air out of him and burning him from the inside and it felt like his mind was crumbling because now there wasn't any deny possible anymore. Gaius was dead and soon his body would be nothing more than a pill of ashes. Unconsciously, he started to struggle against his friends hold until they had no other choice than to let go and then he started running. Faster than he had ever ran before. Uncaring about the fact that he was still sobbing and that air seemed to be missing or that he ached all over and that is eyesight was wavering because of the tears and the lack of oxygen. He just needed an escape.

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><p><strong>A little review for my poor anxious mind?<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi my dear readers!**

**Surprised, aren't you? I thought I would do a fast update because I really recieved brillant review for the past chapter and I was so so so happy about them! You are all wonderful! I couldn't thank you enough!**

**I also wanted to tell you that I really love when you give me your wants and ideas in your reviews. You may think it's useless but I can assure you that it helps me a lot. You wouldn't imagine how much that story has changed since I began posted it. And even if I can include your idea in my plan I will be all the more happy to try and write you a one shot or something. So, please, give me your thoughts.**

**And I needed to ask you a very very important question : Do you notice many mistakes in this story? Because I had a big review who told me that my first chapter was awfully full of them and that she had stopped reading it because of them. So it kind of worries me, you see. Not that I will stop writing or anything but if I take in account your positive reviews I have to take in account the negatives too.**

**And now I'll stop ranting and let you read! Thank you again!**

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><p>Chapter 13:<p>

There was a knock at the door and Arthur took a deep breath to compose himself before authorizing the person behind it to enter. He relaxed however when he saw Gwen enter the room. She had taken the time to change into a simple dress and had let her hair fall loose around her shoulders. Even like that she looked beautiful. She came before him and he saw that her eyes were a bit red from crying so he took her in his arms and hugged her tightly for a few seconds. She sighted quietly against his chest then got on her toes to kiss him. They stayed for a few moments locked in their embrace, drowning force from each other until a new knock came. They gazed at each other for a moment then Arthur took Gwen's hand and went to the door. When he opened it a servant jumped back looking slightly scared and surprised to see that his King was opening the door and not alone.

"My Lord." He bowed deeply once recovered. "It's time."

"Yes. Thank you. You can go."

The boy bowed once more and went away quickly, leaving Gwen and Arthur alone in the corridor. Gwen seemed to sense his apprehension to go and squeezed his hand.

"Come on, Arthur. Delaying it won't help."

"Yes… I know… But it's like before I could pretend that everything was just a nightmare but now it becomes real… " He tried to explain her quietly.

"I know. I feel the same. But we have to move on. You know that's what Gaius would have wanted from us."

Arthur nodded and with a slight smile began to lead her outside. When they arrived outside, Gwen let go of his hand and he looked at her confusedly before understanding that she didn't want to anger the Council members that were attending to the ceremony. He hold back a growl and promised himself that once all at come back to normal he would marry Gwen and make her Queen if she still wanted too, without caring about their opinion. But before that, he had to face Gaius' burial. When the people spotted him they all bowed at him. All except Merlin who was standing abnormally still, his gaze fixed on the pyre in front of him. Once he was closer, he could see how pale and sick Merlin looked and he couldn't stop the pang of worry he felt nor Morgana's voice to come back in his head. _If he was an evil Sorcerer surely he wouldn't look so broken_, he thought sadly. He tried to find words to tell him that he was sorry and that the pain would go awake but he knew very well that those kind of words were absolutely useless when you lose someone so close to you so he just clasped his hand on his skinny manservant's one and squeezed it, hoping that it would bring some kind of comfort to the boy. He then regretfully turned away and approached the pyre where Gaius' body had been led on.

He took a deep breath then, after silence had fallen, began the speech he had written and learned earlier. It had been hard to put into words how a crucial ally and loyal friend Gaius had been but in the end he hoped that it had turned well enough. Usually Merlin would have helped in the writing but this time obviously the boy wouldn't have been able to. He looked as if only being here was difficult. Arthur had to work on himself to keep his voice strong and unwavering and was glad when he finished. A servant then lit a torch and passed it to him. Arthur took two steps forward and bowed his head to pay a final farewell to his friend and then threw the torch in the pyre. He watched as the flames rose instantly and jumped when he heard a cry behind him. He turned to see that it was Merlin and that the boy was now shaking badly watching with horror the pyre. Gwen and Gwaine were holding him tightly as he began to shake his head murmuring a constant chant of "_no, no, no_" while beginning to sob. He took a step toward them but before he had time to reach them Merlin had began to struggle so badly that Gwen then Gwaine had no other choice than to let go of him and the manservant took no time to bolt away, running blindly across the grass, leaving them stunned. Whispers instantly erupted from the people who were commenting the sweet boy outburst and Arthur had to stop himself from silencing them all. He closed the distance between him and Gwen and Gwaine to see her crying with a worried expression.

"Don't worry Gwen." The Knight was saying. "I'm going to find him."

"Actually, I will, Gwaine." Arthur interrupted, taking Gwen's hand. Gwaine looked like he wanted to protest but Arthur beat him at it. "Listen, I know how it feels like to lose your father okay? Trust me on this."

Reluctantly, Gwaine nodded and Arthur turned back to Gwen.

"I trust you and the Knights can handle the situation for a little while?"

"Of course" Gwen said, drying her eyes with a handkerchief, offering him a proud watery smile.

"Good. Gwaine?"

"Yes… Whatever."

Arthur nodded then left them to follow Merlin's trail. It looked like he went straight to the forest and did nothing to hide his tracks which made the task of following him easy even in the dusk.

Arthur walked for a long time through the forest. The sun was nearly set and already the warmth of day was receding leaving him glad that he had his red cape with him to keep him warm. He was considering getting back to Camelot when the trees around him began to lessen and soon he was faced with the view of a beautiful and huge lake. He stopped and took a moment to observe how the fading light reflected itself on the water creating little rainbows. He thought that he could stay here forever and never tire. He couldn't do that now however, he had a friend to find. So he forced himself to take his eyes away and searched the shore. He caught sight of Merlin skinny frame kneeling a few pace in the lake's water. Even from where he was standing Arthur could see the shakings that ripped through him and the way he was hugging himself as if he was physically keeping himself from shattering. He didn't lose more time and quickly made his way toward his friend. He took off his cape and slowly got into the water, surprised by his heat and kneeled too next to his friend.

"Merlin." He called once he was near enough.

The boy jumped and nearly lost his balance if it weren't for Arthur's hand that caught him by the elbow. He watched Arthur with a gaze that held far too many emotions for the King to deceiver and it only made a lump appear in his throat.

"What are you doing here?" Merlin asked, his voice hoarse and his eyes dropping to the water, hiding his feelings.

"I didn't want you to feel that you were alone." The King answered, remembering Merlin's word from when he had been in his situation.

It seemed to be the wrong thing to say however as he felt Merlin began to laugh hysterically before sobbing uncontrollably. Arthur didn't understand why his friend was reacting this way but deciding that thinking could wait until later so he just went closer to Merlin and gently began to drag him back on dry land. Merlin didn't seem to notice that they were moving and just let himself be guided bonelessly as he sobbed. Once they were on the shore Arthur made Merlin sit on the floor and draped his cape around the boy shoulders to try to warm him up. Merlin still had to stop crying but, for once, Arthur was willing to be patient. He knew that only time would help him and that what he would give him.

He found his thoughts drifting back to his memories of Gaius. In his way the old Physician had been the father Uther had never truly been. It had been Gaius who had held him when being a Prince became to overbearing as a child. Him who reassured him when he thought he wouldn't be worthy enough to become King of Camelot. Him who treated his wounds had they been physical or emotional. Without Gaius his childhood would have been all the more lonely. And that's why he understood so well Merlin's grief. He might not show it but he felt nearly the same. Because he knew what it was like to be at the receiving end of the Physician affection. And he would miss it deeply. Miss the words of encouragement, wisdom or the scolding when he had done something reckless and he promised himself that he wouldn't forget the old man nor what he had tried to teach him. Even if, at times, it had looked as if he wasn't listening. And one of the things he will begin to do was watch better over Merlin, because he knew how much Gaius had felt about him and how much himself cared about his friend. Despite the doubt about his suspected magic.

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><p><strong>So? What do you think? It's the second part of the funeral and I hope that it was good too. <strong>


	14. Chapter 14

_**Hi and welcome back readers of my heart!**_

_**BIG ANNOUNCEMENT : I've decided to hire a Beta! Yes, yes! And May Glenn was kind enough to take the job. So this chapter has been beta'ed by her! She is brillant! I can't thank her enough for her help!**_

**_Well, that's it. Nothing more to say I think. Thank you all for coming back! As ever, I'd love reviews with your thoughts. This one was hard to write and I actually had to go back and watch the real episode to give you exact citation :D_**

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><p>Chapter 14:<p>

Merlin had run and run and run until it felt that he might pass out but without a thought in his mind. When he finally stopped, his muscles burning and out of breath, he found himself in front of a lake. One he would always recognize. One where he had put both his love and best friend to rest. It seemed he would always be attracted by it whenever something bad happened in his life. It was like it was a place where he could let his emotions flare. He felt as if by being here would bring him closer to the dear ones he lost. He staggered across the shore, his tears still falling, blurring his vision, and took two steps in the water before letting himself fall on his knees in the lukewarm water. Once more his arms came across his stomach, squeezing tightly. He closed his eyes, hoping that he could fall asleep and never wake up. Again he was trembling but was unable to stop it. He felt so despairingly empty and cold. He didn't know if he could ever come back to his previous self. It felt as if there was no more joy in him. No more will to live.

He felt more than saw the sun finally disappearing, the air around him beginning to cool down but he didn't move. Behind him he heard a rustle of leaves and dismissed it as animal life. That's why he jumped when he heard Arthur calling his name. He nearly fell entirely down in the water but the King managed to steady him. He couldn't understand what his master was doing here and fixed him with a stare.

"What are you doing here?" He asked disbelievingly before lowering his eyes, feeling as if he had no right to look Arthur in the eyes.

The answer that Arthur gave him was just the most ironic thing he could have said and Merlin couldn't stop the slightly mad-sounding laughter that bubbled into him. Arthur didn't want _him_ to feel alone. The exact same words he had told the Prince when his father had died. If Arthur knew who he was he wouldn't care about Merlin being alone. Merlin found the guilt of Uther's death weigh once more on his heart and soul and he began sobbing. His throat constricted itself badly and he fought once more to just breathe. He vaguely felt Arthur hoist him up and guide him towards the shore, making him sit on the sand there before draping his cape across his shoulder and awkwardly holding him and coaxing him to breathe deeply before sitting next to him.

For a long time neither of them moved or talked and, had he not been busy trying to calm himself, Merlin would have been impressed by the patience Arthur was showing towards him. It wasn't something usual for the King to just sit in silence without doing anything. But he looked deep in thoughts, as lost in memories as Merlin was.

As the night moved on, the moon slowly rose up, casting its pure white light on the ground around the two sitting figures. Merlin watched as it was reflected on the calm lake water making it almost glow. He had finally stopped crying, not because he felt better but just because he hadn't any tears left. He felt Arthur shift beside him and had to stop himself from sighing, knowing what was coming.

"You know." Arthur began almost hesitantly, his voice low but still sounding very loud in the night's silence. "It might not feel like it right now but… It's going to get better. I know how it feels Merlin and I'd be lying to you if I told you that everything will be perfect again, that you will stop hurting but… It really gets better with time."

Merlin shook his head slightly without looking at Arthur, his mind screaming that the King shouldn't be there with him.

"You can't understand." He breathed, hoping that Arthur would just leave him.

"I do." Arthur insisted, a bit stubbornly. "Listen… Gaius was a bit like a father to me too. Sometimes I spent more time with him than my own father…"

"I'm sorry Arthur." Merlin answered, his voice wavering.

"It's not your fault. And, as I said, my father's death doesn't hurt so much anymore."

Merlin didn't answer, just let his head fall on his bent knees and silence fell once more.

"You shouldn't be there." Merlin said after a while, making Arthur jump out of his thoughts.

"And why that?"

"Because you're the King and I am just a lowly servant. And Kings don't follow their servant through the woods at night when they just took back their Kingdome from an evil Sorceress." Merlin explained matter-of-factly.

"No. You're right. Kings don't. But friends do. And tonight I'm not a King and you're not a servant. We're just two friends helping each other."

Arthur's words made Merlin want to smile and cry at the same time. It was good to have Arthur call him a friend but at the same time the price to pay had been too high and he didn't feel worthy any more to be the Kings friend. Suddenly Agravaine's final words came back to his mind and he shuddered. _How you've managed to deceive him! I am impressed. Perhaps we're more alike than you think_.

"You shouldn't things like that." Merlin told Arthur quietly.

"Why?"

_Because you will regret it_, Merlin thought but no words made past his lips because they would lead to questions he couldn't answer even if he wanted to. Because the lies went so deep that it felt as if he didn't know anymore what was the truth and what wasn't and because it has been drilled in his mind to keep the secret. Arthur looked like he wanted to push him to answer but finally thought better of it and clamped his mouth shut.

After that, neither of them talked again. Merlin because he didn't want to talk anymore and Arthur because he didn't know how to approach his friend who seemed to have shrunk back into himself. The Warlock was glad that Arthur didn't push him more and a bit proud because he could see it was hard for Arthur to refrain himself by the way he kept shifting from time to time. He wished he could find the courage to be honest with his King. To tell him about his magic and about the true self in his hiding. About the shadows that now lurked into his mind. But he couldn't. So he just keep sitting on the wet sand, staring at the water, waiting for the time to pass, without hope for the future.

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><p><em><strong>Thoughts? Suggestions? Comments? Loved? Hated? Anything? Leade a review :D !<strong>_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Hi dear readers!**_

_**I hope you are all well and have spent a great week! I didn't here much of you at the next chapter :(.**_

_**Anyway, here you go!**_

_**And thank you my dear Beta!**_

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><p>Chapter 15:<p>

Arthur watched despairingly as Merlin's eyes darkened when he called him his friend and couldn't understand the younger man's answer. He tried to get Merlin to explain himself but knew it would be fruitless so he just let the subject drop, adding it to the ever growing-list of "Merlin's small mysteries". It was weird how the boy could sometime look like an open book when at other times Arthur couldn't guess what he had in mind. He looked like a walking contradiction. Not only in his character but also in his look. Honestly Merlin looked so skinny that it felt as a gust of wind could blow him yet he was never hurt. Well except that time a few month ago. But even then he had recovered so quickly that Arthur wondered if his was even hurt in the first place.

Watching him now, sitting on the shore, huddled in on himself unmoving and tense, Arthur could only see a frightened and lost boy. And it made his heart clench because Merlin was the last person that should look like that. He should be his joyous, always happy-go-lucky self that sometimes annoyed Arthur to no end as well as made the day less boring.

He sighted quietly, preparing himself for a long night. Just because Merlin thought that he shouldn't be there, he wasn't going to leave. It's at times like this that true friends stuck by you, whether you wanted them or not.

As he expected, Merlin didn't say another word for the rest the night. He just kept staring in front of him, shuddering from time to time. The silence around them gave the occasion to Arthur's mind to wander through what had happened during the last few weeks. Not just the battle for Camelot, but the rest too. With all that had happened, Agravaine's deception had been pushed in the back of his mind, but now it came back. Arthur suddenly wondered if his Uncle had been led in by Morgana from the first time he set foot in the Castle nearly two years ago. At the time, it had felt so good to have a little piece of his family back. Maybe Merlin had been right when he had accused him of being blind when Gaius had been kidnapped. Was it Agravaine who had done that? It had been he who had told Arthur of his doubts of Gaius' loyalty and Arthur had just blindly followed his Uncle's advice despite his better judgment. And now he could clearly see many other decisions of his that had been influenced by the one he trusted as a family member.

Suddenly he remembered that Merlin had tried to warn him a few weeks ago of missing plans and he hadn't trust his words. He regretted that now. He wanted to ask Merlin if he knew that Agravaine had been betraying him the whole time. He even opened his mouth to do so but closed it quickly. It was obvious that Merlin knew. Arthur had just dismissed all the warnings that his friend had given him and so Merlin probably hadn't had the courage to go to him again after that. He felt the need to apologize to Merlin and put it down on a "little things to tell Merlin later" list.

Thinking of Agravaine brought his mind back to Morgana. She had been so full of hatred. It had been hard to watch her like that and it had been hard to kill her but he knew that it had been the right choice. He couldn't stop wondering, however, if he could have done something to help her when she was still with them. It felt as if he was a bit responsible for her hatred. Maybe it was just her fear that was expressing itself. He shook his head. It was too late to think about what he could have changed now. It couldn't be done. He thought once more about her words about Merlin. Where they the truth or just some lies to destroy the little trust he had in people around him? It seemed barely possible that someone like Merlin had magic. But yet that's when it seemed that Morgana was telling the truth. Why would she lie about something so unthinkable as Merlin as a Sorcerer? That question bothered Arthur deeply. Far too deeply for comfort in fact and he felt bad hiding his doubts to Merlin. He thought that he should just ask the question of Merlin and the boy ouldl answer him and throw his doubt away. But the problem was he was scared that he wouldn't trust Merlin's word. Because it sometimes felt to Arthur as if Merlin was hiding something. He never thought he was magic but after Morgana's revelation he couldn't stop himself doubting.

He fixed his stare on Merlin, trying and failing to imagine him as an evil Sorcerer. One thing he was sure of was that Merlin could never be evil even if he wanted to. He always tried to be nice to everyone and help everyone, so much that he was badly neglecting himself in the process. But did that mean that he wasn't a Sorcerer? Arthur couldn't answer that. He tried to remember every time he had felt that Merlin was hiding something but he couldn't link the something with magic. But he hadn't seen that Morgana had magic either, his brain reminded him, and he immediately felt guilty comparing Merlin's kind soul to Morgana.

To distract himself he averted his eyes from Merlin and looked at the scenery around him, taking in his beauty at night. He noticed that the sky was slowly beginning to change color, becoming orange red at the east. Arthur sighed and rubbed his hand through his hairs and on his neck. He knew that they would soon have to go back to Camelot and that Merlin wouldn't want to. But the young man had to and, even if he hated it, Arthur was ready to force him.

It came to a surprise when, hours later, Merlin willingly stood up and accepted going back to Camelot. He hadn't said a word and kept his eyes on the ground the whole time but Arthur was impressed with him. What didn't come as a surprise, however, was when Merlin stumbled after only a few paces. Between the servant's natural clumsiness and his lack of food and sleep he hadn't expected less. And that's why he was ready to catch him, and kept a hand around his waist after that.

They walked slowly through the forest and it was only when the sun was well high in the sky that they passed the lower town's gates. The guards watched them curiously but didn't make any comment as they bowed their heads respectfully. They only made a few meters inside when Merlin abruptly stopped. Arthur felt the trembling that had never completely stopped become worse.

"What is it Merlin?" Arthur asked quietly, trying to catch his friend's eyes.

"I… I don't want to go back in the Castle just now." He said in a whisper, not raising his gaze and Arthur his struck by just how broken and lost Merlin sounded. Arthur hesitated and looked around him without knowing how to respond to Merlin's obvious distress.

"You don't have to…" He began and then an idea popped in his mind. "I have an idea. Come on." he exclaimed before leading Merlin down another street. It was a few minutes before they found themselves before the familiar wooden door. He waited anxiously, hoping that the owner would be there and released a sigh when he heard the door being pulled open.

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><p><em><strong>So, what do you think of it? Aren't you sick of me now? :D<strong>_

_**Oh and I received a review pointing was more my errors. I feel really sorry... But now I have a beta and will probably go back through the whole story when finished. **_

_**Thank you again for reading!**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Hello!**_

_**Here is the 16th chapter! It probably isn't that long, sorry.**_

_**I hope you'll enjoy it :D. **_

_**Thank you for reading!**_

_**And Thanks to my Beta!**_

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><p>Chapter 16:<p>

Gwen had just finished preparing herself for a new day of work at the Infirmary when a knock at the door interrupted her. She tensed slightly but went to open the door nonetheless. It was a total surprise when she found herself in front of Arthur and Merlin. They both looked as if they hadn't slept at all and Merlin looked more ill than what she remembered. She didn't lose any time letting them in and closed the door while Arthur guided his servant to sit at the table. Gwen offered them both a cup of the fresh tea she just made and Arthur thanked him while Merlin just nodded slightly, looking absorbed in his thoughts. She immediately felt worry coil in her stomach and had to stop herself from taking him in her arms.

"We were wondering if Merlin could stay here for a little while." Arthur asked when it was clear that Merlin wasn't about to speak for himself.

"Oh yes! Of course!" Gwen exclaimed before sitting herself next to her friend. "For as long as you need it, Merlin."

He didn't answer but nodded his head again gratefully. She could nearly feel the fatigue emanating from him and sighted quietly.

"Why don't you go and lie down for a bit, Merlin?" she proposed and hated the way he seemed to hesitate before nodding and getting slowly up.

Gwen's eyes fell on Arthur's and she could see how worried he was too. He watched as Merlin took off his shoes and brown coat and slowly lied down on Gwen's bed. She then went next to him and covered him with a blanket before caressing his forehead to calm him. She saw how he tried to resist sleep but it was a losing battle and in minutes he was asleep. She stayed with him for a few seconds then went back towards the bench where Arthur was sitting. She sat beside him and pulled him into an embrace. They both watched their friend for a few minutes before Arthur gently pushed Gwen away.

"Can you watch over him for a while? I don't like the idea of him being alone…" He asked in a whisper.

"Of course." Gwen answered just as softly. "I'm worried about him." She added after a beat.

"Me too, Gwen… Me too." Arthur answered before kissing her lightly and getting up. "I'll try to come back to check on him later."

Gwen nodded and led him to the door. He seemed reluctant but he finally left and Gwen watched him make his way down her street towards the Castle under the curious stares of the commoners. She then went back in her house and took a chair to sit next to her best friend, once more caressing his forehead and watching him sleep, hoping that he would feel better after sleeping.

For more than an hour, everything is quiet in the house except for the light breathing of the sleeping Merlin. But just as Gwen began to relax, reassured that Merlin seemed peaceful, a knock made her jump. She put a hand on her heart and got up before going at the door, ready to pass her nerves on whoever dared to risk waking Merlin up. She softened however when she saw Gwaine looking slightly awkward at her doorstep.

"Arthur told me Merlin was there…" He began rubbing the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. "And well I thought that I should come and see how he was…"

"Of course," she whispered with a smile and moved away. "Come in."

Gwaine obliged and she saw his eyes fall on the sleeping form of Merlin, curled on his side under the blanket. He seemed relieved to see his friend was asleep and sat himself at the table with a light grunt. Gwen smile at his concern.

"I'm glad Arthur managed to bring him back." He breathed.

"Yes. Me too."

"Shouldn't you be helping at the Infirmary?" Gwaine asked after a moment of silence during which they just watched Merlin sleep.

"Oh yes. Yes. But Arthur asked me to stay here and I don't mind at all."

"If you want I can stay here so you can go."

"Don't you have some Knightly duties?" she questioned.

"Nope. I spent the last days in prison. I'm still in shock." the Knight answered, feigning weakness and Gwen laughed quietly.

"Okay." she agreed reluctantly. She didn't like having to go away but at the same time she knew people needed her help now that they hadn't any official Court Physician anymore.

She took her time to gather her things and clean the table before going to Merlin and kissing his forehead lightly. After that she nodded to Gwaine and went out. The walk towards the Infirmary was a short one so she arrived there only a few minutes after that. When she passed the wooden door she was greeted with the sight of patients lying on their bed and a handful of servants taking care of their needs. Once they saw her they immediately came forth to greet and report to her. She still was awkward about that new ritual but it seemed that having helped Gaius on a regular basis had made her the new natural leader of the Infirmary. It wasn't that she minded that at all but she knew that she wasn't at all the most qualified about Medicine and she felt a bit overwhelmed by the responsibilities. It usually would have been Merlin in charge if Gaius wasn't available. But this time it was out of question to ask him to take care of the wounded when it was clear that he wasn't really able to take care of himself. Thankfully however they had found some mildly-skilled Physicians and herbalists who knew enough to help and they were doing as much as physically possible. Most of them were barely leaving the Infirmary and Gwen had to force them to leave the place to get some rest. She had organized shifts and currently there was only the Herbalist apprentice and a young woman from the Lower Town present. They were tucked in one corner at a table and where preparing Potions for the injured to take when they woke up. They were following the recipe from a thick book Gwen had gone to retrieve from Gaius' chambers the day before. It had been hard for Gwen to go back there but she had known that it was necessary if they wanted to have a chance to really help. She went to ask if they need help and they just smiled and said that they were managing. Gwen smiled when she saw how close the two were and she couldn't stop the thought of Arthur from entering her mind, making her smile grow.

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><p><strong><em>So? Loved it? Hated it? What do you think will happen next? I'm waiting for your comments!<em>**

**_I have to work on my next chapter :D _**


	17. Chapter 17

_**Helloooo my dear readers :D**_

_**Look what the Easter bunny had given me for you :D. A new chapter! And what a chapter!**_

_**It is specially dedicated to my dear beta May Glenn who gave me the idea for the first part of the chapter (which means that it is her you should blame for that).**_

**_I hope you will love it! _**

**_And Happy Easter!_**

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><p>Chapter 17:<p>

When Merlin awoke next it was to the sound of harsh coughing followed by a growl. He frowned slightly and lifted a hand to rub his eyes before sitting up. He felt only remotely better than when he had fallen asleep, but the continued coughing made him search the room. His eyes fell on Gwaine who was sitting at the table, trying his best to get his breath back, his eyes closed, arms wrapped around his ribs, obviously in pain. Immediately Merlin leaped to his feet and hurried towards his friend, ignoring the nausea in his gut at his rapid movement.

"Gwaine!" He exclaimed worriedly when he knelt in front of his friend. "Are you alright?"

"What? Me? Yes, absolutely… Sorry to have woken you." Gwaine managed to say breathlessly.

"Don't lie to me Gwaine. I'm not a complete idiot."

"I didn't say that, mate. Just saying I'm fine."

Merlin just looked at him with a pointed look.

"Fine," Merlin said, crossing his arms. "Lift your shirt then" he commanded.

"You really spent too much time with Arthur, you even begin to sound like him you know" Gwaine tried to joke and made no move to obey Merlin.

"Lift it or I'll do it for you. You know I can." The Warlock threatened even if he knew he wouldn't use magic to force his friend to do anything.

It seemed to be convincing enough however because Gwaine sighed and carefully lifted his shirt above his head, letting it fall on the bench.

"Gwaine!" Merlin exclaimed once more when he saw his friend's chest.

It was nearly entirely covered in bruises, all in various stages of healing and shades of colors from yellow to black. But the one that captured Merlin's attention was the angry red one directly above the ribs on the left side of Gwaine torso. Merlin's protective instincts instantly kicked in and he put his hands on it, feeling the ribs beneath it. He apologized profusely when the Knight winced and felt guilt and anger warring in him. _How could he have not noticed this?_ Surely Gwaine had been in a lot of pain and he hadn't even noticed a thing!

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, knowing the answer but still feeling the need to ask. "You have a least a fractured rib. We have to get it wrapped up before it breaks completely."

"It's alright, Merlin, really." Gwaine tried to protest.

"No it's not! People have died from that kind of injury Gwaine!" Merlin exclaimed and that was enough to shut the Knight up, proving the Warlock that he was right to worry if he could win so easily an argument with the Knight. "I'm taking you to the Infirmary to patch you up."

Merlin said and helped his friend to put his shirt back on. He still couldn't believe that he had been so wrapped up in his own grief and self-pitying to miss that one of his best friends had obviously been badly hurt. And he probably wasn't the only one. He had no right to let himself drown in grief when other people were suffering. He shook his head and steeled himself, pushing his emotions away and locking them in a little corner of his mind before helping Gwaine to stand and leading him outside, towards the Castle. He ignored the pain that flared in his heart when he passed the doors of the Castle and forced his feet to keep going.

They arrived a few minutes later in the Infirmary and the room went silent when the people noticed them. Gwen was the first to move and came towards them.

"Merlin! Gwaine! What is it? What's wrong?" She asked, checking over them with her eyes.

"Gwaine has a fractured rib and forgot to tell us about it." Merlin explained, his tone just a bit harsh, and he madee the Knight sit and went towards the table were all the supplies had been laid out. Once more he ignored the tightness in his chest and the sense of utter wrongness that he felt doing what should be Gaius' work and kept his mind fixed on his goal. He quickly found a paste to help with the bruises and linen to keep Gwaine's rib in place.

He then turned back towards his two friends and made Gwaine take his shirt off again. He was waiting for a new round of complain from the Knight but none came and Merlin knew that his friend had probably understood that it would be useless because he would ignore them, or maybe the Knight was feeling worst than Merlin thought. He heard Gwen gasp behind him and began his work. He carefully applied the paste on all of the Knight's bruises, and noticed that Gwaine's skin felt a bit too warm. He shook his head and wrapped his friend's torso tightly with the linen and the Knight bit his lip to stop himself from crying out.

"I'm sorry," he said sheepishly. "I'll give you something for the pain and the fever. You feel a bit too warm."

His friend didn't answer but nodded as Merlin once again moved away. The Warlock caught him locking gaze with Gwen but ignored it. After Gwaine drank the two Potions he handed him, Merlin made him lie down on the bed, knowing that the Potion for the pain tend to make the patient sleepy. Two minutes later, the Knight was snoring softly. Merlin observed him for a moment, telling himself that his friend would be okay and fighting the guilt that was welling up inside of him at the thought that Gwaine had been hurt without him noticing. He hadn't even noticed Gwen was still with him until he felt her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, he will be fine." She said. "You can go back to my home if you want. I'll tell you when he wakes."

"No. No, since I'm here I'll help." Merlin answered, looking up at her to see she seemed worried. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. And I'm sure you need help."

Gwen seemed to hesitate but she finished by nodding her head and Merlin forced himself to smile at her. She seemed a bit reassured and helped him to get up and began to tell him about the patients, leading him from bed to bed. All the while he felt the curious stares of the other servants on them but ignored them.

A week later Merlin was busy helping with Gwen's coronation preparations. He had spent the past seven day helping in whatever way he could. First in the Infirmary, watching over the hurt, brewing potions, all in all, doing Gaius' job. But then, more and more of their patient get better and he hadn't had enough work to keep his mind occupied so he had decided to help the cleaning and repairing of the Castle and the Lower Town. He had also resumed his duties as manservant to Arthur even if the King was clearly against it and wasn't giving him any orders. The other people had first been surprised but they had quickly let him help and now they didn't even seem to notice him. And that suited Merlin just fine. He was happy enough to just work because it kept himself from thinking too much and kept the pain in his chest relatively away. He had however decided to stay in Gwen's house. He wasn't feeling ready to go back to his old Chambers and his friend didn't mind having him. In fact he knew she was glad because she thought that by living with him she could keep an eye on him.

Little did she know that every night he just waited for her to fall asleep to get up again and resume working. He couldn't sleep well, making nightmares that left him shaking and fighting to put his emotions back in their place at the back of his mind. So he decided that it was best to put his time at use to help. He usually went back to Gwen's just before sunrise to catch a couple hours sleep. Thankfully, Arthur's proposal and the preparation for the wedding and the coronation had been taking a lot of Gwen's mind so she hadn't questioned why he still looked tired. The other one he was misleading was Gwaine. The Knight had quickly recovered of his fever and made it his mission to keep an eye out for Merlin but, so far, the Warlock had been clever enough to dodge all his friend's questions about his health, claiming he was fine and managing to smile convincingly enough. The only thing he has to be careful was to never eat with one of his friends because his appetite hadn't come back either and that would lead to questions.

He was forced out of his thoughts when a voiced called him. He turned to see Gwen standing behind him looking at the Great Hall in awe. He took a moment to look around the room itself and admitted that it looked impressive indeed.

"Gwen, what are you doing here?" He asked.

"I wanted to see how the preparations were going. I'm glad to see it's nearly finished. It's really beautiful."

"It is." Merlin agreed and saw the way Gwen kept playing with her hands. "You're worried aren't you?"

"Oh Merlin! You can't imagine! What if something goes wrong? What if the people hate me? What if they don't trust me after all I've done?"

"Gwen. Everything is going to be perfect. And the people are going to love you. Arthur trusts you. It is enough for them to do the same. You're going to be a great Queen. The best Camelot has ever known."

Gwen smiled at his reassurance and enveloped him in a tight hug.

"I don't know what I'd be doing without you Merlin."

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><p><em><strong>So? What do you think? I'm anxious about this one. You can now probably guess what will happen after that (well, part of it.)<strong>_

**_Please, tell me your thoughts :D_**

**_And I take requests too :D._**


	18. Chapter 18

_**Oh, hi!**_

_**Hum okay, first of all, I apologize for the lateness... I know you were waiting for it and meant to post this chapter yesterday as usual but life really get in the way and then I noticed I hadn't corrected it... But here it is!**_

_**I wanted to answer to comealongsong as I couldn't PM you : Morgana's words are always in the back of Arthur's head.**_

_**Anyway, I'll leave you with the chapter. I'm really anxious about this one because in my head it was me trying to write a more optimistic chapter but I'm not sure it turned out okay...**_

_**Onwards!**_

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><p>Chapter 18:<p>

Arthur watched as the crowd began to fill the Great Hall, feeling anxious and ecstatic at the same time. He couldn't wait for Guinevere to finally be crowned Queen of Camelot. He let his eyes wander over the faces of the nobles and towns-people gathering. His eyes fell on his manservant who was standing awkwardly in the first row in new clothes that Arthur had given him. It made him look almost noble. It wasn't enough, however, to mask the fact that he had lost a lot of weight or that he had dark circles beneath his eyes. Arthur knew that the boy had been helping a lot this past week and that he owed him a lot for the preparations for the wedding and the coronation but Gwen had assured him that he was sleeping soundly. The King doubted it, seeing his manservant, but, with all that had happened, he simply hadn't had the time to ask Merlin about his health. Usually the boy would deliver his meals and take his dirty clothes and be away before Arthur even had the time to think of a way to approach the subject without Merlin clamming up. Next to Merlin were his closest Knights beginning with Gwaine (who seemed to never be too far away from Merlin these days), Elyan, Percival and Leon. They all looked proud and happy for him except for Gwaine who also looked a bit worried and kept glancing regularly at his neighbour. Merlin was ignoring him however and was studying the floor with his hands clasped behind his back as he usually did ever since Gaius' death. Arthur tore his eyes away from his manservant, pushing his worry for him back for later and noticed that everyone seemed to have arrived. And after a few seconds, the crowning ceremony began and Gwen made her way towards him in her beautiful dress. He felt love fill him and couldn't keep the smile off his face, forgetting everything else except his beautiful wife.

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><p>An hour later and Arthur was sitting next to the newly crowned Queen Guinevere, accepting congratulations from the members of the Court. Usually, that sort of thing bored him no end but this time it only made him proud and happy because each time a new noble came in front of them, he remembered that from now on he would never be alone, he would always have Gwen to share his responsibilities and problems with. Looking at her blushing face made him just smile wider and he squeezed her hand a little more to encourage her. She had been perfect so far, already looking and acting regal even if she wasn't born noble. She thanked every noble and even made conversation with them.<p>

When everybody finally had passed before them, Arthur invited them to go to the Feast that had been organized in the Banquet Hall. When they arrived there, they found the Hall also beautifully decorated and, in the middle of it, a huge table full of food waiting to be dispatched by servants who were waiting respectfully in line. Arthur and Gwen nodded to them and then sat themselves at their place at the table, motioning to everyone to do the same. Immediately everyone obeyed and began to talk as the servants began their work. Arthur smiled at Gwen and saw her relax a bit now that all the attention wasn't on them anymore.

"You were brilliant, my Queen," he told her and she blushed.

"Oh, stop it Arthur," she mumbled before thanking the servant who had given her a plate full of food.

Arthur grinned at her and began eating his own plate, noticing that the Cooks seemed to have put extra care into making everything perfect too. He made a note to thank them after that. He let his eyes once more observe the crowd before him. Everybody seemed to be happy, eating and drinking while conversing with people around them. His gaze stopped at the table to his right where his Knights where sitting and he noticed that Gwaine wasn't drinking but rather looking anxiously at someone at the other end of the table. Following his line of sight Arthur found Merlin sitting there, looking really uncomfortable and playing with his food, his expression dark and unreadable. He felt his previous concern flare back and had to fight the impulse to get up and talk to his manservant. It wouldn't be proper for a King during his Queen's Coronation Feast however, even if he knew Gwen wouldn't mind. In fact, she seemed to have noticed something wasn't right because she laid a hand on his.

"What's wrong Arthur?" she asked in a low voice.

"Nothing. It's just… I'm worried about Merlin… Something isn't right…" he explained reluctantly, not wanting to worry her.

"Yes… I've noticed too… You think it's still because of Gaius' death? He seemed to be better lately…" She commented as they watched Gwaine get up and walk towards Merlin with a determinate gaze before engaging a whispered conversation.

"I don't know… I'll talk to him later." Arthur decided and Gwen nodded her head, still looking a bit worried.

Arthur smiled at her and tried to make her forget her concern. He succeeded pretty well and it was a while later when he found himself looking at the Knights' table again. He was surprised to find it distinctly Merlin-less. Searching the rest of the room, the boy was nowhere to be found, but he also saw that already a lot of nobles had retired. He motioned to the servant behind him and told him to ask the Knight to come forth.

"Gwaine. Where is Merlin?" he asked to a pretty unhappy Gwaine.

"He said he was tired and going to bed." the Knight explained but Arthur knew by his tone that he hadn't believed him.

"And you didn't follow him?" the King asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He said that I shouldn't miss the party because he wanted to turn in early and that if I dared following him he would ban me from the Tavern. He can be scary when he wants to, you know!" Gwaine explained and Arthur had the feeling his Knight was lying to him without understanding the reasons why.

Arthur nodded nonetheless and went back to his seat with a frown and resigned himself to a long wait before he could talk to Merlin.

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><p>But in fact, it hadn't taken as long as he expected to see Merlin again. He had been closing the window of his Chambers before going to bed with his Queen when he caught sight of a man sitting on the ground beneath his window, looking at the Countryside ahead of the Castle. Even from this far away Arthur recognized the shadow and froze. Gwen came up behind him.<p>

"Arthur?" she asked, putting her hands around his waist. "What is it?"

"Look." Arthur pointed.

"Is it Merlin?"

"I think so."

"You should go talk to him." Gwen advised, hugging him slightly.

"What about you?" Arthur asked torn between his need to help Merlin and the desire to be with Gwen on her first night as Queen.

"I'll manage to fall asleep alone, Arthur. I've done it before. And we have all the time to be together in the future. I am not about to disappear. Merlin needs you more than me at the moment," Gwen said, looking in his eyes with a slight smile.

"What have I done without you?" Arthur asked with an answering smile before kissing her.

"I wonder… Now go."

Arthur nodded, kissed her again then took his blue cape and went out.

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><p><em><strong>So? What do you think? I have to leave internet for a while this afternoon, I'm hoping I'll have a lots of comments from you to tell me how bad I am at making a pseudo-happy chapter :D.<strong>_


	19. Chapter 19

**_Hi my dear readers!_**

**_Once more sorry for the delay but I have a good reason for! The fact is my dear Beta commented on something missing in the chapter so I had to add something and it got in my mind only yesterday and turned out to be big and I had to make it corrected a second time... But I think that it is bette now. I hope you'll enjoy too (and not hate me)._**

**_And a special thanks to my Beta May Glenn. You can't imagine how much better this story becomes thanks to her. And she even corrected this one two times very quickly. I won't thank you enough for all that!_**

**_Well, I'll let you read. Anxiously waiting in my corner for reviews to tell me what you think of it._**

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><p>Chapter 19:<p>

Merlin sat himself on the ground where a week before the people of Camelot had burned their dead. It had been the first time since then that he had been able to go near this place. But oddly enough his feet had brought him there and he had felt the need to stay for a while. He didn't know what to feel anymore. He couldn't even put words to all the emotions he was feeling. He felt pushed in so many directions. He rested his head on his knees and closed his eyes for a few seconds. He felt so tired but at the same time he didn't want to sleep. He didn't want the nightmares that would come with sleep. He reopened his eyes and looked at the scenery before him. The moon was high in the sky and cast its white light everywhere. There were a million stars in the sky and they all seemed to be mocking him, looking so peaceful. His mind wandered back to the events of the day. He felt proud of Gwen's Coronation. She had looked beautiful with that crown on her head and Arthur had seemed happier than Merlin had ever seen him before. Merlin felt happy for them but at the same time the lonely feeling he had chased away with work the past week had come back full force. Because now that they were truly together as King and Queen it just seemed to show him that he had no one. That he was still just the lowly servant wandering after Arthur. And it hadn't helped that he had felt as if Gaius was beside him during the Ceremony. He knew that the Physician would have been so happy to see Gwen being crowned.

Merlin jumped as someone sat down next to him. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard the person coming and he cursed internally.

"I thought you were supposed to turn in early," Arthur said, removing the hood of his cape.

"And I thought you would be with your Queen," Merlin replied, hoping to dodge the question.

"Well… I would be… Except I caught a certain Manservant who should be sleeping wandering on my grounds in the middle of the night."

"Sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for. Anyway, Gwen wanted me to come."

Merlin didn't answer and didn't look at Arthur. He wished the King would go away. He hadn't wanted to worry the King or ruin his night with Gwen. In fact he didn't want anyone to worry about him anymore. That was the point in avoiding Gwaine too.

"So. Care to explain to me what you are doing here when you're supposed to be asleep?" Arthur asked some time later.

"I couldn't sleep. That's all." Merlin answered just a little harshly.

"And for how long exactly?"

Merlin shrugged in response and heard Arthur sigh beside him.

"Listen Merlin. I know it doesn't always look that way but… You can talk to me if something is bothering you. I could give you some time off or…"

"I don't want time off?" Merlin interrupted. "I'm fine."

"You're not. And I would appreciate if you would stop lying to me, and to yourself, if you believe that."

"Because you know better than me how I feel?" Merlin asked angrily, pushing himself up, only to fall back again when hit by a wave of dizziness.

"Merlin! You idiot!" Arthur exclaimed and put his hand on his shoulder to help steady him.

"I'm fine," Merlin grunted, trying unsuccessfully to shake Arthur's hand away.

"Oh yeah, right. I can see that perfectly. When was the last time you've eaten properly?"

"I'm not hungry," Merlin replied with a shrug.

"Merlin… You can't go on like that." Arthur began only to be cut off again by Merlin.

"I'm fine."

"Say that again and I swear…" Arthur began but forced himself to calm down with a deep breath. An idea struck him. "I think you need a holiday, Merlin."

"What?" Merlin asked, confused and a little worried by Arthur's sudden change of mood.

"Yes. You need to go away from here for a while."

"Are you… Are you firing me again?" Merlin asked, feeling a new kind of hurt and fear make its way into his heart.

"No. I'm just saying that I think it would do you good to be away from Camelot for a bit. Why don't you go visit your mother for a few days? Surely she would be glad to see you after what happened."

Merlin understood what Arthur meant and looked at him with panicked eyes.

"You haven't told her about Gaius?" the King asked and Merlin felt his chest constrict. He shook his head in response, lowering his eyes to the ground. "Merlin! She needs to know!"

Merlin shrugged. He knew that his mother had a right to know about Gaius' death but he hadn't felt the will nor the courage to write a letter to her. He didn't want to sadden her. And he didn't want to explain to her how it was his fault that her friend was dead.

"You know what? I'll accompany you there."

"What? No. Arthur, there's no need. I don't want to go."

"I don't care. Tell yourself that I want to thank the people for their help during our escape if that helps."

"Arthur no!" Merlin tried to protest. He didn't want to go back to Ealdor. He didn't want to face his mother.

"This is not open for discussion Merlin. We ride tomorrow. Now, I'll take you back to Gwen's house and you are going to get some sleep."

Merlin wanted to argue but Arthur pulled him to his feet and he had to fight a new wave of lightheadedness. He had no other choice but to follow the King's lead.

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><p><em>Merlin watched, petrified, as Morgana slowly advanced towards Gwen. He knew he should do something to stop the Witch but his brain seemed to refuse to do anything. Morgana raised her sword and from the corner of his eyes, Merlin saw Arthur arrive, a frightful expression on his face. This shook Merlin out of his trance. He knew Arthur would be too late. But he could save Gwen. He raised his hand and with a flash of gold eyes sent Morgana flying across the room but not before she had time to thrust her sword at Gwen. <em>

_For one second, everything seemed to go fine but then Gwen let out a cry and Merlin saw with horror blood seeping through her dress. It felt like his heart stopped, fear coursing through his veins faster than ever. He watched in an almost detached way how she fell to the ground, already unconscious, Arthur catching her. The King had never looked so desperate and it sent a cold feeling through Merlin's body. Arthur yelled for someone to help but, somehow, Merlin knew that it was too late. He couldn't explain how but he just knew Gwen was beyond salvation. The new Court Physician came in and confirmed Merlin's expectation: it was too late to save the Queen. Merlin felt his heart break for his friend's pain but it was nothing compared to his own pain when Arthur turned towards him, his expression a mix of hurt, betrayal but also faint hope._

"_You're a Sorcerer," he spat angrily. "Help her."_

"_I… I can't…" Merlin answered sadly, his voice tearful. "I wish I could..."_

_Merlin felt all his hopes of being accepted by Arthur vanish. Now the King watched him with an angry expression and Merlin knew that this was the end of him. Maybe if he had been able to save Gwen he would have been pardoned, but now, everything was lost and Merlin knew Arthur saw him as another evil Sorcerer, another Monster. Merlin felt himself shake as Arthur got up and draw Excalibur. He took a step back._

"_Arthur…" He could only say past the lump in his throat._

"_You're no different from Morgana. I condemn you to death," Arthur said icily and continued to advance towards his former manservant._

_Merlin was frozen to the spot. Arthur's words hurt more than anything else, making him willing to die. Merlin wasn't even afraid. It felt as if a part of him had always known it would end like this. With him dying. He just thought he would die in battle and not by the Sword he had made for Arthur. How ironic. Arthur prepared himself to strike but just at the moment his sword was about to touch Merlin, Gwaine appeared out of nowhere, and the sword plunged into his friend's body instead. To Merlin it felt even worse than if the sword was plunged into his own flesh. He watched helplessly as his friend fell to the floor, his blood already pooling on the white floor beneath them. _

Merlin awoke with a jerk. It took him a long time to convince himself that what he had just witnessed was only a dream and to get his breath under control. For a week he had nightmares every time he let himself fall asleep but this one had been a new one and it seemed to stay with him even now that he was awake, making his heart beat fast from fear.

When he was finally calm again, he got up and went to the window. Outside, the sun was already rising and people began their work. He hoped that he had dreamed the events of last night but his hopes were soon crushed when Gwaine knocked at his door a few minutes after he had dressed.

"Arthur told me we're going to Ealdor," he said as a good morning.

"No. We're not," Merlin protested, after a beat during which he just stared at the Knight, amazed to see him well and alive. "And if you would excuse me, I have work to do."

"Yes, Arthur said that you would say something like that, too, and said to ignore it and for once I agree with him. Now sit down, I'll make you breakfast. And you should feel honored, I don't do that for anyone."

Merlin opened and closed his mouth a few times, not believing what was happening to him and feeling irritated at his life being order about like that.

"Gwaine. Please. I don't want to go."

"It will make you feel better Merlin.", the Knight answered and put tea and bread in front of Merlin.

"And you know that because?" the Warlock cut, anger coloring his voice.

"Merlin…" Gwaine said with a threatening voice and Merlin sighed, knowing it was unfair to take his frustration out on his friend.

"Sorry."

"Good. Now eat and get ready. Arthur wants to go at midday."

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><p><strong><em>So? You hate me now because I virtually killed everyone now? To be honest I quite hated me myself writing it.<em>**

**_Thank you for reading, reviewing, alerting!_**


	20. Chapter 20

_**Goodnight !**_

_**So, I post you the chapter a little early because I will be very busy this week (pray that my muse will still visit me, I'm beginning to slightly panic...).**_

_**I'm also a bit concerned because I haven't had many reviews lately so I wonder if this is still good...**_

_**Anyways, I hope you will enjoy the chapter!**_

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><p>Chapter 20:<p>

Gwaine watched as Merlin obviously forced himself to eat the breakfast he had prepared and he realized suddenly that this was the first time in a week that he actually saw Merlin really eat something, even if it was a slow process that consisted more of playing with his food than actually eating anything. At least this time he was putting the food in his mouth and slowly chewing it. But Gwaine had to admit that he hadn't seen a lot of Merlin in fact. He had spent the first two days after Gaius' burial in a bed at the Infirmary, sleeping off a fever and after that Merlin had always seemed busy disappearing to help in the reconstruction of various parts of the Castle that had been damaged. Of course the Knight had tried to keep an eye on his friend but had quickly learned that if Merlin really didn't want to be found he wouldn't be, and the few times he had caught him Merlin had displayed all his skills at dodging questions and hiding his feelings. And Gwaine had discovered Merlin had far more hiding skills than what he could have imagined. Every time the Knight had managed to talk to Merlin the Warlock had put on his best grin and dismissed his concerns, claiming he was fine. Gwaine really started to hate that word in Merlin's mouth because, no matter what the young man said, it was painfully obvious that he wasn't as alright as what he wanted his friends to believe. It made the Knight sad that Merlin wasn't feeling he could trust him with his secrets and sufferings. But the other thing he had learned about Merlin was that he was more than stubborn when it came to protecting people and therefore if he doesn't want to tell you something then he won't. And in this case Gwaine knew he was trying to protect his friends from worrying about him.

What he failed to realize, however, was that, no matter what Merlin did or said, they would always worry about him. Even if, like Arthur, they didn't always show it. They all knew Merlin well enough to know that, now more than ever, he needed them, and that even if he wasn't accepting the idea himself out of a stupid sense of pride or a habit of hiding. In that way Merlin and the King were more alike than they knew, thought the Knight.

During the time Gwaine was lost in his thoughts, Merlin had finally finished eating his plate. He pushed himself up and cleaned the dishes before very reluctantly beginning to gather his things in a bag he found in one of Gwen's closets. Observing him, Gwaine knew that his friend was trying very hard to stop himself from running away just by the way he dragged his feet, and shifted his eyes towards the doors regularly with tense shoulders. The preparation of his bag didn't take Merlin that much time and Gwaine noticed that he had packed all he had there, which was very little. In fact it was just a few clothes and Gwaine understood that the Warlock probably hadn't returned to his rooms at all since Gaius' death. The Knight felt his heart clench and couldn't stop the sad sigh that escaped him.

When it became obvious that Merlin was just moving things for the sake of gaining time, Gwaine got up and walked towards his friend, leaning on the wall next to the cupboard Merlin had his head in.

"I think you're ready. Let's go saddle the horses and tell Arthur. Earlier we leave, earlier we arrive."

Gwaine saw a flash of panic in his friend's eyes before Merlin turned his back to him.

"Do we really have to?" He heard Merlin whisper and Gwaine found his resolve nearly crumbling at how broken he sounded.

"Yes. We do, Merlin... Come on."

Gwaine answered quietly but surely before leading the way to the door, holding it open for his friend. Merlin seemed to hesitate but finally his shoulders slumped and he took his bag and went out, refusing to look at Gwaine.

They made their way towards the stable in a sulky silence and, once there, each one took care of his own horse. A stable boy offered his help to saddle the King's horse but Merlin turned him down harshly. Gwaine gave the young man an apology for his friend's behavior and told him instead to inform the King that they would be ready soon. The lad nodded and quickly escaped the stables. Gwaine then turned towards Merlin, ready to scold him for his behavior, but stopped short when he saw the already regretful look on Merlin's face. He wanted to say something but Merlin turned back towards his horse, ignoring him, so Gwaine just finished tying his saddle before loading his bag on the horse's back. He was quickly finished and turned back towards his friend, finding him saddling the King's horse, a faraway look on his face, but his hands pretty steady, doing the work automatically. When he was finished he went back to his horse and began to pet it slowly, not really paying attention. The horse noticed its master's subdued attitude and whinnied lowly, pressing its nose against Merlin's shoulder. The Warlock huffed, but smiled slightly, coming back from his thoughts.

It was this moment Arthur that chose to come in. He greeted them, his eyes lingering on Merlin and quickly secured his heavy bag on his horse's back.

"Come on, let's go," he announced only a few minutes later and led his horse outside.

Gwaine made to follow but noticed Merlin didn't move.

"Merlin?" He asked and watched as Merlin's hand dropped from his horse's neck with a sigh of defeat.

"Yes, I'm coming," he answered and took the bridle, following his King.

Outside they were met by Sir Leon, Sir Elyan, Sir Percival and Gwen. Gwaine smiled at them but noticed the way Merlin shifted from foot to foot sheepishly, his eyes fixed on the ground. The Knights went to him, patted his shoulders and wished him goodbye before stepping back and doing the same with Gwaine, telling him in whispers to take care of their friend. The Knight nodded, smiling, waving off concern, and promised them to bring him back when he was better. They watched then as Gwen went towards Merlin and took him in a tight hug.

"I'm going to miss you Merlin," she told him, and her eyes shone with tears. "Be careful, okay?"

He tightened his hold on her, shutting his eyes briefly, then let go of her.

"Don't worry, Gwen. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"We'd better go," Arthur said, and Gwen went to him, kissed him quickly then stepped back, watching as Merlin, Gwaine and Arthur mounted on their saddles and rode away with a last wave.

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><p><strong><em>So? Did you like it? <em>**

**_I'm also looking for prompts for a future story, one shot anything. If you have anything :)_**


	21. Chapter 21

_**Hi my dear readers!**_

_**First of all I am really sorry for the delay of this chapter. I hope you will be able to forgive me.**_

_**Then I thank you all for your reviews. You are brillant! I always love them! You can't imagine how important they are for me!**_

_**I also want to thank my Beta who found the time to correct this chapter!**_

_**I hope you will enjoy the chapter, I had problems to write it. I hope it turned okay :)**_

_**Thank you for reading!**_

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><p>Chapter 21:<p>

That evening, they made camp in a clearing near a stream. They had ridden hard during the whole day, stopping only twice to water the horses. They could have continued for a little while longer but Arthur decided that this place was perfect for making camp and that they had made enough progress to stop early. He knew that if nothing happened they would be in Ealdor shortly after midday the next day. They tied their horses to a tree near the water and immediately Merlin went away to find firewood. Arthur looked at his retreating back before caching Gwaine's eye. They didn't need to say a word to know they were both thinking the same thing. They both missed Merlin's happy chatter and were worried about him.

The boy had been absolutely silent the whole day. They had unsuccessfully tried to make him talk and, after a while, they had just stopped and let silence surround them like a tangible barrier that even Gwaine's countless Tavern stories hadn't been able to break. Arthur hated it. For all he complained about Merlin's inane chatter during hunting trips, he missed it during travels. And he knew that a quiet Merlin was always a bad thing. And it wasn't a new thing of the trip. In fact, Merlin had been quiet and withdrawn for the past week, completing his tasks efficiently and never complaining. That fact alone served to prove to him that he was right to force him to get out of Camelot. He hoped that seeing his mother might help him. Arthur knew that his servant sometimes missed his mother deeply and he could perfectly understand the feeling. He would have loved being able to go see a family member after his father died. But besides Agravaine he had had no one. And now he saw how his Uncle had just used his grief against him.

He forced the thoughts of the traitor away and set to take his bags from his horse, petting its neck gratefully. The animal shook his head slightly then began to eat the grass at his feet. Arthur smiled softly before joining Gwaine in the middle of the clearing. The Knight was already sitting on a fallen log and had arranged a ring of stones for the fire. He sat at his turn and a few minutes later Merlin came back, arms full of wood and began organizing the sticks before setting them alight. It was painful to Arthur to see him working like that. Merlin seemed to be working automatically, something he was doing without even thinking about what he was doing. Arthur wondered since when he had become so used to Merlin complaining about doing his job that it bothered him when he wasn't. He hadn't the time to think about it before the servant was away again and Gwaine sighed next to him.

"I hate seeing him like this," the Knight voiced, echoing Arthur's thoughts.

"Yeah… Me too. But there's nothing we can do for the moment, except hope it will help him to see his mother," Arthur answered in a low voice.

Gwaine hummed noncommittally, lost in his thoughts.

"I suppose it's healthier than wandering the Taverns," he muttered after a few seconds.

"Excuse me?" Arthur exclaimed.

"Oh… Hum… That's what I did… When my mother died… I just began to wander the world." Gwaine explained, clearly looking uncomfortable at the evocation of his past and Arthur assumed this was because he had never heard the man talk about his family before.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry," Arthur said.

"It's been a long time. No need to be anymore," Gwaine answered before getting up, preventing Arthur from asking any other questions.

Merlin came back at this moment with a new armload of wood which he set in a pile next to the fire before setting off to collect their food supplies and prepare their dinner. Gwaine tried to tell him that he could do it but Merlin just sent him a black look and said curtly,

"That's my job Gwaine. I can perfectly do it. Thank you."

That made Gwaine shut up effectively and the Knight just sat back on the log with a rebellious look on his face. At any other time, Arthur would have laughed at his expression and thanked his servant for finding a way to render the drunkard silent, but this night he just sighed and kept his own mouth shut. He also would have loved to stop Merlin from doing his job but this seemed to be important for Merlin and he knew that his servant was stubborn when he wanted to be.

Another few minutes later and their dinner was ready. Gwaine and Arthur found themselves with big plates full of dried meat and fruits and Merlin with a far smaller portion of it. They ate in awkward silence and Arthur noticed that Merlin was actually more playing with his food than eating it. He also noticed the warning glances Gwaine sent him that seemed to say: _eat, or I will make you_. And Arthur agreed with him, ready to help the Knight force-feed his manservant if the need arose.

When they finished their dinner, Arthur didn't give Merlin the time to do anything and got up, taking their dirty plates to clean them in the stream. He saw Gwaine's proud and thankful glance and nodded to him. He went far away enough to give Merlin and Gwaine a semblance of intimacy, hoping the Knight would be able to make Merlin open up. He wasn't stupid. He had seen the way the two interacted and knew they were friends and that they shared many things. He was even pretty certain Gwaine knew more about Merlin than him, despite having known him for less time. He wondered what the Knight would have said about Morgana's accusations about Merlin.

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><p>Once finished, Arthur returned to the fire finding Merlin already lying on his bed roll, back facing them, pretending to be asleep as an excuse to ignore them and Gwaine poking the fire with a stick.<p>

"I'll take the first watch," he announced once everything was cleared away and Gwaine nodded before setting himself down on his own bedroll with a good night.

It didn't take long for the Knight's snores to disturb the silence, and Arthur allowed a small smile to cross his face. He sat himself more comfortably on the log and stroked the fire to keep his hands busy. His mind took him back to his conversation with Morgana. He had been too busy the past week to really think about what she had said to him but now, in the calm of the forest, he finally had the time to consider her words. He tried to imagine what it would mean if Merlin really had magic. Would it mean that their friendship was a lie? Like his bond with Agravaine? He couldn't bring himself to think that. He couldn't believe that Merlin could be such a good actor. Admittedly there had been countless of times when he had the feeling that Merlin had been hiding something, where his explanations had been a bit too rushed and shaky, but he had always dismissed his doubts. After all, if Merlin truly was an evil Sorcerer why was he still alive when Merlin could have killed him by every means possible during the five past years?

The more he thought about it, the more he felt confused. During the past week he had tried to observe Merlin the few times they had been in the same room and he honestly couldn't see Merlin with magic. If he had such power, he clearly would have done something to save Gaius. That was what Arthur would have done, had he been a Sorcerer. Yes, the whole Merlin was a Sorcerer suffestion seemed unbelievable. But still the fact was that he couldn't stop the nagging doubt in his mind. And that was beginning to make him restless. Yet he couldn't find the courage to just ask Merlin if he was a Sorcerer. He couldn't make his friend think he doubted him when he was in such dire need of friends he could trust. Merlin certainly didn't need an accusation that could put him on a pyre right now. That was why Arthur decided to wait a bit more and let things settle.

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><p><em><strong>So? How was it this time? Good or not? Share your thoughts :D.<strong>_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Hi my dear readers!**_

_**I can't say how much sorry I am! Please, don't be mad at me! I have a good reason! I had to make be corrections in this chapter and then life got in the way and I had a social life (for once!)!**_

_**Anyway, a big big thank you to my dear Beta May Glenn! Without her this story really wouldn't be this good. It's impressive how much work she's putting in my modest fic!**_

_**As I have made huge changes in this chapter I really hope you will leave a review to tell me your thoughts about it. It really helps :D**_

_**Thank you all for your support & enjoy the reading!**_

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><p>Chapter 22:<p>

Merlin watched as Arthur got up and took the dishes away to wash them. He opened his mouth to protest but he was too surprised to say anything and just watched the King move towards the small stream. His mind rebelled at letting the King do his job and he couldn't stop the shake of his head.

"He shouldn't be here." He muttered to himself but Gwaine heard him.

"And why?" The Knight asked with curiosity.

"He is the King of Camelot, Gwaine. He shouldn't be on a stupid trip for his manservant. He should be at the Castle, with his newly-Crowned Queen and taking care of his people." Merlin explained, unexpected anger coloring his voice.

"And I think he is exactly where he should be. I think that right now he is more a friend than a King."

The words hit Merlin like a blow. He hadn't seen it this way. Was _that_ what Arthur was doing? Being a friend to him? It didn't seem comprehensible to the Warlock. Why now that Merlin found himself so unworthy of his friendship?

"If he knew what I was and what I have done he wouldn't be here." Merlin said, his voice sad.

Gwaine looked taken aback by the sudden change of mood of his friend and observed him with a frown.

"You don't really think that, do you?" He asked slowly.

"Yes I do. I am a Warlock, Gwaine, and I have killed a lot of people since I came to Camelot. That makes me just another evil magic user. How do you think Arthur will react when he learns that I have killed nearly all his family?"

"Merlin!" Gwaine cut in forcefully, looking like he was about to get up and shake the Warlock. "Arthur's family is more evil than you could ever be. They don't deserve your guilt. And if killing people who deserve it makes you evi,l then Arthur, me and all the Knights are, too! You did what you had to do and if Arthur can't see that then he is more of an idiot than I thought he was."

"It is not the same thing Gwaine.. You saw me trying to kill Morgana. This wasn't something a Knight would do. I have so much power Gwaine! You can't even begin to imagine it! What if it was the magic corrupting me just as it had her?

Gwaine opened his mouth to answer, looking disbelieving but Merlin didn't give him a chance to say anything and got up, moving away to lie on his bedroll, facing away from the Knight.

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><p>After that, Merlin had just laid for a long time listening to Gwaine falling asleep and snoring, watching the patterns of the fire on the trees in front of him. It was kind of hypnotic but he couldn't find sleep. Gwaine's words kept playing themselves in his head. Arthur was there as his friend. But it wasn't true. Arthur didn't really know him or else he wouldn't be there. He knew nothing of the true Merlin and his dark side. Nothing of the power coursing through his veins. Nothing of the people he had killed, intentionally or not. Or those he had nearly killed. Nothing of all his mistakes. Because if the King knew he would never think of Merlin as a friend but as a traitor, no better than Agravaine or Morgana and he would kill him on the spot.<p>

As the night continued on, he felt more and more anxious about the next day too and the pain in his chest seemed to swell, making it nearly impossible for Merlin to relax and sleep. He had thought that at least the pain of loss would get better with time, but it was one week and that hurt hadn't lessened. He just had buried it in his mind by keeping himself busy. But now, with only Gwaine and Arthur around he didn't have anything to do and grief was beginning to claim him once more, threatening to suffocate him. He forced himself to keep his breaths deep, steady and regular, trying to convince Arthur that he was sleeping.

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><p>When Merlin woke it was to the light blue sky of dawn. He pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes. He hadn't slept very much, having only fallen asleep long after Arthur had waken Gwaine, and even that little sleep had been full of nightmares that had made cold sweat appear on his neck. He rubbed at it forcefully and let his eyes sweep across their camp. He spotted Arthur soundly asleep on his bedroll and Gwaine, precariously sat on a log, with his back turned to him.<p>

Merlin snorted softly but was glad of the moment alone with his thoughts. He pushed himself up and went silently to the stream. With his hands, he splashed cold water on his face, enjoying the way it immediately woke him further. Once he was satisfied, he went back to the camp and lied down on his back watching the sky above him. During his childhood he always had loved watching the sky change colors during dawn. From the deep blue of the night to lighter blue then streaks of yellow, orange and red as the sunrays touched the white clouds of the sky. He remembered that, as a child, he imagined that it was his father making a spectacle for him to admire to make him want to get up in the morning and to remind him that he was there. It had been just his imagination of course but at the time it had made him feel better, more normal in a way. His mother often laughed at him and his imagination and sometimes lied down with him for a few minutes, maybe letting herself believe the same thing.

He shook himself from his thoughts when he heard a groan on his right and recognized it as Gwaine's. He pushed himself up and caught the Knight while he put a hand at his ribs. The Physician's instincts in him perked up and without realizing it he was already near Gwaine.

"Your ribs are still bothering you?" He asked, getting up and trying to prod at his friend.

"No. Not at all," Gwaine answered provocatively, slapping Merlin's hands away and the Warlock knew his friend was just trying to show him how annoying his current attitude was. "And you, how are you?"

"Fine." Merlin answered, knowing that his friend didn't believe him just as he didn't believe the Knight.

They eyed each other for a few more seconds before Merlin nodded and got up, deciding that it was time to make breakfast.

It wasn't that he wanted to continue their journey any sooner or that he was angry, it was just that he needed something to do other than to just sit with an awkwardly not-talking Gwaine that kept sending him glances that seemed to say _I know you're not alright and I begin to tire of you not telling me_, waiting for Arthur to wake up. The smell of food seemed enough to wake the King, and as soon as Merlin had finished preparing their plates, he pushed himself up.

Like the evening before they ate in silence and before long they were ready to go away once more. As he mounted his horse, Merlin felt his stomach tie itself into tight knots and in a rush of panic he suddenly considered turning his horse the other way to make a run for freedom. Of course, he dismissed the thought as soon as it crossed his mind, knowing full well that he wasn't a good enough rider to outrun two Knights of Camelot, and resigned himself to follow them.

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><p>After more than four hours, Merlin began to recognize the forest around him and knew they were really near Ealdor. He tensed up and his horse gave a snort, sensing his discomfort. He tried to take deep breaths but it didn't help him ease the tight grip he held on the reins. He noticed the concerned glances Gwaine shot him but ignored the Knight and fixed his gaze before him, at Arthur's back.<p>

As he predicted, it was only a few minutes later that the trees disappeared and they could see the houses of Merlin's native town. Merlin automatically cast his eyes downwards, letting his horse follow Arthur's, and worked very hard to keep his breathing steady. They entered the small village and, from out of the corner of his eye, Merlin noticed people watching them closely with a combination of curiosity, concern and even joy. He heard whispers around them and some people even came to greet the King, expressing their relief to see them well. He vaguely heard Arthur answer but then his attention was caught by someone calling his name. He would recognize her voice anywhere. His eyes were automatically drawn to her and he was surprised to feel the sheer relief and joy that filled him at the knowledge that his mother was alright. He didn't even notice what he was doing when he jumped down from his horse and went running towards his mother, not caring for a second about anything else. He didn't even notice how she had stopped at the sight of him, looking beyond worried, but instead he just threw himself in his mother's waiting arms, holding her tightly and burying his head on his shoulder. It felt so familiar and good that he began to cry before he could stop himself. He felt her arms tighten around him and heard her ask him what happened but he couldn't answer. It suddenly seemed as though all his pain was trying to get out of him and he could do nothing but cry on her shoulder.

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><p><strong>So? What do you think? Is it any good? Where you expecting that or something else? <strong>

**And I also wanted to promote a story wich I've read recently and thought it would interest you in case you haven't seen it. It deals of themes similar to this story but not quite. It is even darker in my opinion so if you're interested it's called : "After Ealdor" by finn1013.**

**And I promise next chapter will be up sooner this time :D**


	23. Chapter 23

**_Hi dear readers!_**

**_Here I am with my chapter 23 (and only 2 days late). I hope you will like it. It made me sad to write it just to warn you._**

**_On another note, can you see that number of reviews? Nearly 200! I can't possibly believe it! You all guys are absolutly wonderful! Thank you so much! It is so important to know what you think of the story._**

**_Anyway, I'll let you read. _**

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><p>Chapter 23:<p>

Hunith had been cleaning her house when she heard the first excited whispers and the distinctive sound of horse hooves. She set her broom aside and went outside. At first she saw no one but, following her neighbours gazes, she finally spotted three men on horses entering her small town. Two of them were dressed in armor with the distinctive red capes of Camelot and the third was dressed in a light brown coat. She would know them everywhere and felt relief spread through her at the knowledge that both her son and King Arthur had managed to escape their pursuers alive.

Her relief was short lived, however, when she noticed her son's posture. He was hunched in his saddle, looking at the ground, a frown on his face. Even from this far away she immediately noticed that he had lost a lot of weight by the way his cheekbones seemed even more prominent and his clothes seemed far too large for him. She also noticed the dark bags under his eyes that told her that her son hadn't been sleeping well. Worry immediately made its way into her chest.

"Merlin." She called, her voice a mixture of the relief and concern she felt.

He looked up at her and when their eyes met she froze. She had never seen him with such a pained look on his face. She knew that something horrible had happened and felt her stomach clench and her mouth go dry with apprehension. She watched as her son dismounted and stumbled towards her. She opened her arms and, as soon as he was pressed against her, she felt him shake with sobs. She could feel his every bone now and her worry spiked.

"Merlin." She whispered to him, threading a hand through his black hair and rubbing his back. "Merlin, what happened?"

Merlin didn't reply to her question but held her tighter and sobbed even more. The sounds of his pain broke her heart and she tightened her hold too, closing her eyes, and tried to sooth him by whispering a constant flow of comforting words.

She had forgotten about the people around them until he heard the King's voice asking them to return to their occupations. She looked up to see him standing awkwardly in the middle of the little place. She sent him a questioning glance and he just shook his head, motioning to her house and she understood that he didn't want to talk about it here. She nodded before turning her attention back to her son. She slowly pulled back from him, caressing his head to try to get his attention.

"Come on, Merlin." She told him softly. "Let's get inside, okay?"

She felt him nodding and led him towards their home. Arthur was already waiting before the door with the other Knight that had accompanied them. She passed them and, when they seemed hesitant to follow, invited them in, telling them to make themselves at home. They both nodded and gathered their packs before coming in, closing the door after them. After that she ignored them and led Merlin to her bed where she made him sit. She tried to pull herself free from his grasp but he refused to let go so she sat herself next to him and put her arms around him once more, hating the way he was trembling and breathing harshly. She kept slowly caressing his back like she had done so many times when he was a child and looked up towards King Arthur. He was fidgeting near the table, watching Merlin with sad eyes.

"Arthur, what happened?" She asked him as it was clear that she wouldn't be able to make Merlin talk at the moment.

She felt him tense beneath her and knew she probably wouldn't like the answer. She watched as Arthur hesitated, searching for the right way to say what he had to. Finally, he sighed and opened his mouth.

"I'm sorry but… Gaius… He passed away… Shortly before we managed to reclaim the Castle from Morgana… I'm sorry I hadn't come back to Camelot sooner.."

Hunith gasped and felt tears well up in her eyes for her friend. Now she understood Merlin's pain better. She knew how Gaius and he had become like father and son and she couldn't imagine how he must feel. She squeezed Merlin tightly. It took her a moment but she noticed that Merlin was mumbling into her neck.

"What is it, Merlin?" She asked him.

"It's my fault mother. I'm sorry, so sorry. I should have saved him." He whispered to her in a broken voice.

"Shhhh, Merlin, it's not your fault. Don't be silly." She said in her best authoritative voice.

She felt him shake his head and he didn't stop apologizing in her neck.

For a long time after that none of them moved as Hunith tried to calm Merlin under the gaze of the two Knights. It felt like an eternity to her before her son's tears finally subsided, leaving him a shuddering mess in her arms. He didn't let go however and she didn't try to make him move. She just continued to slowly rub his back like she did whenever he was upset as a child, hoping the familiarity of the gesture would calm him. He had finally stopped apologizing but she knew that it didn't mean that he had understood that he wasn't responsible for his mentor's death. She may not know what exactly happened but she knew her son and knew that he would feel guilt that wasn't his to bear. That was the way he was.

It was only when she felt Merlin's breathing slowing and deepening that she tried to move him, slowly peeling his slack arms off her neck.

"My dear son." She whispered at his sleeping face before laying him on her bed and covering him with her blanket, taking time to brush his fringe once more.

From this close, she saw better the dark rings under his eyes and how pale he really was, his skin nearly white and all the motherly instincts in her screamed that it was wrong and that her son should never look like that. Never before had she seen him look so small, lost and afraid, not even back before he met Will and hadn't any friends because the other children thought him weird. When she was sure he was really asleep, she got up and made her way to the table. Arthur and the other Knight who she still didn't know the name of had somehow made tea and prepared a small lunch. She smiled her thanks and poured herself a cup, not trusting her stomach with food quite now.

"I don't think we've been introduced." She said in a low voice to the unknown Knight once she had drunk a good mouthful of the hot tea.

"Oh yes sorry! Sire Gwaine, to your service, miss." Gwaine answered with a slight smile, a bow of his head and a kiss on her hand.

"Oh yes, of course, Merlin told me about you in his letters…"

Her gaze fell once more on her sleeping son and she sighed.

"Thank you for bringing him here." She said to the two men.

"We thought it was the best, especially when we learned you had not been told of Gaius' death…" Arthur explained, also watching his friend.

"What exactly happened?" Hunith asked, determined to understand what could led Merlin to think it was his fault.

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><p><strong><em>So, what do you think? I can't wait to know! <em>**


	24. Chapter 24

_**Hi my dear readers!**_

_**To begin I really, really want to apologize for the delay. I promise I'm not doing this on purpouse. Please don't be mad at me.**_

_**Now, I also want to say that this chapter and the followings are probably the ones I'm the most worried about. Because this is it you know (Obviously I won't tell you what's happening). So I really need your feedbacks on this.**_

_**And I want to thank you all, readers, reviewers, alerters, you are my sunshine and you save my life. Each of you. There is no words great enough to tell you how much that means to me. Really. **_

_**And thank you for the 200+ reviews. I don't deserve them.**_

_**Onwards!**_

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><p>Chapter 24:<p>

Arthur let Gwaine answer Hunith's question. In fact, he hadn't heard the complete story himself. It hadn't seemed important at the time and, while listening to the Knight's story, he kept his eyes towards Merlin's sleeping form. It had been a surprise to see that his friend's pain still seemed as raw as it had been on the first day of Gaius' passing. That proved to Arthur once more how good his manservant was at hiding his emotions. But that wasn't what worried him the most. He was far more concerned by the fact that Merlin fiercely believed that he was somehow responsible for Gaius' death. Hearing him apologize to his mother when he had done nothing wrong had been more than heartbreaking. It had filled him with a cold feeling. Out of all, Merlin was certainly the one who had the less to apologize for. In fact, Arthur felt as if Merlin should blame him, his King, because if he hadn't spent so much time wallowing in self-pity they could have freed Camelot a long time much sooner, thus preventing the Physician's death.

This revelation hit Arthur like a blow. Suddenly he understood that he was to blame, not just for Gaius' death, but for many others innocent's deaths. That was his responsibility as a King, as a Knight, and as a man. All he had had to do is protect his people and he had failed them, letting Morgana and his treacherous Uncle win.

With those thoughts in mind, the air suddenly felt too heavy in Hunith's house and Arthur excused himself before quickly exiting the room. Once outside, the fresh air felt like heaven and he took his time to take big mouthfuls of it to calm himself.

He waited for a few minutes to make sure he was perfectly calm and composed again before making his way back towards Hunith's house. He stopped short, however, when he heard Gwaine's anxious-sounding whispered voice.

"You're right Hunith… I didn't tell you everything… When I found him, he was with Gaius' body and… I'm not entirely sure but… I think he tried to heal him with… You know…"

There was a sharp intake of breath and Arthur felt his heart beating frantically against his ribcage, a whole string of denial making its way into his head again.

"You… You know about his…" Arthur heard the panic in Merlin's mother's voice.

"Yes. But don't worry. Merlin is my friend and nothing will ever change that." Gwaine swore with an unusually serious voice and Arthur took a step back from the door.

His previous doubts rose again, fuelled by the mysterious declarations of both Gwaine and Hunith. They had said nothing concrete. Had he not been told by Morgana that Merlin had magic he probably wouldn't even have noticed the discussion, but he had, and now it seemed all the more true.

He forced himself to think rationally. They had not talked of magic and maybe he was just overreacting. He was tired and weary and confused. He took a deep breath to steel himself and made his way back in Hunith's house. She and Gwaine were still sat at the table and were silently drinking their tea.

"Are you alright, Sire?" Hunith asked in a motherly tone. "You seem a bit shaken."

"No, it's okay, I'm fine." He answered, sitting and serving himself the rest of the tea.

An awkward silence fell on the room as Arthur couldn't keep himself from watching Merlin, trying to paint him as an evil Sorcerer. After a while, Hunith got up, going to the fire, and put two more logs in it. She seemed lost in her thoughts and Arthur understood that she was probably more upset about the news of Gaius' death and its effect on Merlin than she was letting on. If anything she was a strong woman, and Merlin's mother, which meant she had probably the same habit that her son had when it came to letting people know her emotions. It was visible, however, in the way her hands shook slightly as she cleaned their dishes. Before Arthur had even the time to say anything, Gwaine was up and near her.

"Why don't you let me do this while you sit down next to Merlin for a while?" He asked in a gentle voice Arthur wouldn't have thought he had.

"Yes, Hunith, that's a good idea." He added when she seemed reluctant to rest. "Gwaine and I can take care of things for a little while."

"But…" She protested as Gwaine led her towards her bed. "I have to go for firewood too and…"

"It's okay, we'll get it. Now just sit and rest okay?"

Arthur nodded, confirming that he was willing to help, too, and Hunith finally sat near her son, automatically taking his hand in hers.

"Thank you." She told them gladly and they smiled at her before beginning to work.

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><p>It was sunset when Gwaine and he finally finished collecting enough firewood for Hunith to last a couple of months at least. They knew she hadn't asked for that much but they had both agreed on the fact that it was the least they could do to thank her for helping them. Hunith had thanked them profusely and made them sit at the table while she prepared dinner, refusing their help. Arthur had to admit it was nice to be able to sit down and rest his sore muscles and by the look on Gwaine's face he was glad too. Arthur thought that maybe he shouldn't have asked for the Knight's help with his still recovering fractured ribs but also knew the other man was not one of inaction.<p>

They thanked Hunith when she gave them two bowls of steaming soup and immediately began to eat. To Arthur's relief it tasted far better than what he remembered from his first visit and he quickly finished it. Hunith refilled his bowl and Gwaine's and finished her first one. They didn't talk much, but it wasn't a tense silence, mostly a tired one. It didn't take long for them to declare it was time to settle for the night and get some sleep. Gwaine and Arthur set up their bedrolls in a corner of the room while Hunith lied down near her bed and, before long, Gwaine's snores filled the room.

Arthur sighed softly, envious of the Knight's easy sleep. He wished it could be the same for him, but his mind didn't seemed to want to calm down enough for sleep to come. He kept thinking over again and again the same things: namely Merlin and magic, trying to associate the two, trying to understand how it could be possible to associate the two without him noticing earlier.

For a long time, everything was silent, everyone sleeping except for the King but then, just when Arthur felt he would finally fell asleep, a sharp intake of breath broke the silence of the room. He tensed, opening his eyes but before he could move he saw the shadow of Hunith sitting up too and pulling herself on her bed next to the now awake Merlin who sat upright. He closed his eyes again and kept his breathing even to make them think he was asleep.

"Merlin." He heard Merlin's mother whisper. "How are you feeling?"

"Not very good." Merlin's rough low voice answered.

"Drink this."

For a moment, there wasn't any other sound that the breathing of four people but then Hunith talked again.

"Gwaine told me what happened with Gaius." She said anxiously and even without his eyes Arthur could feel Merlin tense. "You tried to save him, didn't you?"

"Yes," came Merlin's quiet reply. "But I was too late Mother…"

"It is not your fault Merlin…"

"Yes it is! You don't understand Mother… I… I had been in the Citadel the night before the actual attack and yet I hadn't even thought of going to the dungeons to see how my friends were doing!" Merlin explained in a heated voice and Arthur couldn't begin to understand the surprise he felt at the knowing that Merlin had managed to get in the Castle undetected and coming back alive without him noticing.

"You couldn't know, Merlin." Hunith answered, sounding surprised herself.

"I should have guessed." He said bluntly. "But I was so focused on…"

"On what?" Hunith asked and Arthur silently thanked her for asking the question that burned his lips.

A long silence followed during which Arthur could hear that Merlin was playing with the blanket that covered him in his anxiety.

"I… I enchanted… I enchanted Morgana… To block her powers…" He finally answered, voice quivering and shameful.

"You what?" His mother asked while Arthur had to force himself not to burst, clenching his hands into tight knots.

"I had to do it, Mother, or Arthur wouldn't have had any chance against her. I didn't want to but it was the only way! I… I…"

"Shh… It's okay Merlin, I understand, it's okay."

"No. It's not Mother!" Merlin replied and his voice sounded nothing short of hysteric and Arthur vaguely wondered how it was possible for Gwaine to continue sleeping.

"Calm down, Merlin."

"You don't know what I've done Mother." Merlin said after a beat, his voice sounding muffled as he was engulfed in his mother's arms once more.

"Then, tell me." She said quietly and calmly.

"You'll hate me."

"You know that's not true Merlin. Look at me. I'm you Mother. Nothing you could do would make me hate you. Nothing, you understand?"

"I was so angry." Merlin began after a little time, his voice shaking. "So angry… I had to do something… Because I hadn't been able to save him… I don't know what came over me… I just… I didn't think… I called Kilgarrah and asked him to find Morgana and bring her to me… I knew it was wrong but I didn't care… I was feeling so guilty and I guess… I guess it helped to find someone to put part of the guilt on… He refused… Of course he did but Aithusa accepted and… After a few hours, Morgana appeared in front of me and… I don't what came in front of me but… But… I… I tried to kill her, Mother… If Gwaine hadn't stopped me… I would have killed her… With my magic! I had sworn to myself that I would never use it like that and yet, that's what I did… Arthur was right all along Mother… Magic is evil… And I am nothing more than a monster."

"Merlin!" Hunith cried out in shock, barely keeping a voice low. "Don't ever say that, you hear me? Never! You are not evil! You are not a monster! You were grieving! Anyone would have done the same, you hear me?"

"Not everyone has that power." Merlin said, voice tight, and Arthur found himself agreeing in the middle of his baffled state. "And besides, I wasn't grieving when I killed Agravaine." He added after a beat in a cold voice that made Arthur's insides freeze. "I knew exactly what I was doing."

"Merlin." Hunith tried to interrupt..

"No, Mother. You know what he told me before dying? That we were alike him and me. And I believe him. I've been deceiving Arthur since the day I set foot in Camelot and I will probably never be able to tell him the truth because all magic has ever brought him was death. And I am responsible for a huge part of it."

"My son." Hunith said and Arthur heard Merlin cry more. "Listen to me. Whatever Agravaine told you was wrong. You know why? Because he didn't know you. If you were truly evil you wouldn't feel that guilty. You wouldn't care about anything. And if I am sure about one thing it is that you care about the people you love. And I'm sure that Agravaine deserved to die. It was him, or you and Arthur wasn't it?" Arthur didn't hear a reply but imagined that Merlin just nodded. "See? You've made the right choice, Merlin. Don't be so hard on yourself. And whatever you do you know that I will always love you."

Arthur didn't know what to think anymore. Shock was freezing his mind. No doubt was possible anymore. Merlin had admitted it himself. He had magic. Apparently for a long time. And he had used it to try to kill Morgana. She had told the truth on that. And he had killed Agravaine. But felt guilty about it. Arthur knew he should get up from his bedroll and kill his manservant, but yet, the absolute guilt, fear and self-doubt in Merlin's voice made it hard for Arthur to hate him. Hunith was right on this point: if Merlin was truly evil then he would be feeling that way. He wouldn't consider himself as a monster. But yet, every Sorcerer Arthur had ever met was evil and, by the look of it, Merlin himself had done things that weren't always noble. That knowledge clashed with the image he had of his kind-hearted manservant and it felt to Arthur that his whole world had been turned upside down.

For one moment Arthur tried to put himself in Merlin's shoes, tried to understand how he would feel at his manservant's place, tried to understand how much the boy had sacrificed for him and failed. It seemed now that Merlin wasn't much of an open book after all.

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><p><em><strong>So, what do you think of my take at a reveal? I tried to make it a bit original... Did it work? What do you think will happen next? <strong>_

_**Thanks.**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Hi my dear readers! Miracles happens!**_

_**First of all I want to say that I am really, really, really sorry for the delay for that chapter. I feel so awful about it and I would understand if you hated me.**_

_**Two causes however : My dear Beta had some technical problems so corrections took very long.**_

_**And then I had to change things but suffered from some weird kind of writer's freakout during which I was sure my story was enterily useless and bad and I could find a way to make my corrections.**_

_**All that to say that the chapter was honestly one of the hardest I ever wrote (well I'm saying that now but the rest really doesn't look any more easy). I, however, hope you will like it & would love all the more all the review you would give me.**_

_**Sorry again.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p>Chapter 25:<p>

Merlin woke with a gasp, his heart pounding loudly in his chest from the nightmare he just had. It had been oddly similar to the one he had the night before they left Camelot except for the fact that this time it was Gaius who took the fatal blow from Morgana that made his dream-self lose control of his usually tightly controlled magic. The result had been the same however. Arthur killing him, making him wake up. He was brought back to reality by his mother's arms on his and he noticed she had pulled herself on the bed he was sleeping on. She asked him how he was feeling. For a moment, he thought about lying to her, telling her he was alright but he knew she would see right through him so he just admitted he wasn't feeling well. She gave him a cup of water and, before long, he found himself telling his mother in a shameful voice everything that had happened since they left Ealdor nearly three weeks before. All along he prayed that, somehow, his mother would forgive him where he hadn't. He told her about Gaius' death and how he could have prevented it if he had just paid a little more attention. How he had just lost control and abused his powers of Dragonlord to bring Morgana back in order to kill her. How he felt like a monster because of it. And how he had killed Agravaine and how deeply his words had struck him. He knew she would at least understand that but he was scared that she would hate him. She had always bought him up telling him that he should never use his gift to make people suffer and yet that was exactly what he did. His mother tried to tell him that none of it was his fault and that he had only done what was right but in his heart he hadn't truly believed her. He felt, however, as if a weight had been taken from his shoulders. He was glad to have told his mother everything and immensely relieved when she had taken him in her arms, telling him that she would always love him, no matter what he did and he hadn't been able to stop the fresh tear that had sprung from his eyes. She pressed him against her chest the same way she did when he was a child and told him that everything would be alright. He wished he was able to believe it. Wanted it so badly. Yet, somehow, he knew that he was at a turning point and that his live would never be the same again.

Even when his cries finally subsided again he stayed huddled against his mother's warmth, basking in the sense of familiarity and comfort she brought with her. It wasn't enough, however, to bring back sleep but it was enough to calm him, if only for a little while. And he knew that it also comforted his mother to have him near her and, before long, he felt her fall asleep again while he stayed awake.

It was a long time after that that he finally grew restless again and decided to get up. He silently slipped from his mother's limp grasp and got up, carefully making his way across the well-known little house towards the front door. It creaked pretty loudly in the quiet night and Merlin froze, turning around to check if he had woken anyone. To his relief, the three other people in the room all seemed peacefully asleep and he breathed a quiet sigh before walking through the door, closing it behind him.

Outside he was met by the chill of the night, making him shiver. He ignored it and began to walk towards the forest surrounding Ealdor. He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going and soon he found himself surprised when he noticed where he was. His feet had guided him towards a little clearing in the forest where Will and he often came when they wanted to be alone. Usually to talk about his magic. Merlin smiled at the memories that sprang in his mind. It brought back the longing of having a simple life where all that matter was having a roof over your head and food on your table. Will's name had been the first name on the ever-growing list of people who had died because of him and his stupid destiny. He shook his head and sat himself on the ground, willing the good memories to outweight the guilt and sadness in his mind.

He could remember vividly the day Will had found out about his magic. They were both very young at the time but Merlin had already been used to going to this little corner of forest to let go of his magic. Of course, he hadn't known any spells but he felt the magic around him and liked to play with it like other children played with toys. That day he had been entertaining himself with trying to make shapes with the smoke of a small fire when Will had barged in, running away from other children whose cries could be heard. They had both frozen, Merlin staring fearfully at Will and Will staring amazed at the smoke shaped rabbit that was hovering above the ground. A cry louder than the other made them jump and the rabbit disappeared just when three kids entered the clearing. Heated words were exchanged but Merlin couldn't remember them, he just remembered feeling terrified that Will would spread his secret and that he then would be forced to leave. He barely noticed the three kids leaving again but then Will had shaken him, an excited expression on his face.

"You have magic!" He had exclaimed. "What else can you do? Can you make food appear out of thin air? Or fly like a bird? Oh that would be so wonderful!"

Merlin had stared open mouthed at the boy in front of him, the rant barely registering in his brain.

"You… You don't think I'm a freak?" He had asked, voice unsure and quivering.

"What? No! Of course not! I think it's brilliant! You have to show me more of it."

And just like that, with Will understanding they had became friends. They spent all their free time together, to the dismay of the other kids. They hadn't understood what those two where sharing and were probably jealous of it but Merlin and Will hadn't cared.

Merlin smiled as he remembered how Will had forced him to experiment with his powers more and more, creating fires, making plants and flowers blossom, or make wind take up out of nowhere. One day they even made one tree fall.

Once more, Merlin was so caught up in his mind that he had failed to notice the sunrise and the fact that he wasn't alone anymore. That was why he jumped when Arthur sat in front of him. He wore an unreadable expression on his face that made Merlin anxious. He didn't know what to say so he stayed silent while Arthur stared at him, looking like he was trying to see through him. It made Merlin squirm and drop his gaze to the grass.

"How did you know where to find me?" He asked when he couldn't take the silence any more.

"Your mother told me you would be here. She told me you spent your time here with Will when you were young," Arthur explained in a distracted voice. "I supposed _he_ wasn't really the Sorcerer who created that storm after all, was he Merlin?" He added after a moment.

Merlin couldn't hide his flinch at Arthur's words nor the way his breathing hitched suddenly.

"Of… Of course it was him, Arthur." He lied half-heartedly, willing his heart to stop pounding so loudly in his ears.

Arthur snorted at his answer. And Merlin dared to look up to find the King looking at him with the same unreadable expression.

"You know, Merlin," He said, his voice oddly calm. "I never told you what I did with Morgana."

Merlin felt his heart freeze a second before getting back it's dizzying pace.

"No." He said, his voice shaky.

"Well, I went to see her in the Dungeon and she told me a very interesting story. Do you want to hear it?"

Merlin hated where this conversation was leading and had to put his arms around himself to hide his shaking hands.

"Yes."

"She told me you tried to kill her… With magic." Arthur told him, looking Merlin straight in the eyes, seeing how his pupils dilated from fear.

"Re-really?" Merlin managed to stammer through the panic threatening to engulf him.

"Yes. I didn't want to believe her but she made me think about it. It seems ridiculous. You, having magic. But yet, it made a kind of sense in a way. So I'm going to ask you this question now, Merlin. And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't lie to me. But before that I want to say that I'm not asking this question as King of Camelot, but as a friend."

Arthur made a pause, making sure that Merlin had understood what he was saying before uttering the words that Merlin feared the most.

"Do you have magic, Merlin?"

Merlin could have lied, so easily, like he had done for the past five years, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to it. Arthur had never asked him that question so directly. It almost looked like he already knew the answer. And in one way Merlin was sure it was the case. After all, Morgana had told him and implanted that tiny little spark of doubt. The silence stretched as Merlin kept his gaze to the ground once more, thinking about his answer. Arthur showed no signs of breaking it, patiently waiting for Merlin to answer. Finally, Merlin came to a decision and looked up at his King, his Destiny, and looked him in the eye.

"Yes Arthur. Yes. I have magic. I had it since my birth," he announced, his voice sounding confident even if he felt the opposite.

A new wave of panic, far more powerful that he had ever felt, surged in him as he watched Arthur nodding, a thoughtful expression on his face. Merlin caught a hint of anger in the King's eyes before he dropped his eyes again, unable to face the betrayal and disgust make his way on his friend's face. His lungs seemed to close themselves, forcing him to breathe in harsh gasps as he suddenly realized what he had said and to whom. His thoughts were in a haze of panic and he almost didn't register when Arthur took him by the arms, shaking him forcefully.

"Merlin…" He heard Arthur said as the King tried to catch his attention through the buzzing of his ears.

Merlin didn't listen to him, however, feeling the need to explain himself, fearing that if he didn't now he never would be able to.

"I… I'm sorry Arthur! I… I meant to tell you! I swear! I swear I never tried to harm you and Camelot! I…" He began to ramble even if he hadn't the breath to spare to do that.

"Merlin! Stop it! I know!" Arthur said forcefully but Merlin didn't heard him in the middle of his panicked state and just continue to speak in a jumbled mess, trying to get his point to Arthur. "Calm down Merlin! You're going to faint like a girl if you don't calm down!"

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><p><em><strong>So anything to calm my writer's panic? Or to enhance it? How do you like the end especially as it was the part that gave me the most problems? <strong>_

_**Thank you for reading & staying here with me.**_


	26. Chapter 26

_**Hi!**_

_**First and for the more : WOW! It is absolutly unbelievable all the reviews I got for last chapter! You guys are so great! And I know I have been evil and I'm sorry! I hope this chapter will make it up to you!**_

_**I also have to say that I still am in a bit of a writer's bloc crise but hopefully you loving this chapter and reviewing it will help :).**_

_**I can't wait to know what you will think of this chapter! The next ones are looking hard to write!**_

_**Thank you all.**_

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><p>Chapter 26:<p>

For a long time after he had heard Merlin's confessions, Arthur stayed awake. He was tired but his mind couldn't stop revolving around the fact that Merlin had magic and had killed many people. Far too many, in fact, if what Arthur thought was right. He had a hard time trying to reconcile that image with the one he had of his manservant. But, at the same time… His mind brought him back to all the times when they were battling against a magical threat or a huge bunch of bandits against which they shouldn't have been able to win, only to succeed and find Merlin hiding somewhere on the ground or behind a tree. Arthur always mocked him at the time but he now understood that he shouldn't have because Merlin probably was more responsible for their victories than he thought. He suddenly asked himself how much of his succesess were really truly his. How much had Merlin lied to him?

His heart kept vacillating between being hurt and angry at Merlin and pitying and understanding his friend. He was angry and hurt Merlin had not trusted him enough to tell him the truth, even partially. But then again, would he have believed Merlin? Would he have protected him by breaking Camelot's first law?

That was how he understood why Merlin had lied and why he pitied him in a way. Always lying probably hadn't been easy. Despite the fact that he wasn't sure anymore to what extent he knew his friend, he was pretty sure that the aversion to lying he had shown wasn't faked. He couldn't be that good at pretending.

By the time he heard Merlin getting up again, he was still as lost as he had been hours before. He listened as his servant dressed himself and quietly made his way to the door he opened not so quietly, stopping to check no one had been woken. Arthur closed hastily his eyes again and reopened them only when he heard Merlin close the door and walk away in the night. He battled for a moment with the idea of following him but deciding against it. By the look of it, it seemed they both needed time to think. Merlin to accept what his mother told him and Arthur to deal with his feelings.

What he did, however, was push himself into a sitting position, leaning his arms on his bent legs and rubbing his neck. He felt tired but knew he wouldn't get anymore sleep. For a long, long time he stayed like that and moved only when he noticed the sun rising outside. He got silently up and went to the fire, bringing it back to life to chase the slight chill that had taken hold of the room during the night. He then sat himself at the table waiting for Gwaine and Merlin's mother to wake up. His gaze found the sky and he let himself being caught up in the colors of the dawn sky.

It was another while later before he heard Hunith shifting on the bed, probably looking for Merlin. When she didn't find him near her she got up and joined Arthur at the table.

"Hello, Arthur." She said, sitting herself in front of him and reaching to pour herself a cup of water. "You're up early. Are you alright?"

"Hum… Yes, thank you." He answered distractedly.

"You're sure? You look as if something was troubling you?" She insisted in a kind voice.

"No, no, it's fine, Hunith. Don't worry about me." She didn't seem convinced but she nodded anyway.

"Have you seen Merlin?" She asked after a bit of silence, worry dripping in her voice.

"No… But I think I heard him going out some time ago."

Hunith nodded again, looking worriedly at the door as if Merlin would magically reappear. Arthur snorted at the thought.

"Can I ask you a question?" Arthur asked a bit later, getting out of his thought.

"Of course, Arthur." Hunith answered, a little surprised.

"Why did you send Merlin to Camelot?"

If she was surprised before it was nothing compared to what she was now. She watched him with wide eyes for a moment before catching herself and taking a sip of water.

"Well… For many reasons. But mostly because I thought that he was destined to more than just our small village. You know Merlin always was a very… gifted boy, I'd say, and it felt as if he didn't fit in Ealdor anymore… And he needed someone else to guide him than me…" Hunith explained and Arthur felt she was being honest.

In fact, Merlin had told him the same thing when they had come to help the little town so many years before. At the time he had thought nothing about it but now he understood the undertones of this explanation. From what he had gathered, Merlin probably began practicing magic before ever coming to Camelot. Of course someone like that wouldn't be accepted in a small town like Ealdor. He probably felt like an outsider and had to hide his activities. Ealdor may not be within Camelot's borders but magic wasn't viewed very favorably there either. But that didn't explain why Hunith had chosen to send him to the one Kingdom where magic was banned on penalty of death. Was it because she wanted him to stop? Arthur dismissed the thought. She didn't seem to want him to stop practicing magic. In fact, she had encouraged him to continue using it and had calmed his doubts about it. Arthur had to admit he was at a loss. He was about to open his mouth to ask another question when Gwaine groaned and pushed himself up. He clamped his mouth shut and watched as his Knight came over to the table.

"Good morning." Gwaine said, sitting himself at the table and reaching for a piece of bread. "Where is Merlin?"

"He went out for a walk." Arthur answered before Hunith could.

Arthur watched as a look of worry crossed Gwaine's eyes.

"Is he alright?" The Knight asked in concern. And Arthur noticed that he hadn't even asked himself that question yet. Worry sparked in his gut. Of course, Merlin wouldn't be alright. He felt suddenly very bad about doubting his friend, and made his decision.

"You know what? I'll go check on him and make sure of that. Do you have an idea where he could be, Hunith?" He asked.

"Hum, probably in the clearing that lies south of the village. Will and he spent their time there when they were young." Merlin's mother answered a little bit shocked at Arthur's agitated expression.

"Okay." He said and was up even before anyone could stop him.

He didn't see the glance that passed between Gwaine and Merlin's mother exchanged and went out. He immediately set out towards the south with a determined stride. He still wasn't really sure what he felt about Merlin being a Sorcerer but he knew that wallowing in his thoughts and doubts wouldn't probably help much at this point and he had to discuss it with the man in question.

It took him only a few minutes to find the clearing Hunith had indicated him. He immediately spotted Merlin sitting on the ground, shaking slightly. Arthur took a moment to compose himself then made his way towards his friend, sitting himself down in front of him. He was determined to get the truth out of his friend but the hurt part of his mind wasn't keen on make it easy either. That was why he kept the discussion on a sarcastic tone watching Merlin become more and more agitated as he caught up with where Arthur was headed and obviously trying to find a way out of it. Arthur didn't let him but made it clear to Merlin that this time he hadn't come as a King but as a friend. He wasn't sure why he had said that but it had seemed like the best thing to do. And, at the same time, it was like a test. Because he could understand why Merlin would lie to the King of Camelot about his magic but he can't understand why he couldn't trust one of his friends about it. That's what he wanted to make certain of: did Merlin trust him enough as a friend to tell him his secret or was the said friendship a lie too?

When he had finally asked _the_ question, he had watched impatiently, and just a little bit anxiously, how Merlin had seemed to ponder his options. It came as a relief as Merlin finally admitted that he had magic and to Arthur it was also a sign that their friendship meant something to the not-so-secret-Sorcerer. It seemed, however, that, once he had began, Merlin wouldn't stop talking and Arthur soon found himself desperately trying to stop Merlin from fainting as the boy apologized profusely and tried to explain to Arthur in an almost manic tone why he had lied and how he was sorry even if he looked like he couldn't get enough air in his lungs. Arthur even tried to get back to their odd way of arguing by calling Merlin a girl but even that didn't pierce through Merlin's obvious panic attack. Finally as Merlin was swaying more and more and looking ashen, Arthur resorted to his last weapon and whacked Merlin on the head like he always did when Merlin did something stupid.

That, at least, seemed to have an effect as Merlin stopped talking and managed to take a deep breath, then another. Arthur, however, kept a hand on his elbow to steady him as Merlin finally seemed to breathe a little more normally. In fact, his breathing was the last thing that looked even a bit normal about Merlin because other than that he looked far more pale, thin, shaky and afraid than Arthur had ever seen him and Merlin should ever look. Arthur felt bad for being at least partly responsible of it but a small, annoying voice in his head kept telling him that Merlin deserved a bit of hurt as a punishment for having lied to Arthur for five years.

"Ow." Was the only thing that Merlin said and even with that he sounded breathless. He was rubbing his head with his hand and Arthur nearly smiled at the familiar image.

"Better?" Arthur asked carefully after a long time.

Merlin nodded but kept his mouth shut. There was another little moment of silence before Arthur and Merlin began speaking at the same time. Arthur motioned to Merlin to speak first, curious to know what he had to say.

"I… I just wanted to say that… I will accept whatever punishment you see fit for me." Merlin began in a quiet and quivering voice, never lifting his eyes from the ground. "I know that I don't deserve clemency and I won't hold it against you or resist if you decide to kill me. I'm just asking you to let me say goodbye to my mother."

It was painful for Arthur to see his friend so defeated, almost sure that Arthur would kill him and absolutely sure he deserved it.

"Merlin…" He began, his voice catching. "Look at me, Merlin."

He waited for Merlin to slowly drag his eyes up before continuing.

"I won't pretend I am not mad at you Merlin… But, killing you is absolutely not on the agenda. Strangely enough, I don't believe you evil and I really don't think you deserve to die."

"You don't know what I did." Merlin muttered, dropping his gaze again and sighing.

"I know that you killed Agravaine and tried to kill Morgana. I understood that you probably killed even more and I am sure we have a long talk ahead of us but, Merlin, I am sure you had a very good reason for all you did. I trust you."

Merlin looked up sharply at him and his wide, scared eyes searched his face, looking for a lie that really wasn't there. Arthur really meant what he said. He may have not noticed it before nor made a conscious choice about it but he trusted Merlin. Despite the lies, the murders, despite the magic. He knew that everything won't immediately be as it had been before, not with all he had still to learn. But, in time, Arthur was sure everything would be alright. _Well, that is, if Merlin can stop being such a dollophead and come to terms with what he has done_, Arthur thought.

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><p><em><strong>Soooo? Am I forgiven for last time cliffhanger? Tell me what you thought of that chapter, and what you think will happen next?<strong>_

_**Oh and if one of you have any photoshopping talent and want to make a cover for this story (or my others stories) I'll be forever grateful :D**_


	27. Chapter 27

_**Hello my dear readers!**_

_**First of all, please excuse me for the terrible lateness of this chapter. I feel really, really bad at making you wait so long :( I'm so scared you are all going to disapear one day... If it helps I can promise you you will not have to wait so long again for the next chapter because I absolutly want to post it before leaving to go on holiday on August, 13th. **_

_**As ever, I want to thank you all for reading and reviewing -and generally just keeping up with me and this story-. Special thanks to my Beta May Glenn (I don't mention her enough those days) and to CarolinaEirasSa who made the wonderful new cover for this story! Isn't it absolutly beautiful?**_

_**Anyway, I'll stop talking. I hope you'll like the chapter. Don't forget to let me know!**_

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><p>Chapter 27:<p>

When Gwaine woke up, he groaned against the morning light that hit his eyes. He pushed himself up from the hard ground and was met with the sight of Arthur and Hunith sitting at the table. It was obvious he had interrupted a serious conversation by the thoughtful look on Arthur's face.

"Good morning." Gwaine said as he made his way towards the table, sitting himself down and picking up bread while trying to ignore the slight tension in the room.

The Knight's gaze swept around him and he noticed the lack of Merlin in the bed where he had last seen him before going to sleep the night before. Worry settled in his chest as he remembered the last time Merlin had disappeared like that.

"Where is Merlin?" He asked, trying and failing to keep the nervousness out of his tone.

"He went out for a walk." Arthur answered.

Gwaine froze lightly at that and considered going looking out for his friend, but the King suddenly seemed to become aware that Merlin going out for a walk before sunrise, alone and without leaving a note was not a normal thing and that, maybe, Merlin may not feel as good as he wanted them to believe. Gwaine was surprised to see worry spark in Arthur's eyes and the King suddenly became agitated and before either Gwaine or Hunith had time to say anything, Arthur was out the door. Gwaine, stunned, looked at Hunith with a raised eyebrow and she shrugged in response.

"What was that?" He asked after a beat, still a bit dazed.

"I… I don't know…" Hunith answered slowly, looking confused. "I found him sitting at the table this morning, looking troubled. I asked him if everything was alright and he said not to worry. But I don't know… It's as though something changed in him… "

"Why do you say that?"

"He asked me why I sent Merlin to Camelot…"

She paused and looked thoughtful for a moment as Gwaine's mind went over the information she had just given him.

"Do you think… He knows? About the magic?" Gwaine questioned after a while.

Hunith paled slightly as she considered his words.

"How could he?"

"I don't know… But it could be an explanation why he's…"

Hunith nodded slowly, still looking worried.

"We will have to wait and see, I suppose." She decided finally and got up to begin her day's work.

Gwaine nodded and offered his help but he couldn't stop wondering if Arthur had found Merlin and what was happening between them.

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><p>In fact, those questions didn't leave him the whole morning, as he helped Hunith care for her small garden. He knew she was worried too by the way she kept glancing regularly towards the south. She seemed, however, calm enough, and Gwaine admired her for that. He felt as if he was constantly fighting not to go and find Arthur and Merlin just to make sure they were both alright. He managed to do that well enough until midday. When people began going back to their homes to eat lunch, the absence of the King and his servant was all the more visible. He looked over at Hunith and saw her wringing her hands anxiously.<p>

"I think I'll go see if I can find Merlin and Arthur." He proposed, standing up.

"Yes… That's… That's a good idea. I'll make something to eat." Hunith answered, looking only slightly relieved.

Gwaine gave her an encouraging smile and turned towards the forest, walking towards it in a determinate stride. He knew he was probably being stupid and should trust Arthur with Merlin but… He couldn't stop worring. Merlin was his first and best friend and with all that had happened in the past weeks he felt more than ever the need to know if the young Warlock was alright. He felt nervous, however, to interrupt Arthur and Merlin if the King was somehow managing to help Merlin. That's why he decided to creep in the woods, keeping his steps as quiet as possible.

It took him several minutes but the forest finally began to clear and he saw the clearing Hunith had been talking about. Gwaine took even more care to be silent and hid behind a tree. Peering out around it, he saw Arthur and Merlin sitting in the middle of the circle of trees. The black-haired man had his back turned towards him but Gwaine could see him shaking slightly as he had so often lately. It also looked as if he was talking, head bowed as Arthur listen closely with an intense look in his eyes. Gwaine had never seen the King look so open. His face was an odd combination of amazement, awe, sympathy and also a little bit of fear and expected anger. And that's how he realized that his previous idea was right. Somehow, Arthur had learned about Merlin's magic and now he seemed to be questioning him.

What surprised Gwaine, however, was that Arthur was perfectly calm about it. the Knight had been expecting him to, at least, take out his sword or pace or flail his arms in anger at Merlin's betrayal but, here was the King, just sitting on the ground in front of his servant, sword attached at his belt, listening. Gwaine didn't know if he should be happy that everything went so well or worried because of it. For all he knew, Arthur's calm façade could be just that. A façade, waiting to blow up in front of them. So, to be sure, Gwaine decided to stay where he was and wait to see what would happen.

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><p>As Gwaine watched from afar, Merlin talked for a long time and Arthur only interrupted a couple times. Unfortunately, the Knight couldn't hear anything they were saying and it made him grow restless. He craved to know what they were talking about or to at least see Merlin's face to see how his friend was. It was too hard to tell from that distance and Gwaine was more and more worried. He wished he could just come out and tell Merlin everything would be alright. Even possibly hug him. But he knew it was a bad idea to surprise him like that when he finally was beginning to open up to Arthur. It was too possible that Merlin would just clam up again and would be lost to them. So Gwaine forced himself to wait, minutes, hours ticking by, the sun making its way through the blue sky, trusting Arthur with his friend's wellbeing.<p>

When it looked like Merlin finally stopped speaking, Arthur watched him for a long time with an unreadable expression. He opened his mouth to talk but closed it again and did something that Gwaine had only hoped he would do. He pushed himself up and engulfed Merlin in a hug, crushing his younger friend against him. And Gwaine was surprised to see tears glistening in the King's eyes. The Knight smiled at the scene in front of him, the worry and doubt in his heart finally leaving him. He felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he saw that Arthur had finally learned the truth about his manservant and accepted it. He knew that that hug didn't mean everything was alright, far from it in fact, but it was a beginning. A very good beginning.

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><p><strong>So? How was it? Absolutly terrible? I know it is a bit short... I hope you are not too disapointed... Leave me a little review pleeeaaaase!<strong>

**Until next time!**


	28. Chapter 28

_**Hello my dear readers! **_

_**Like I had promised, here is chapter 28! (Thanks so much for the rapid correction to May Glenn!)**_

_**I hope you will like it... I do pretty much. I have to say that, when it came to it, I absolutly didn't know what towrite but then il felt like Merlin chose what he wanted to say and how... It was really a weird feeling. But well... Who am I to go against the most powerful Warlock in the world?**_

_**Anyway, as I said previously, I'm leaving on holiday tomorrow so it means no computer (but hopefully not no writing) and no chapter for you for three weeks I think (with the time to reconnect after I come back). So... Yes... Hope fully next chapter will be on August 31st or something like that!**_

_**In the mean time, I accept any prompts for my holidays (if I recieve them before tomorrow evening :D)**_

_**I'm going to miss you.**_

_**Time to read :D (& leave a review ?) **_

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><p>Chapter 28:<p>

For a long time, Merlin just stared at Arthur, trying to make sense of his King's words. Why would he say that he trusted him after all he had done? All the lies he had told? All the mistakes he had made and all the people he had killed? Merlin couldn't wrap his mind around that fact and avoided Arthur's intense gaze, shaking his head slightly.

"Why, Arthur?" He asked quietly, looking at the grass.

"Why, what?" Arthur answered, letting his hand fall from where it had gripped his arm his eyes burning Merlin's neck.

"Why do you trust me?" Merlin explained, the confusion he felt clearly audible in his voice. "You have no reason to anymore! I've lied to you since I set foot in Camelot, Arthur! I am no better than all the other Sorcerers you've met! You should kill me!"

Merlin hadn't noticed it but during his rant he had pushed himself up and was pacing the floor, suddenly angry and full of nervous energy. Arthur followed him up but just stayed on his feet, watching him, at a loss for what to do with his arms hanging uselessly at his sides.

"Is that what you want?" He asked after a time, voice low.

"No." Merlin answered his voice sounding as unsure of his answer as he felt. "Or maybe yes… I'd certainly deserve it, wouldn't I?"

"I don't think you do." Arthur began and Merlin felt his gaze on him as he continued to pace the ground even if he was still shaky on his legs. "Merlin… Look… Sit down will you?" He continued, grabbing Merlin and making him sit again. "I understand you are confused and scared but you can't endlessly blame yourself for what you did, whatever it was." Arthur said forcefully, squeezing his arms to make him listen.

Merlin shook his head and freed himself from Arthur's grip, pushing himself back a bit on the ground. His mind was willing to believe Arthur but his heart was refusing to see past the guilt and pain of all the death he had caused.

For a long time, he stayed silent, trying to find a way to express what he was feeling to Arthur even if he wasn't sure what that was at the moment. His heart felt like a tempest of fear, guilt and sadness and he didn't know anymore what to think or what to do.

"Merlin…" Arthur began after a long time and Merlin's muscles tensed on their own accord as if knowing what the King would say. "I won't force you but… I wish you would tell me everything you hadn't told me. Because I want to be the friend I realize now I hadn't truly been for you... I want to help you but I don't think I can if I don't know..."

Merlin still didn't answer, not knowing what to say. For a long time, he had hoped and longed for such words coming from Arthur's mouth but now they seemed empty to his ears. He sighed. _What was the point of telling Arthur everything now?_

"Please, Merlin..." Arthur added when it became clear Merlin wouldn't answer. "Please."

Merlin closed his eyes and hugged his legs against him, willing the threatening tears to go away. He didn't want to tell Arthur. Partly because he was scared of what Arthur would think of him but also partly because he didn't want to burden his friend more than he already had. The rational part of his mind knew that Arthur would feel guilty and Merlin didn't want that. Sure, in the past, he had sometimes wished that Arthur would feel just a tiny little bit of the guilt he had felt but now he didn't want that anymore. But, at the same time, Arthur's pleading tone went straight to his heart and had pulled at strings that Merlin wished it hadn't, because now he couldn't do anything other than just talk.

And that was exactly what he did. He told Arthur of that whole part of his life he didn't know about. Of all those times when he had edited the truth, when he had made choices that Arthur didn't know of or when he had only been pretending to be hiding when he had in fact been saving his King. During the whole time he was talking he kept his gaze on the ground, pretending very hard that he was just talking to the wind and not to the man who had been his Destiny for the past seven years. He kept his arms tightly clenched around his legs, willing his body to stop shivering and the tears not to fall. He spoke in a whisper, his voice unstable and quivering but he knew Arthur was listening to his every word.

He talked for a long, long time and the sun was very bright when he finally finished his story. Merlin's brain told him that it meant it was probably past midday. He didn't really care, however. Next to him, Arthur was silent. In fact, the King had been silent for a long time too, only interrupting him a few time to ask a question about what he was talking about to make sure they were talking about the same event. Merlin was grateful that Arthur had just listened to him for once because he knew he couldn't have continued talking if he had been stopped for long. Now his throat felt almost raw from having talked so much after weeks of near silence but he felt slightly relieved to have finally told the King everything. He had waited for that the time he could stop lying for such a long time that he had stopped to notice the always present weight of the lies and dissimulations but now he definitely felt it lift and had it been in any other circumstances he would have smiled but he didn't have the heart to.

For what felt like an eternity, the only sound Merlin could hear was the rush of blood in his ears and the deafening pace of his heart as he waited for Arthur to react to all that he had told him. He was tense, expecting the cold touch of a blade any time against his neck but time passed and nothing happened. He wanted to look up to see Arthur's face but didn't feel the courage to see the betrayal and hate in his friend's eyes so he didn't move and waited. He heard Arthur open and close his mouth but no sounds came out of him and Merlin closed his eyes. He felt Arthur's movement and expected the fatal blow but was surprised to instead be engulfed in a hug.

His mind sputtered to a stop, not comprehending what was happening and he didn't move as Arthur squeezed him tightly against his chest.

"Merlin." The King said against him and his voice sounded oddly thick with tears. "I am so sorry that you had to do all that alone. I am sorry for all those things I said to you, for all those times I said magic was evil and needed to be banished. I was so stupid at the time… But not anymore."

Merlin's eyes snapped open but he didn't say anything. He couldn't understand why Arthur was apologizing to him but his words sent a warm feeling though him anyway and he found his eyes watering for a different reason this time. He put his arms around Arthur and awkwardly hugged him back.

"No, Arthur." He said. "Please, don't apologize. You have done nothing wrong. It is only me and I am sorry."

"Shh Merlin. None of that. You've done what you felt you had to. What you thought was right and no one can blame you for that, you hear me? No one."

"That doesn't change the fact that if I had helped Morgana instead of pushing her away towards the Druids and poisoning her then maybe..."

"Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything." Arthur interrupted him, his voice firm.

"I still could have saved Gaius if I had just taken the time to." Merlin muttered his voice low.

Arthur heard him and held him back at arm's length, making sure that Merlin was watching him before talking.

"Merlin. Gaius was an old man. Yes, maybe you could have saved him but maybe not. You have heard Gwaine's story haven't you? Gaius was weak for a long time before you infiltrated the Castle. If you had tried to save him at the time you would have destroyed our plan to go in undetected. What you have done was very courageous and the only thing possible. It is only thanks to you that we managed to defeat Morgana."

Merlin wanted to say that it wasn't true and that he was just trying to make up for his mistakes but Arthur interrupted him.

"Don't Merlin. What do you think Gaius would say if he saw you now? Do you think he would want you to destroy yourself like that for him?"

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><p><em><strong>So... I hope you are not hating me too much for that... Leave me a little review to say? And what do you think will happen next?<strong>_

_**See you soon !**_


	29. Chapter 29

_**Hiiii my dear readers!**_

_**Look who's back? **_

_**I am sooo happy to be back here (even with the 40 fics updated I have to read)! I missed you :)**_

_**I want to thank you all again for following this story and leaving so many conderful reviews!**_

_**And thanks to my Beta!**_

_**I'll leave you with it :)**_

_**Good reading!**_

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><p>Chapter 29:<p>

As Arthur heard Merlin's story he could only stare at his friend in awe and admiration. He was glad he was already sitting because he really doubted that he could have listened to all that without falling to the ground. He felt absolutely astounded at what he was hearing. Of course, he had guessed that Merlin had been hiding many things and he had expected some of the things the Sorcerer told him but he had never ever thought that his Servant had done so much for him and Camelot. Not in a million years could he have imagined that. He felt so stupid for having believed some of the lies Merlin had told him. Of course his skinny manservant wouldn't have been able to knock him out with a wooden stick and of course he hadn't killed the Dragon with a simple sword!

He suppressed a frustrated sigh, unwilling to disturb Merlin now that the young man was finally talking and especially now he was telling the truth. And what truth! Arthur understood why Merlin hadn't told him before. Arthur probably wouldn't even have believed him if his servant had come to him to tell him what he had done. Who could believe that Merlin was an all powerful Warlock, after all? But now, seeing Merlin hunched over himself, speaking in that low and quivering voice that was so unlike him, Arthur truly believed every word he said.

The more Merlin talked, the more Arthur felt his initial anger recede, leaving only guilt and regret after it. How could he stay angry at Merlin when the boy had sacrificed so much for him and his Kingdom? The only anger he still felt was towards himself because he realized now that he had made a huge mistake when he decided to follow his father's steps so blindly. He had never even considered the question of magic. He had just believed in what he was taught: Magic was evil, no exceptions. But now, with Merlin's tale of magic and heartbreak he could see clearly that magic wasn't necessarily evil. It just was a tool in the hands of evil people and it was only Uther's hate had driven the good sorcerers away, leaving only the evil ones to seek revenge.

Arthur felt so guilty to have helped in that. He realized also how lucky he was that Merlin was still at his side when he could have turned on him so many times before. In fact, Arthur nearly thought he would have deserved it. How many times had he said something hateful against magic in Merlin's presence? He had really been a prat in every way he could. He regretted all those times now and he desperately wished he could go back in time and listen to Merlin all the times he had said something bad would happen and help him instead of pushing away the one person that protected him. Maybe if he had been more observant and open-minded, Merlin had confessed his secret a long time before and maybe, maybe, things would have been different. But they would never know that. What was done was done and neither Arthur nor Merlin could do anything to change that. Now Arthur could only try to right his wrongs and help Merlin. And that was exactly what he would do.

When Merlin finally stopped talking, Arthur stayed silent for a few more minutes, his mind reeling from all the new information he had learned about his friend. For now on he wouldn't see his friend the same. But not in a bad way. Oh, no. Now he was finally seeing the true Merlin. And Arthur wasn't sure who he was exactly. Because the Merlin he saw now in front of him was nothing like the Warlock that had defeated Morgana so many times. All he could see was a young man that had lost too many people and had seen too much evil for a pure heart like the one he had. Arthur opened his mouth to talk but closed it soon after when he couldn't find anything to say. There were so many things he had to say to Merlin right now but he couldn't find the right words so instead he just pushed himself up and towards his friend and hugged him tightly, hoping that the action would say more than any words could. At first, he felt Merlin tense beneath him, as if waiting for a dagger to be pushed in him, but when Arthur only squeezed him tighter he finally relaxed and awkwardly put his arms around Arthur.

"Merlin." Arthur said and he didn't even care that the tears in his eyes made his voice sound thick. "I am so sorry that you had to do all that alone. I am sorry for all those things I said to you, for all those times I said magic was evil and needed to be banished. I was so stupid… But not anymore."

"No Arthur." Merlin answered, his voice also a little tearful. "Please, don't apologize. You have done nothing wrong. It is only me and I am sorry."

Arthut felt a wave of irritation spread through him. When would Merlin understand that he had nothing to be sorry for?

"Shh Merlin. None of that. You've done what you felt you had to. What you thought was right and no one can blame you for that, you hear me? No one."

"That doesn't change the fact that if I had helped Morgana instead of pushing her away towards the Druids and poisoning her, then maybe..."

"Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything." Arthur interrupted him, his voice firm even if he had himself followed this train of thought.

"I still could have saved Gaius if I had just taken the time to." Merlin muttered his voice low against Arthur's back.

Arthur suppressed an exasperated sigh and held Merlin out at arm's length. He made sure that Merlin was listening to him before talking in his most kingly voice, hoping to make his friend believe him once and for all.

"Merlin. Gaius was an old man. Yes, maybe you could have saved him but maybe not. You have heard Gwaine's story, haven't you? Gaius was weak for a long time before you infiltrated the Castle. If you had tried to save him at the time you would have destroyed our plan to go in undetected. What you have done was very courageous and the only thing possible. It is only thanks to you that we managed to defeat Morgana."

Arthur saw that Merlin was about to interrupt him so he just continued, his voice a little firmer than before.

"Don't Merlin. What do you think Gaius would say if he'd see you now? Do you think he would want you to destroy yourself like this for him?"

Arthur felt bad for using Gaius' memory on Merlin like that but he was short of ideas to shake his friend out of his self-depreciating thoughts. He saw Merlin's eyes darken and he let him free himself from his grip. For a moment, Arthur thought that Merlin would just get up and disappear but he stayed where he was and stared at Arthur as if he had trouble believing that the King had dared saying that but then Arthur was nearly able to see his sentence make his way in Merlin's mind and the King felt hope come back in his heart.

A long few minutes of silent staring and finally Merlin let his eyes drop to the ground once more.

"You're right." He said in a whisper so low that Arthur could easily convince himself he had imagined it but then Merlin brought his eyes back up and Arthur saw the way they had changed. It wasn't something easy to explain or to see if you didn't know Merlin very well but something in his eyes had changed. It was like a light that had disappeared for the last weeks had been switched on again and Arthur knew that, in the end, he would be alright. Almost timidly, Arthur let a little smile lift up the corner of his mouth and the joy he felt when he saw Merlin answer with a little smile of his own was nearly overwhelming. Arthur couldn't stop himself before he hugged Merlin for a second time.

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><p><em><strong>So? Did you like it ? Was it what you expected? Better? Worse? <strong>_

_**Anyway, see you soon, and leave a comment!**_


	30. Chapter 30

**_Hi my dear readers !_**

**_So, I'm a little late, I know, but... Well... Life got in the way and I'm lazy :)._**

**_Anyway, I hope you will like this chapter :)_**

**_Onwards!_**

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><p>Chapter 30:<p>

When Arthur let go of him for the second time this day, an awkward silence settled. Merlin felt lighter than he had in weeks. What Arthur had said to him was true, even if it had been hard to hear. Gaius wouldn't have wanted him to blame himself for his death. In fact, he could nearly hear his mentor's voice scolding him for being so stupid and selfish. Merlin suddenly felt ashamed for having worried his friends so much, and he pushed himself up.

"We should go back." He said to Arthur and watched as King also stand before putting an arm around his shoulders.

"Absolutely. I'm famished." Arthur answered with a grin before dragging Merlin away.

Merlin noticed that, for the first time in a long time, he was also feeling hungry and maybe just a little bit light headed because of it.

They made their way at a slow pace through the forest and soon were back in the small village. The people in the streets all lifted their head and stared more or less openly when the King of Camelot made his way towards Hunith's house with his arm casually around his manservant's shoulders and Merlin felt his neck burn red.

He was quickly distracted, however, when he caught sight of his mother walking hurriedly towards them. He felt guilty for the worried frown on her face and extracted himself from Arthur to hug his mother tightly.

"Merlin," she whispered in his hair, squeezing him. "I've been worried."

"I know." He answered without releasing her. "I'm sorry. But I'm okay now. Arthur knows."

He felt his mother freeze and look sharply up at the King.

"Don't worry. He is okay with it." He clarified.

Hunith squeezed him tightly before releasing him again and watched him with a proud and relieved gaze. They just stared in each other's eyes for a few more seconds, then Hunith nodded.

"Come on," She announced to Merlin and Arthur. "I thought you might be hungry and I saved you some stew."

"Good. I'm starving." Arthur said and followed them inside the house.

Gwaine was still sitting at the table eating when the trio went in and he sent a smile to them and Merlin had the distinct impression that he sent a thankful glance to Arthur. Merlin frowned at the Knight but forgot about it as soon as his mother placed a bowl full of delicious smelling stew in front of him. It suddenly seemed as if he hadn't eaten in days, and if he was honest with himself, maybe he hadn't, and he immediately began wolfing it down.

He was so focused on his food that he barely noticed the amused glances the others occupant of the rooms were throwing him. His mother sat herself down next to him and placed a goblet in front of him. He thanked her quickly before drinking a bit and continuing eating.

In only a few minutes, he had finished the plate and was feeling positively full. He let out a happy sigh and finally paid attention to the people around him. Arthur was still eating his own plate at a more normal pace and Gwaine and Hunith were just watching them silently, looking happy to see them both here and better. He sent them a questioning glance but they just shrugged and smiled. He wanted to feel annoyed with their mysterious attitude but, now his hunger as been taken care off he felt suddenly very sleepy and all he wanted was just to lie down and sleep for at least two days. His ever too perceptive mother noticed this and she put a light hand on his back, stroking slightly.

"Why don't you go lie down for a bit, Merlin?" She asked in a gentle voice. "You look tired."

Merlin would have liked to say otherwise but the call of bed was too strong.

"Yeah." He answered and got up. "Wake me for dinner."

"Of course. Sleep well." His mother said and kissed him on the cheek.

Merlin nodded and went to the corner on the room where his mother's bed was and kicked off his shoes. He took his coat off and lied down, not even bothering to cover himself. His eyes closed and in only a few seconds he was soundly asleep.

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><p>Merlin was woken by a hand on cheek, stroking lovingly the hairs above his ear. He smiled lightly, leaning to the touch he recognized as his mother's. She laughed slightly but thankfully didn't stop.<p>

"Come on Merlin, dinner is nearly ready, you can go back to bed straight after if you want to." She said and Merlin forced his eyes to open and watched his mother.

"I've missed this." He said, his voice slightly hoarse from sleep.

"What?" Hunith asked curiously, not just yet removing her hand.

"You, waking me up." Merlin explained, making his mother smile.

"I've missed it too my boy. But no more excuses, get up."

Merlin kept himself from sighing when his mother left him and pushed himself in a sitting position before getting up and walking towards his mother who was turning a dead and roasting rabbit over the fire.

"Where are Arthur and Gwaine?" He asked as he automatically began setting the table.

"Outside, cleaning their blades after catching this rabbit." Hunith answered with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Merlin answered, offering a small smile. "I'm sorry I worried you so much…"

"Oh, Merlin." His mother breathed and made her way towards him, taking his hand. "Don't be sorry for that. I'm your mother, I always worry about you and you can't change that."

Merlin said nothing but hugged his Mother tightly. He felt her kiss the side of his head before taking a step back with a smile.

"Well, food is ready. You better go get Arthur and Gwaine."

Merlin nodded and made his way to the door, stepping in the setting sun outside. He found the King and his Knight sitting on the little bench next to the house, both sharpening their swords, looking casual and relaxed without their chainmail. They both jumped slightly and looked up at him when he cleared his throat to make his presence known.

"Mother says food is ready if you want."

"Great." Gwaine said and jumped to his feet.

He stopped when he was next to Merlin and sent him a smile.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Good." Merlin answered with a small smile making Gwaine look relieved.

The Knight then went inside, eager for something to eat and Merlin shook his head before turning to watch Arthur get up and gather his sword and sharpening stone. He squeezed Merlin's shoulder and together they entered the hut, sitting down at the table.

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><p><strong>Soooo ? How was it ? Any good ? <strong>

**Oh, and little precision, I don't know how to kill rabbits as I really love them so... Forgive me if it isn't really realistic...**

**And, here is a personnal rant you are free to ignore... **

**The fact is that, as this story slowly goes closer to his conclusion I begin to think about what to do next and... I have that idea that could be a huge... Thing... But I am very afraid to write it because it would be... Different and I'm not sure of myself so... Yeah... I don't know what to do...**

**And at the same time... I would love to try to write prompts :)**

**Yes, that was pretty useless!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Hi everyone!**

**Important announcement: This chapter has not been Beta'ed due to lack of time from my Beta. It will be in the future hopefully. So that means it will probably be a bit... Not as good. I am deeply sorry for it. And for the lateness of the chapter... **

**Let's also make a special credit to Hallaromen who had thought of a wonderful idea in the last chapter that I haven't thought of (and honestly should have). So let it be said that Hunith had drugged Merlin with a sleeping draught under the supervision of Gwaine. That really was a great idea!**

**Anyway, on with it :D**

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><p>Chapter 31:<p>

Arthur watched with a slight smile as Hunith went up to cover her son, stroking his hair lovingly in the process. In his heart he felt a pang of longing for such relationship with a parent but he immediately crushed it. He had had a privileged childhood. He only grasped at this moment how true that was. He thought at how hard Merlin's childhood must have been with only his Mother and strange powers he had little control on but still had to hide under penalty of death. He was all the more glad Hunith was the gentle and courageous soul she was because life had probably been hard for her too with all the worry about his son.

When she sat back at the table a few moments later, she sent them a sheepish grin, not unlike Merlin's.

"I feel I should thank you Arthur." She said and Arthur shook his head in deny. "No really. I thank you for having listened to him and accepted him and his magic. I'm sure it was more important for him than he thought."

"And I am glad he finally told me. I feel so bad for not having understood before and for not having been worthy of his trust. I am so sorry I pushed him away in the past. Even if I hadn't known. I understand only now how much some things I said to him must have hurt him and I would give everything to go back and stop myself from being so mean and unfeeling…" Arthur sighed and looked at the incredulous face of Hunith and Gwaine. "But what has been done can't be undone and I can only be glad that Merlin didn't hold it against me… But I promise you I will make things right again." Arthur swear, his voice adopting a regal tone.

Silence fell and Arthur was surprised when he found himself engulfed in a tight hug against Hunith.

"Oh! Arthur Pendragon, I could never thank you enough!" She said to him, her voice thick with tears.

"Don't mention it, Hunith." He answered and awkwardly pated her back in a comforting gesture.

She hugged him for a few more minutes then let go of him, straightening her dress.

"Well, I should go… I still have work to do in the fields."

Arthur nodded and watched as she got up. His eyes fell on Gwaine who was watching him with a thoughtful expression.

"I think I will go hunting." Arthur proposed, hoping that the Knight would catch the hint. "See if I can catch any meat for tonight."

"Yeah, I'll go with you." Gwaine said, his tone unreadable. "Wouldn't want you to get lost."

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><p>That was how Arthur found himself an hour later in the middle of the forest surrounding Ealdor, searching for any wild animals to catch with Gwaine. The Knight had yet to talk and Arthur found it unnerving. It was too unlike Gwaine to stay silent so long, even during hunts. Arthur was, however, decided to wait until his Knight begin to talk about what was clearly troubling him.<p>

His patience was rewarded another hour later when Gwaine and he finally caught a rabbit that would make a decent enough meal. They were making their way back towards Ealdor when Gwaine abruptly stopped walking, forcing the King to do the same.

"You really meant what you told Hunith, right?" Gwaine asked and Arthur understood from his tone that that was what had been troubling the Knight. "You're not going to get back on this promise at the first evil Sorcerer we'll meet, claiming magic is evil?"

Arthur sighted inwardly. He should have known Gwaine's protective instinct for Merlin wouldn't be settled so easily.

"No Gwaine, I'm not going to. I've understood my mistakes and won't do them again." He explained, making sure to sound as sure of his decision as he felt in his heart.

Gwaine observed him for a long time, searching his eyes for any uncertainty, and, when he found none, he nodded.

"So, what are you going to do then?" He asked and Arthur hesitated.

He hadn't really planned what would happen next, once they will be back in Camelot.

"To be honest with you, I'm not quite sure. I think I will go back to Camelot as soon as possible and revise the ban on Sorcery obviously. But I'm worried about the Council and people reaction. After more than 20 years during which they saw magic as an evil force surely it will be hard to convince them that it can also be a force of good."

"Yeah… But, in any case, you'll have Merlin support and loyalty. And mine. And I'm sure more people than you think will follow your instinct and trust your judgment." Gwaine said wisely, leaving Arthur speechless for a moment.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Knight? Because the Gwaine I know never sounds so wise unless there are taverns and ale involved."

"Very funny, _Arthur_." Gwaine answered, beginning to walk once more.

"Seriously then… Thank you, Gwaine. Your words mean a lot to me." Arthur said, following his Knight with a smile.

Gwaine only nodded but Arthur knew at that moment that he truly had Gwaine's trust and loyalty.

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><p>It didn't take them long to be back in Ealdor after that and they quickly located Hunith, working in a field next to her cottage. She gave a delighted exclamation when they showed her the rabbit they had caught and she told them to prepare it for cooking as she had just to finish a few things before dinner. It was only then that the two men realized that it was later than they thought and that it would, indeed, soon be time to eat. Gwaine volunteered to gut and skin the rabbit while Arthur went into the little house to built up the fire. Automatically, his eyes searched for Merlin and he was relieved to see his friend still peacefully asleep on his mother's cot. Arthur smiled, the feeling that he had finally done something right spreading a warm feeling through his limbs. A new kind of excitement took hold on him as he thought about all the changing he will have to make and the good it would do to his land.<p>

He shook himself from his thoughts then went out after making sure the fire burn bright enough. He sat himself down next to Gwaine. During his absence, the Knight had already nearly finished his work and, only two minutes later, Hunith appeared, carrying a basket stuffed with vegetables. She thanked them again and went inside to finish preparing the rabbit and cooking it. Gwaine sat back against the cottage wall and began cleaning his blade. Arthur took out his sword and began to do the same in a comfortable silence.

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><p>It was like that that Merlin found them a little while later, announcing dinner was ready. Arthur smiled when Gwaine immediately shot up and took time to ensure Merlin was alright before following the food's fumes inside the house. He himself collected his sword and sharpening stone before following his Knight's path. He stopped only to put a strong hand on Merlin's shoulder, happy to receive a smile in answer.<p>

When all four were sitting at the table with full plates in front of them, Arthur gathered his courage to speak.

"I've been thinking…" he began and everyone's eyes turned curiously towards him. " I think I will head back to Camelot tomorrow. I don't like leaving Gwen in charge for too long. Not that I don't trust her." He clarified quickly at the rebellious glares he received. "It's more the Council members I don't trust. They probably weren't very happy that I leave her in charge so soon after the Coronation…"

"I'm sorry…" Merlin whispered.

"Don't. It was my choice and I don't regret it." Arthur assured.

"I'll come back with you then." The Warlock announced, his voice lacking real enthusiasm.

"No." Arthur said and hurried to explain when seeing the look of hurt in his manservant's eyes. "I think you deserve a few days leave with your Mother. I'll manage to put up with George in the mean time."

"You're sure?" Merlin asked and Arthur could see the well-hidden glimmer of joy in his friend's eyes.

"Absolutely."

"But what if something happens?" Merlin asked, worried.

"I'll go back with him." Gwaine proposed and Arthur nodded.

"See? Who could harm us?"

Merlin hummed, visibly unconvinced and conflicted between his want to stay with his mother for some time to find a little peace back and his duty to protect Arthur.

"Oh don't worry so much Merlin!" Gwaine exclaimed, clapping his friend on the back. "We'll be fine without you for a few days."

"Okay…" Merlin finally, reluctantly, agreed.

"Good. Now, let's eat that fantastically good smelling food!" Gwaine decided before beginning to eat.

The others shook their heads at the Knight's antics and began eating themselves.

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><p>All in all, Arthur had spent one of the best evenings of his life in Merlin's home and small family. After their shared dinner, all four had sat in front of the fire and traded stories. Arthur and Merlin retold some of their adventures together, Gwaine some of his and Hunith shared stories and anecdotes about life with the little Merlin. Gwaine and Arthur often laughed, making Merlin redden impressively, making them laugh all the more.<p>

He would have loved to stay a bit longer but he knew he had work to do so he forced himself to prepare his bags and saddle his horse next morning. It didn't take long before he and Gwaine were ready and it was soon time for goodbyes. Merlin still looked as if part of him wanted to follow Arthur but he looked gladder to stay.

"Well, we'll see you soon then. Take care." Arthur said before mounting his horse.

Hunith and Merlin gave them both a hug, then Gwaine and he both turned their horses towards Camelot.

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><p><strong>So... How was it without correction? As bad as expected? I really, really, really, can't wait to know how you found that chapter &amp; if you have any ideas of what could happen next :D<strong>

**Oh and, a bit of self promotion: I may have began a one shot collection called "What Could Have Been" and I am currently writing a second chapter... So if you have a prompt or anything...**


	32. Chapter 32

**Hi!**

**So, yes, I only posted a chapter 4 days ago but I felt like posting a new one again. I can't promise next update will be as quick but well, I'll do what I can.**

**Anyway, I think I don't thank you enough for reading it so I'll do it now. Thank you very much for reading and for your support! You can't imagine how much it means to me! Especially now that I am a little bit stuck with my writing (and that one of you have AGAIN put that little seed of idea in my head that is probably going to lengenth this story AGAIN).**

**For this chapter, we go a little bit back in time to see what Gwen has been up too. I'm pretty nervous about posting it. I hope you'll enjoy it.**

**Oh and this is still not Beta'ed.**

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><p>Chapter 32:<p>

Gwen watched from the highest battlement as the sun slowly sunk down over the horizon, casting its last golden rays across the land. _Her land_¸ her mind reminded her and she sighted softly. It was hard for her to adapt to her new status as Queen but she knew it would become easier with time.

It had been nearly two days since Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine had left the city and those days had been pretty hard for the newly-crowd Queen. She had been forced to calm down the Council that had mostly been outraged by their King's actions and it hadn't been an easy work to impose herself and explain to them that she was quite capable to watch over the Kingdom while her husband was away and that he had trusted her and that should be enough for them. Luckily, after a strong talk from them, most of the Council members had finally calmed down and some of them had even seemed to support her. She was glad for that and wouldn't forget to mention it to Arthur.

Thoughts of her husband brought once again worry for Merlin back in the front of her mind and she shivered slightly. She hoped that the trio had safely arrived in Ealdor and that it had helped Merlin to see his mother. She had felt so heartbroken for him. It has been torture to watch him suffer without being able to do anything to help. She sighted again, wishing that life had been less cruel with her friend. Merlin was too much of a gentle soul to deserve to suffer such a loss.

She jumped when she felt a hand land gently on her shoulder.

"Gwen?" Her brother's voice asked cautiously, "What are you doing here?"

"Just thinking." She answered softly, turning to face her brother.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, Elyan. I am as fine as possible." She said and offered him a soft smile, feeling her inside warm at her brother's concern.

"You're worried about them, aren't you?"

Elyan didn't need to name the trio for Gwen to understand whom he was talking about. She smiled again and took a step towards her brother and slowly put her arms around his waist, suddenly needing a bit of brotherly love.

"Of course I am. But I also have faith in Arthur and Gwaine. They will do everything they can for Merlin… But I can't help it… He is one of my oldest friends and seeing him like that… He always was so strong Elyan…" She had to stop talking to take great gulps of air to stop herself from crying.

Elyan sensed her distress and squeezed her against him, caressing her back slowly.

"Don't worry. Merlin will be fine. I'm sure of it." He said and Gwen willed herself to believe him, to share his hopes.

She didn't answer but kept him close, relieved to have a brother to hold her. She hadn't really thought of how lucky she was but she suddenly felt very grateful to have a member of family so close to her.

"I'm glad you're here." She told him quietly and felt him smile.

"I'm glad too, Gwen, I'm glad too."

For a long time, they stayed together locked in a brotherly embrace, each one happy to just be able to be there, together. But, finally, night settled and they had to go back inside the Castle. Reluctant to be alone quite then, Gwen invited her brother and together they shared a meal, talking about everything and nothing, trying to find back a little peace and take their minds from their worries.

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><p>When her new maid came to wake her another two days later, Gwen had to suppress a sigh. She was sure she would never grow accustomed to that. If it depended on her she wouldn't have any personal servant but she also knew that, now she was Queen, she had a public image to maintain and, sadly, having a maid was one step to show that she wasn't one herself anymore. And, besides, her maid, Kate, was a gentle and intelligent girl that had lost father during Morgana's invasion, leaving her and her mother penniless.<p>

She pushed himself up and found her breakfast already waiting for her. Well, she had to admit that, that was quite a good way to wake up. She went to sit down at the table and began eating slowly, savoring the tasteful food, thanking her maid.

When she was finished, she went behind the changing screen and began to change into her day's attire. She heard her maid move around the room, making the bed and cleaning as she went.

"What do you wish to do today, your Highness?" Kate asked in her soft tones.

"There is a Council Meeting this morning I have to attend too and I want to go in the Lower City to overlook the reparations." Gwen told her, getting out, dressed in a blue dress.

"Are you sure it is wise, your Highness? The Council probably won't approve…" The maid said, reddening when she noticed it wasn't her place to give her opinion on things like that.

Gwen, however, just smiled at her, happy that her maid was actually talking to her and not just doing her job like a bootlicker.

"I don't care what the Council things of my doings. People have to know that their well-being is important to me and to the King… I won't need you during the Meeting. You can go home if you like, just come back at midday."

Kate smiled and bowed, leaving the room while Gwen followed, preparing herself to listen, once more, to what Camelot's Lords had to say.

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><p>It was well in the afternoon when Gwen finally made her way back in her Chambers. As planned, she just had spent the last few hours in the Lower Town, speaking to the people and seeing by herself the progress of the rebuilding. As predicted, the Council had not been pleased by the idea, arguing that it wasn't a Queen's work to do such a thing, but the people she had met later had been awed and humbled to see their Queen and had profusely thanked her. Their gratitude had warmed her and she had truly felt she had made the right decision to show them that she was truly concerned by their well-being.<p>

She had only just sat herself at her reading table to go over the day's reports when a knock interrupted her.

"Enter." She called and the door opened, revealing her brother.

"Gwen." He said, his expression unreadable. "Arthur and Gwaine are back. They want to meet us in the King's room."

Gwen nodded and got up. She felt a weight lift from her chest knowing that her husband had finally come home but she couldn't stop the pang of worry at Merlin's absence. What if something had happened during their travel? What if Merlin had decided not to come back at all? Gwen shook her head, there was no need to worry before having seen Arthur.

She followed Elyan's quick pace and in a few minutes they had arrived in front of Arthur's room. Her brother hadn't even time to finish opening the door when she rushed inside. At Arthur's expression she could feel part of her anxiety fade away. He didn't look sad at all so nothing bad had happened. In fact, he looked more hopeful and excited than anything else. She quickly crossed the room and hugged him tightly against her.

"Arthur! I'm so glad you're back!" She told him without releasing him. "But… Where is Merlin?"

Arthur smiled happily down at her and kissed her on the lips.

"Later, Gwen. When the others are here. I'll explain everything."

He answered mystically, leaving Gwen even more curious and only slightly worried.

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><p><strong>So... How did it go? Honestly?<strong>

**Oh and I nearly forgot to answer the reviews I can't answer by MP so : **

**-Sword : Hum... Thank you I suppose. However I don't understand your question about my Beta... (But I repeat that for the moment I Beta myself at the moment so sorry if you find there are still too much mistakes... It saddens me.)**

**-Guest : I am really sorry I made you cry.**

**-Guest: Thank you :D**

**And that's it! Keep the reviews coming! I love them so much! Even more as I am an usure writer!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Hi everyone!**

**On this Merlin day, here is my next chapter!**

**I hope you will like it. It isn't Beta'd and I'm not quite sure about some things I have written but well... Let's hope it isn't half bad...**

**And on that, I'll try to go write a bit, because with all your reviews and PMs I feel quite bad...**

**Oh and thank you all for reading, and taking time to review, and for following the story and me as an author. You can't imagine what it does to my little, fragile heart.**

**Onwards!**

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><p>Chapter 33:<p>

Arthur kept Gwen's hand in his as he led her to the table to wait for Percival, Leon and Gwaine to arrive. Her wife continued to send him intrigued glances, looking as if she was struggling not to ask questions because she knew he wouldn't answer them now.

Fortunately for her, they didn't have to wait long before there was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal the three Knights. Both Percival and Leon looked curious and Gwaine looked very proud of himself. Arthur could only imagine how smug Gwaine felt at being the holder of an information of the importance of the one they were about to share. The King was sure the man had mercilessly teased his two friends on the way there.

Arthur felt both amused at the thought and frightened. Not of the teasing but more of the decision Gwaine and he had made during their journey towards Camelot. Seeing his closest Knights and friends assembled around his table made him feel suddenly anxious. Had they made the right decision in choosing to reveal Merlin's secret to them without the Warlock's consent? Maybe Merlin would be cross with them when coming back? Maybe the others wouldn't react as kindly as Gwaine and he expected? The thought seemed pretty unlikely but still, doubt was hard to kill.

That's why he took his time to quietly observe the five people around him, noticing their part eager, part anxious faces. His eyes stopped on Gwaine and the Knight nodded with a small smile that seemed to say _I know that you are doubting, I am too but this is the right choice _ and it was all what Arthur needed to begin speaking.

"I know that you all have many questions." He began, eying Gwen who blushed lightly. "And I, and Gwaine, will answer them. But first I want you to know that Merlin is alright and that I told him to stay in Ealdor for a few more days."

"Why?" Gwen asked, worry coloring her voice as if she knew something as happened.

"Because he needed it… And because I needed him away from Camelot for a little time." Arthur announced, looking between the shocked expressions of his three Knights and his Queen.

"What for?" She asked, a few seconds later.

"There are some things I have learned about Merlin recently and those things will affect us and Camelot and will force us to change. Those changes cannot be done with him here. I have to do it alone… For once," he added on an afterthought.

"I'm not following you Arthur." Leon said, frowning.

"Before I tell you, I want you to swear you will not talk about what you are about to hear to anyone outside this room. This is of the utmost importance."

The Knights looked at each other then at their King curiously but, immediately swore and Arthur nodded his gratitude.

"Fine. I'm going to ask you to keep an open mind and to wait before judging Merlin and to know that whatever he has done he has my complete trust." Arthur began, then stopped, looking for the right words. He hadn't expecting that to be so hard to say. "I also want you to know that I am sure that Merlin would have told you himself but I don't think he can at the moment. All this is very hard for him and… Well… We thought, with Gwaine, that it would be easier for him if we told you."

"Arthur, what are you trying to say?" Gwen interrupted his pointless rant, squeezing his hand.

Arthur opened his mouth, but closed it again, finding it very hard to say the words he never ever imagined he would have to say. It was after all only a couple days he knew about Merlin's magic and may still be a little under shock.

"What the Princess is trying to say here is that Merlin has magic." Gwaine intervened in a teasing but serious voice that told everyone around the table he wasn't joking.

Gwen gasped loudly, her hands getting on her mouth. Leon stared at Gwaine looking at a loss of how to react but the betrayed expression on his face unmistakable. Elyan's eyes widened quite comically but the only one who didn't seem as surprised was Percival. He just nodded, his face calm if not smiling slightly.

"Lancelot told me he was special, that he was the bravest of us all." He spoke quietly, breaking the five minutes long silence that had settled on the stupefied group. "I didn't realize how true that was until now... I probably should have guessed."

Arthur smiled at him, happy that, at least, one of the three seemed to be taking the news alright. He turned towards Elyan and the Knight shook out of his stupor.

"Well…" he began hesitantly. "I suppose I wasn't expecting that but… I know Merlin is a good man so I trust him."

Arthur nodded at him, feeling warmth spread through him on Merlin's behalf, and turned towards Gwen who looked at him with tearful eyes. He took her hands in his as she spoke in a low and slightly quivering voice.

"Merlin… Magic… How? And why didn't he tell us? We… We are his friends. I am his friend… It must have been so hard for him…"

Arthur smiled lightly. Of course, Gwen would worry about Merlin and feel guilty she hadn't been there to help him.

"I can't talk on his behalf but… I think he didn't want you to worry or scare you. I think he was afraid _you_ would be scared of him and think differently of him. He knew magic had caused suffering to you, both because of Morgana and the death of your father and I think he didn't want you to relive all that. I think that, in a way, he was afraid, and maybe still is, that he will one day turn like Morgana and he didn't want to hurt you more than it would, should it happen."

"But he would never!" she exclaimed and Arthur couldn't stop his smile.

"I know. But he doesn't. Or maybe he does but he doesn't let himself believe it." Arthur said and hesitated. "He told me some things he had to do in order to protect me, to protect the whole of Camelot. And some of those things hadn't been nice or easy. But I trust him not to turn bad and I hope that that and your help will make him believe that he has nothing to fear. And, in order to do that, I want to revise the ban on magic. I see know that many innocent people have probably suffered because of my father's laws and I want it to stop." He announced and he was glad to see the answering smiles on his Knights' faces. Gwen smiled too, even if she still looked shaken.

For a long moment, no one said anything as all considered their King's words. Arthur wasn't so worry anymore… Except for the reaction of the last person that hadn't said anything.

"Sir Leon," he finally asked. "What do you think?"

The Knight thought for a long time, eyes lost.

"Well… I won't deny it's quite a shock and hard to believe… But I trust your judgment my lord. If you tell me we can trust Merlin than I will. As for the revision of the laws it is indeed the only sound thing to do but I doubt the Council will like that."

"I know. I'll deal with them." He said in his most kingly voice.

"But Arthur… I don't understand… Surely Merlin would have been a useful help for the revision of the law… Why did you say you wanted him away then?" Elyan asked and the other nodded, showing they were all thinking the same question.

"It's simple." The King answered. "Firstly, I want Merlin to take some time to rest and grieve properly with his Mother. I want him to be able to think of himself and not us for once. And secondly, he knows nothing of my intentions and I don't want him to freak out about that for the moment. All he has ever known is to hide because of the law and I feel that it could be hard for him to change that habit too suddenly. And more of that, I know the debates in the Court are going to be animated and I don't want him to once more hear all the hatred against magic my father had ingrained in the lord's mind. He certainly had and will hear enough of that. And to be honest, I think Merlin deserve a good little surprise when he comes back, don't you?"

The four Knights and Gwen all smiled slightly, looking proud of him.

"I still can't really believe it," Gwen said after a minute. "Our Merlin…. Having magic, and hiding it so well for years!"

"Yes and you don't know all he has done." Arthur answered pensively, thinking back at all that his friend had told him in Ealdor. He saw the questioning glances of the other people around the table and shook his head. "Don't ask me. That I won't tell you. I'm sure Merlin will tell you his life story when he is ready."

Their faces fell but Arthur just smiled at them.

"Then what are you going to do about Merlin? Surely you can't keep a powerful Sorcerer like him as your manservant." Gwaine asked teasingly.

"I could." Arthur said mockingly serious. "But I won't. That is the second thing I wanted to discuss with you. As much as I would like to make Merlin Camelot's official Court Sorcerer, I don't think it would be wise. For the moment, we are the only one to know about Merlin and his magic, which means that we have a huge advantage on our enemies, and especially in the magical community. I would like to keep it that way for as long as possible. But still, I would like to offer Merlin the freedom to share his magical knowledge with us and to speak freely and without fear. That's why I was thinking on making him Royal Adviser on Magical Affairs."

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><p><strong>So, how was this? Realist? I'm note quite sure about that... I'd love to hear your thoughts. And, well, I'd like to know what made you follow this fic. Because I receive so many follow alert and I can't quite understand that... I know it probably sounds weird but it's true. Really. (you can call me a paranoid freak :) )<strong>

**Thanks to Lady Willamina for the new title of Merlin ;). **

**Until next time !**

**Oh and little rant you can ignore if you like but I have to talk about that somewhere so... Those days I see more and more about the NaNoWriMo thing and fanfiction writers being published and it kind of makes me wonder if one day I could do that too but at the same time my brain keeps telling me to stop being stupid because obviously I'm not a real writer and even less in a language that isn't my native one. But it keeps bugging me. As I said silly. Feel free to ignore that :D**


	34. Chapter 34

**Good night/afternoon/morning!**

**I hope you are all well. Here is my new chapter! Not much action there but I still hope you will like it. I have less and less reviews these days so I must admit I'm begining to worry slightly...**

**Anyway, just so you know, I'm currently writing chapter 38 buuut my life is about to become absolutly hectic with little time to write on week ends so it may be possible updates will slow down (unless plot bunnies attack or awsome comments). I don't say this is going to happen but its just so you don't worry. (in case anyone would worry)**

**Anyway, enough talking I think (maybe you should tell me to shut up one day... I may ramble a little too much).**

**On with the chapter!**

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><p>Chapter 34:<p>

Leon couldn't stop the exclamation of surprise that passed his lips after Arthur had told them of his idea to make Merlin Royal Adviser. He still wasn't quite sure what to feel about all this and a headache was beginning to make itself know at the back of his skull. What he had told the King was the truth: he trusted him and his judgment and so he will trust Merlin, yet it was hard to stop the feeling of betrayal and the almost instinctual reaction of hostility towards magic. The training he had received as a Knight made his hand hitch to somehow get rid of the menace of a powerful Sorcerer but his heart knew that Merlin was a good man and would never hurt them or Camelot. And logic told him that if he had wanted there would have been more than enough time when he could have without even being suspected.

To be honest with himself, Leon also should admit that there has been times under Uther's command when he had disagree with the King's views on magic. Somewhere in his heart he had always doubted that all Sorcerers were evil. But training and fear of the King's ire had made a good job to hide those feelings. But now, with Arthur's tell, he could finally let those doubts surface and become more. He still was a bit nervous and doubtful but he was willing to listen and to support his King and friend's decision.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the voice of Arthur.

"Leon, what do you think?"

"I agree with you Sire. Merlin's powers could indeed be a powerful ally and we should keep it secret." He said and couldn't miss the relieved expression on the young King's face.

"Good. That's settled then. I'll call for a Council meeting tomorrow. Leon, I expect you there."

Leon nodded, understanding the wish of the King to have at least one ally in the room. The King then dismissed them and all four Knights made their way to the door, leaving the King and Queen alone. They had just crossed the threshold of Arthur's door when Gwaine announced in a cheery voice that he was going to celebrate that in the Tavern and that they were all invited to follow. Leon wanted to point out that nothing was official yet and that the Council could very well refuse to change the law but hadn't the heart to it so he just declined the invitation and went towards his Chambers.

He thought he would be alone for a time in order to organize his thoughts and calm his headache but it was without counting on Percival stubbornness.

"You look a bit quiet Leon." The Knight called after him a corridor later. Leon stopped and waited for the other man to catch up.

"It's nothing. Just a bit of a headache." He answered, hoping Percival would just go to the Tavern with the others.

"You know, I suppose it's quite hard for you to accept Merlin but… You're doing the right choice."

"I know." Leon said after a few minutes of shocked silence at the other Knight's true perception. "It's just a bit hard to go against years of training. But I'll be alright."

Percival just nodded and went away, leaving a stunned Leon behind. He shook his head and went in his chambers.

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><p>The next morning, Leon woke up early. He took his breakfast before a squire helped him put on his chainmail and Camelot's red cloak. After that, he made his way towards the Council Chambers, feeling slightly anxious. He couldn't imagine how Arthur would feel. When he arrived there, the table was already half full with nobles quietly discussing between themselves, wondering about the meeting's theme. Leon took his seat at the right, not too far from the King and Queen.<p>

They waited for some more minutes with nobles arriving and then Arthur and Gwen arrived, making everyone go up again. The Royal couple made their way to their places and sat down, gesturing for the other's to do the same. Leon could see that Arthur was nervous but he was hiding it well and he felt strangely proud of the young man.

"My lords," the King began once everyone was settled and he was sure to have their attention. "I have asked you to come all here today because I have taken a very important decision that I want to discuss with you… Recently, a lot of things had happened that had made me thought about the laws of my father. And especially the law regarding magic. I've come to realize that maybe it was them that had created the hatred that is causing Sorcerers to attack Camelot again and again... That's why I wish to revise the ban on magic. I wish that Sorcerers would be judged on their actions and not on the simple fact that they possess a power we can't understand."

Just as Arthur had predicted the night before, the Council erupted in a fit of cries of indignation and exclamations of "_Magic is evil_", "_Are you insane?_" or other insults far less polite. Leon was finally also glad that Merlin wasn't there to hear and see that. Glancing at Arthur, Leon could see that the King was doing his best not to look too exasperated. He let the Lords rant for some time before raising a hand.

"Please, calm down." He exclaimed in a loud voice. "I know what you think. And I am not denying that sometimes magic can be dangerous and a force of evil. But I have also noticed that he doesn't necessarily have to be that way. I'm sure we only see the bad side of it because we don't let the good side of magic go near us. Imagine how many lives could be saved if we had magical healers! Imagine how easier it would be to defend our homes and our families with the help of magic! It is nothing short of miraculous that we have managed to survive this long against all sorts of magical threats without magic at our sides! And I don't wish for it to continue like that. I would like to leave the opportunity to those who wished to help us to do so."

"That is non-sense!" One of the Council members exclaimed, getting up angrily while many other seemed to think over what Arthur just said. "Have you not listened to anything your Father tried to teach you? Magic is evil and corrupts! It's like a plague! If we let it enter our walls the city will crumble!"

"I know very well my Father's views on magic. Yet how do you explain that before my birth Sorcerers were allowed to practice their skill yet the City flourished? Had it been better after the Great Purge?" Arthur answered calmly, looking straight in the Lord's eyes. "I know it is hard for you to accept this change but I want you to open your mind. I think we should let ourselves some time to think over it and reassemble again tomorrow at the same time."

Some Lords looked as if they were about to object but decided against it and nodded. Arthur dismissed them and Leon stayed to watch the nobles fill out the room.

"Well, that didn't go too badly." Arthur sighted was the door was closed again.

"Indeed." Leon said and bowed before leaving the room.

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><p>The meeting the next day was pretty much the same, except that Arthur let all the nobles express their thoughts on the future changes of the law. Quite surprisingly, many of them were in favor of it and were willing to trust their King, a few others were still indecisive and the last part was against it, claiming it crazy to go against Uther's believes like that.<p>

Despite that, Arthur continued to keep a calm demeanour, answering each and every contradiction with a valid argument and little by little Leon could see the last uncertain Lords make their choices in favor of the King's proposition.

After a very long session, Arthur finally proposed to vote and, after a few tense seconds, a majority of the hands rose in favor of changing the law.

"Thank you for your trust." Arthur said with a pleased smile. "I will immediately begin to write down the new laws and a public announcement shall be made shortly after."

The nobles bowed to him and the Queen as they got up and left the room.

Leon stayed for a minute, observing the other Lords then, after sending a proud smile at Arthur, left the room. He had promised the other Knights to tell them what would happen during the Meeting and Leon could deny that he was excited to announce to them that the changes had been accepted.

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><p><strong>So, how was it? Not much action huh? I hope it is a bit credible...<strong>

**Oh and minute self promotion... I just want to mention I've began sort of a one shots collection. I know some of you are already there but if you're interested... I take prompts too.**

**Until next time then!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Hi dear readers!**

**Here is my new chapter! It was pretty hard to write as I had to imagine a King's proclamation...**

**As a side note, I just want to say that I am very sad about Merlin ending but, somehow I have come to terms to it. I think I'm even more sad because I've discovered the show for a bit less than 2 years ago so I feel I had missed so many things... Anyway, I just hope it will continue to live through the work of all those fabulous fanfictions writers... One thing is certain however, this show has changed my life, if only by allowing me to write a story so popular as this one which is encouraging me to write more and more.**

**That's it on the subject, I will try to update next week but no promises. I have a mariage coming up (not mine, ****_obviously_****)**

**Anyway, thanks for reading, reviewing, favouriting or just following!**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 35:<p>

Gwen waited until they were safely in Arthur's room before coming next to him and squeezing him tightly against her, both of them finally letting go of the tension that had build during the two last days. Those two last Council Meetings had been the worst she had ever seen but she was glad of the outcome of it. By the way Arthur answered to her embrace she could just tell that the same went for him, if not more. After all, he knew more than anyone what really was at stake. And that was their best friend's life and happiness. He hadn't told her much more than what he had said during the meeting with the Knights, but by the way he would sometimes look out of the window with a subdued expression she could guess that whatever Merlin had told him had profoundly changed the King and his way to see things. She despairingly wanted to ask him more question but she also knew that she shouldn't. He was right in saying that it was Merlin's story to tell.

After long minutes, she let go of Arthur and took hold of his hands.

"I'm so proud of you, Arthur." She said softly, making him smile happily.

"Thank you. I just hope it is enough…"

"I'm sure Merlin will be very happy." She reassured him.

Arthur nodded, his gaze wandering towards the window once more, as if he could see his friend from so far away.

"I should go." He said finally. "There is still plenty of work to do."

Gwen smiled and kissed him slightly on the lips before pushing him towards the door. He laughed softly and complied, leaving Gwen alone.

She sat herself next to the window and looked outside, observing the Courtyard below. Servants were running back and forth, completing their chores and she nearly expected the black haired head of Merlin to appear. She sighed softly, trying and failing to stop worry for the former Servant to curl in her stomach. Knowing he was well thanks to Arthur's saying wasn't the same as actually seeing him well with her own eyes. She wished she could just go to Ealdor to see him but knew it wasn't possible, so she just resigned herself to waiting.

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><p>It was a long time after the sun had sunken behind the hills that Arthur came back and Gwen was already lying in their bed, reading a book to distract herself from her anxious thoughts. Looking up at him she was pleased to see a tired yet happy looking Arthur smiling at her.<p>

"Sorry I've been so long." He apologized while going behind the screen to change in his sleeping clothes.

"How did it go?" She asked, closing her book and setting it aside.

"Pretty well. I think we may have nearly finished the new law. I hope it is fair. It will still have to be looked over by the Council but hopefully they won't find any major flaws in it."

He made his way towards the bed and climbed in next to her.

"I'm sure they won't." Gwen reassured, bringing her arms around him and snuggling in his warmth.

She let silence fall for a long time as Arthur absent-mindedly caressed her hair.

"When do you think Merlin will be back?" She asked finally.

Arthur's hand stilled for a few seconds before resuming his slow movements.

"I don't know." He answered. "Soon I guess. Maybe I should send some Knights to escort him?"

"I don't think it will be necessary. If he is as powerful as you said he is he can certainly take care of himself."

"Yeah… You're right." Arthur said but Gwen could feel his worry.

"But you're still worried."

"Yes… Yes, I am." He sighted.

Gwen tightened her hold of him, conveying her support and shared feelings. Arthur responded by lightly kissing her hair.

"We better sleep. Tomorrow is going to be another long day."

"Good night Arthur."

"Good night Gwen."

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><p>Five days later, Gwen stood on the Balcony overlooking Camelot's Courtyard, looking regal in a deep green robe. She felt pretty uneasy under the scrutiny of the - her - people. Stealing a glance at Arthur next to her, she could see he was even more anxious and stressed than her. Of course, it wasn't obviously displayed for all to see but she knew her husband well enough to see the little signs. As if sensing her glance, he turned slightly towards her and caught her eyes. She smiled to him and tried to show him her entire support without words. It seemed to work well enough as he straightened his back and nodded once before taking a step forward to face his people.<p>

Immediately, the conversations going on in the Courtyards ceased as everybody looked up at their young King. Arthur took a deep breath and Gwen saw him clenching and unclenching his fists to get rid of his nervousness.

"People of Camelot," he then began in his powerful Kingly voice and Gwen found herself beginning to feel anxious about the reception of the announce Arthur was about to make. "If I have assembled you today is because I have a great announcement to make."

For a few seconds, Arthur let the rumor of anticipation fill the air again before raising his right hand.

"For twenty long years, my father had taught us that magic is evil and that you should fear it. And to protect us, he had established laws that where hard on all magic users. I don't deny that for some of them, those laws are necessary but I have also learned that an important part of the magical community are people that are no more evil than you and me."

This proclamation brought a wave of surprised and rebellious exclamations to Gwen's ears as some people in the Courtyard began disagreeing with the King's statement. Gwen shivered and took a deep breath to calm herself. Arthur had been expecting it and had told her to prepare herself for those kind of reactions.

"I know what you think!" Arthur interrupted with a strong and loud voice. "All you have ever seen are magical users who wanted to hurt you or your family, like Morgana. But that is only one side of a coin. The bad one. There also are magical users who just want to help! Healers or fighters who fight for what is good and just! I know it is hard to imagine it! But I have met them!... One day, one of my oldest friend told me that contained within this great kingdom is a rich variety of people with a range of different beliefs and that there are many more who believe in the world I am trying to create. This includes people with magic. And I want to give them a chance to help me build a new, safer and happier world for us all. That's why I have decided to change the law concerning magic. And it begins by repelling the ban on magic. From now on, people with magic will be allowed to use it and are welcome in Camelot. And I ask you to keep an open mind and to let them show you the good in magic. From now on, magical people will be punished only for their real faults like any other people!"

Arthur closed his mouth and looked over the people assembled beneath him, trying to gauge their reaction. For one long minute, everybody stayed silent but then, one voice made itself heard.

"Long live the King!" It cried and soon the all Courtyard was repeating the cry.

Gwen took a step forward and took her husband's hand in her, squeezing it tightly while trying not to cry from happiness at the good reaction of the people. She didn't, however, hold back her smile when Arthur looked at her, smiling too.

They stayed on the Balcony even as the people began to fill out of the Courtyard, getting back to their live. And when there was nearly no one left, Gwen saw him. The one they had been waiting for nearly two weeks.

"Arthur!" she breathed excitedly. "Look!"

She pointed towards the corner of the square where a familiar mop of black hair could be seen, its owner looking shock still.

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><p><strong>So, a little word for me? Even if it is just to let me now you won't abandon me once the show is finished ('cause honestly, I'm very worried about that)<strong>

**[Oh and I just want to say that I believe reveal will be tomorrow. I don't think I'm ready (well, even if there isn't I am NOT ready for tomorrow's episode]**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hi guys!**

**So, here is my update! One day early than what was scheduled. **

**Two reasons for that :**

**One, as I may have mentionned, I'll not be home this week end (because of a wedding 3). So that means I won't be able to watch Merlin (nor the french diffusion of Once Upon A Time) which is kind of despering me. So, I'll just tell you know I love you, be brave, because I fear this episode. I really can't wait to see it!**

**Two, my muse came back and you probably have CarolinaEirasSa to thank for that because her words went straight to my heart and triggered her.**

**I also want to thank you all for reading and reviewing. Especially last time. Thanks to all the guest I couldn't respond too. That is so frustrating!**

**Anyway, here is the chapter most of you were waiting for! I hope it will live up your expectations. I'm not quite sure thought... Let me know will you ?**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 36:<p>

When Merlin woke up on the seventh day of his stay in Ealdor, he felt ready to go back to Camelot. He didn't really know why but he felt as if he should really go back. Even if his time with his Mother had been great and he was very glad for it, he felt it was the time for him to go back to his home. And he had learned to trust those kinds of funny feelings.

He pushed himself up and began preparing breakfast as her mother woke up. He smiled at her and hugged her tightly.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" she asked as she sat down at the table, her voice nothing but comprehensive.

"Yes… Yes… I can't continue to hide here, can I?" Merlin answered, feeling almost as if he wanted to change his mind and stay.

"Indeed not." Hunith answered and took hold of his hand. "I was glad to have you back for a while but you have a life and a destiny in Camelot. I am proud of you Merlin. Never forget that okay?"

"Yes Mother, I promise." Merlin swore and her Mother squeezed his fingers before letting go to eat her breakfast.

After they had eaten, Merlin packed his pack, feeling partly excited and partly sad at leaving his mother and getting back to Camelot. He was quickly finished and, too soon, came the time to say goodbye to Hunith. She went to him, her eyes shining with tears and he took her tightly in his arms, feeling like he was back seven years ago, when he first left his small village.

"I'm going to miss you, Mother." He said, his face hidden in her neck.

"Me too, my dear son, me too. But you know you can come back whenever you want. And I expect you writing me more often, right?" She answered and Merlin could catch the hidden meaning of it. No more hiding important information to her.

"Yes Mother. I promise."

"Good. Come on, you'd better get going then… Before I change my mind and decide to keep you here."

Merlin smiled at her joke even if he couldn't stop tears to fill his eyes. His mother saw it and put a hand on his cheek.

"Don't worry Merlin. Everything will be fine."

Merlin nodded and hugged her quickly a last time before making his way out, shouldering his pack. He addressed a last wave at his mother before definitively leaving the small town.

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><p>For the rest of the day, he walked along the well-known path leading towards Camelot. He was in no rush so he didn't walk too fast and took the time to take in his surroundings, enjoying the peace of the forest and the smell of the trees and flowers around him. He remembered the first time he had done this travel, when he was just a young boy excited to go to a huge and unknown city to meet an also unknown old man. His thoughts drifted towards Gaius. Their first encounter when he saved him using instinctual magic and how he had been slightly scared of the old man. He smiled longingly, almost wishing he could go back to being that young innocent boy. Thinking of his old mentor was becoming less and less painful now. He wouldn't say the burning and paralyzing pain had gone away just now but it was beginning to be easier and easier to cope with it. His Mother had helped with it, spending long hours to convince him that Gaius' death hadn't been his fault. It had worked. More or less. Now it was just another regrets of his long list. But he had understood that he couldn't continue to let the guilt eat him because he had a destiny to fulfill and people that were counting on him and caring for him. And he couldn't let them fall. He had hurt them enough and he just hoped they would forgive him for being such a blind idiot and ignore their concern for him.<p>

As the day went out, Merlin enjoyed reminiscing about Gaius and his other friends in Camelot and when sunset arrived he made camp near a stream, surrounded by trees. He light up a little fire with his magic and lie himself down next to it after eating some bread, observing the stars above him.

In no time, he was soundly asleep.

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><p>The next morning he woke to the peaceful singing of birds and the first ray of sun. He felt energized and he didn't lose time to get up, eat a breakfast and gather his pack. He was pretty near Camelot and knew if he pressed himself a bit he would be able to reach the castle within the next hours, probably early in the afternoon. So that's what he did. He walked and walked and walked and a few hours later he saw the white Castle shining in the morning sunlight. He smiled and pressed on, reaching the Lower Town gates only a few minutes later. The Guards there nodded to him as he passed them but said nothing more. He made his way in the Lower Town and was surprised to find it pretty much abandoned. Usually by this time of the day it should be bustling with activity with merchants trying to sale their production or servant running to do chores but today there was no one on the streets. Merlin was intrigued and slightly worried but he decided to wait until he got to the Castle before letting real panic set in.<p>

He quickly made his way to the Castle's gates and found himself staring at an immense crowd with everyone looking up towards the Balcony. Merlin advanced towards them, founding a shadowed corner of the Courtyard and waited. He was oddly remembered of the first time he crossed the Castle's gates to assist to a Sorcerer execution. He shook his head and followed their eyesight. As expected, on the Balcony stood Arthur and Gwen looking just as regal as they should as King and Queen of the mighty Camelot. Merlin smiled slightly, happy to see his friends and glad to see them well. He noticed however that the couple looked a bit anxious, which could be explained by the fact that they had only made a couple of speech on this Balcony. But Merlin couldn't help but think there was something else going on and he felt his stomach clench in worry.

He was so busy trying to guess what made Arthur looked so nervous that he nearly didn't noticed when the King actually took a step forward and began to speak. It was the silence around him that made him looked up too. It took him only one sentence to understand what Arthur was doing and he froze in shock.

"What is the King doing? Of course magical users are evil! They are nothing but monster." A man said next to Merlin to his companion who nodded in agreement.

Merlin took a step back feeling hurt and tried his best to blend in the shadows of the corner and only years of training allowed him to keep an expression of spooked rabbit out of his face. The silence fall once more as Arthur continued to speak and Merlin listened apprehensively. Surely Arthur wouldn't reveal his secret to the whole of Camelot?

He recognized the words Arthur used as Gauis' and couldn't help but feel his heart clench painfully in his chest. He barely could believe what he was hearing. Was Arthur really changing the law on magic? A little part of his mind told him that this must be just a sick joke but in his heart in knew it was the truth and, when people began praising their King in approval, the tears that well up his eyes weren't ones of sadness this time but of pure and utter joy.

The shock over what had just happened before his eyes kept him in place even when the town's people began to fill out the Courtyard and that he was nearly alone. His mind couldn't quite catch up to what Arthur's words had changed in his life and the lives of his kind. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

When he opened his eyes again it was to see Gwaine running towards him with a huge smile on his face and shining eyes. He had no time to prepare himself before the Knight took him in a huge hug. Merlin felt a laugh bubble inside of him and he let it go. Tears began streaming down his face but he didn't care because he suddenly felt freer than he had ever felt. It felt as if he could breathe a bit more deeply now that a weight he had never noticed before was lifted from his shoulders.

Seconds or minutes later, Merlin couldn't really tell, he heard his name being called and saw Gwen running toward him in her green robe. The Warlock addressed her a huge but slightly watery smile before letting himself be hugged for a second time this day.

"Oh Merlin!" She said in his ear. "I'm so happy you're back! I'm so sorry I hadn't understood before! I could have helped you! I'm sorry really."

Merlin took a step back, not surprised that Gwen had, somehow, learned about his magic.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for Gwen. I should, because I hadn't told you. I promise it isn't because I didn't trust you." He hurried to explain before she interrupted him. "I just didn't want to put that weight on you. I didn't want you to think any differently of me."

"Merlin… I never would." She just sighted before hugging him again. "You have a lot to tell me now, thought." She added after she released him.

"Of course." Merlin answered before turning towards Arthur, looking suddenly shy and unsure. "What you've done here Arthur… I didn't expect it… You didn't have to, really… I…"

"I wanted to, Merlin." Arthur interrupted him in a strong voice. "What I said was true. You made me realize that I was blind for all my life. I couldn't continue to ignore the fact that people were suffering because of my father's hatred and fear. I am sure you and your kind can bring a lot to this Kingdome."

Merlin ducked his head in a bow that Arthur had never seen and felt he didn't deserve. He shook his head and took a step closer to Merlin.

"Well, I say that but you will still be an idiot most of the time. I just hope your friends will be better than you."

Merlin laughed, looking up to meet the King's eyes and, without words he managed to express the gratitude he was feeling. Arthur smiled at him and nodded in answer before draping an arm on his skinny shoulders.

"Come on! I'm sure you're hungry and I think they are people who want to talk to you."

Merlin froze a bit, afraid to comprehend what his friend was saying.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You'll see." Arthur answered cryptically while turning towards the stairs, where Elyan, Leon and Percival where waiting with smile on their faces.

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><p><strong>So? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know!<strong>

**Oh and I'm also looking for prompts for What Could Have Been ;).**

**Until next time !**


	37. Chapter 37

**Hi everyone!**

**Here is my new chapter. I suppose this is where you are all going to hate me because once again, we go (a little) back in time and because this probably isn't what you were expecting... I hope it will not disapoint you too much!**

**Thanks very much for your followings/favoritings/reviewings!**

**Onward!**

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><p>Chapter 37:<p>

"I'm definitively glad Merlin wasn't at that Council Cession." Leon said as he sat down beside Gwaine to eat his lunch.

"Why?" Elyan asked before taking another mouthful of porridge.

"It went awful. When Arthur announced he wanted to repel the ban, the whole Council went into uproar. Nearly each Lord added his hateful comment on magic users. I couldn't even repeat their words. I was expected them to reject the idea but not to be so vehement. I had a hard time keeping my calm. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for Arthur. It's a miracle he managed to." Leon explained and Percival shook his head sadly.

He also had expected that the Council lord wouldn't take the news of a change in the law well but he had forgotten that, in Camelot, the hate against anything magic was so strong. Back in his own little village, a lifetime ago, he remembered that, even if they weren't numerous, there had been a few magic users and it hadn't meant anything to anyone. It was just the way it was. He remembered the shock he had felt the first time he had heard of how it was in Camelot. He had never been able to understand why magic was so feared. For him, magical users were nothing more and nothing less than humans, with a skill he didn't have.

"Those Lords are stupid toads." Gwaine said angrily, frowning at his plate as if it has offended him. "If they knew how much Merlin had done for them, they wouldn't say that! I bet they wouldn't even be alive without him."

"Probably, but as it is, they don't know. And I tend to say it's a good thing." Leon agreed, picking Percival's curiosity.

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm worried about how they're going to react to that news. What if they think Merlin enchanted Arthur? What if their hate pushes them to some… Unwise acts?"

"You don't think they would do something harsh?" Elyan asked in a breath, looking scared.

"I don't know. But some of the Lords in there were really heinous…" Leon answered hesitantly.

"If one of them so much as look threatendely at Merlin they will have me to answer too." Gwaine declared solemnly and unsurprisingly for Percival who couldn't help but agree wholeheartedly.

"Let's hope it doesn't go as far." Leon concluded wisely, before finishing his plate.

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><p>Later that night, Percival found himself lying wide awake on his bed, staring at his darkening ceiling. Unbidden, his thoughts turned back towards one of his conversations with Lancelot. It had been not long after they had met and they were still discovering each other's life stories. The other man had talked a bit about the first time in Camelot and had told Percival about a young man that he had encountered there. Lancelot had said it was one of the most courageous and loyal person he ever met and Percival understood only now how true this was. Of course, when he had first met Merlin, he had seen a glimpse of how courageous and loyal the young man could be but he hadn't been able to grasp just how deep this loyalty could go. Because, who can live in a Kingdom where you would be burn at the stake if you ever show who you truly are and still go on with your life with a smile and an optimism like no one else?<p>

This revelation made Percival admire Merlin even more. It also made him look back on the nearly two years he had spent in Camelot and, he had to admit that, in retrospective, he should have known, or, at least, suspected. Because, really, there had been too many times they shouldn't have come back alive and yet had. And what about Merlin always coming out without even a bruise from all those battles and encounters with bandits?

Percival almost laughed out loud at their shared obliviousness. But then, his smile dropped when he realized all that could have been different if they hadn't all been so blind. Merlin's magic surely could have helped them out of many tight situations in a blink of an eye. Maybe Merlin could even have stopped Agravaine before Morgana took the Throne of Camelot. Maybe, if they had known, he could have saved his mentor. Percival sighted. One sure was certain, now Percival would do everything in his power to support and protect their young and secret Sorcerer.

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><p>It was almost a week later that Percival and the whole of Camelot were finally asked to come in the Courtyard by their King. Percival could almost feel the anticipation and curiosity of the crowd and felt oddly excited at the fact that he knew what their King was going to say. He watched as conversations made their way along the people and smiled. Noticing Elyan and Leon standing in a corner of the Courtyard, he went to join them.<p>

"Arthur look a bit stressed, doesn't he?" Percival asked in a joyous tone when the King and Queen made their way on the Balcony overlooking the Courtyard.

"Yeah. But it was expected." Elyan answered, making Leon smile fondly.

After that, silence quickly fell on the people as Arthur began to talk. Percival listened to him with pride swelling in his heart but he also kept his eyes on the people around him, trying to gauge their reactions. It was all pretty mixed with some people looking doubtful, some pretty happy and some clearly rebellious. But as Arthur continued to speak, more and more people seemed to accept his words, making Percival feel more and more relaxed.

At the end of Arthur's speech he wholeheartedly joined the "Long Live The King!" that echoed through the vast space and he felt himself grin happily, his thoughts going to Merlin, wishing he was here.

When the people began filling out the Courtyard, the three Knights made their way towards the Castle but suddenly Gwaine froze, his gaze fixed on a point at the opposite side of the square place. Percival also stopped, trying to ask what the matter was but Gwaine was already running towards the shadowy place. The Knight was confused but he suddenly felt his grin widen when he recognized the person his friend was now hugging tightly.

"Merlin looks like a startled rabbit, doesn't he?" Leon said with a smile.

Percival let out a bark of laugh. "Yeah. Well, I suppose we all would look like that if Gwaine appeared out of nowhere to hug us."

Leon nodded and they both watched from afar as their Queen and King also made their way towards Gwaine and Merlin. They talked for a bit and Gwen hugged Merlin tightly. Percival felt happiness spread through him as he watched the group interact and the smile on Merlin face. He was surprised when he saw the young man bow to his King, looking grateful.

"Well, that's a new one." Leon said and Percival turned to see him smile brightly.

"I guess Merlin will never stop surprising us." Percival acknowledged.

They turned their attention back to the group in the Courtyard and saw them walking towards them with a happy smile on their face.

When they were near enough, Percival saw Merlin's smile flatter a bit as he seemed to suddenly become anxious about their reactions. The Knight sent him a grin and took a step forward to greet him.

"Merlin, I'm glad to see you back." He said, hugging him quickly.

"Well I'm glad to be back." The young Servant answered after Leon and Elyan hugged him too. "I want to apologize though… For making you worry about me and… Well… For not telling you myself…"

"There's nothing to apologize for Merlin. We are just glad you're alright now."

Merlin nodded, looking very grateful for their acceptance and followed the King and Queen that had already entered the Castle.

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><p><strong>So... A little review to tell me if I had surprised you? If you'd liked this little insight on Percival's mind? <strong>


	38. Chapter 38

**Good evening/day everyone!**

**So, here is finally the chapter everyone seemed to be waiting for! I am particulary proud of it and I caaaan't wait to have your feedback on it! (and by the way I was absolutly amazed by all the reviews I got for last chapter! I didn't thought Percival was so popular!)**

**On a side note, I also want to wish you in advence a Merry, Merry Christmas! I wish you all the best and wonderful presents! I hope that maybe I'll be able to post something before Tuesday. Can't promise but maybe...**

**Oh and, to conclude, I'm absolutly not ready for Merlin tomorrow, I'm scared to death for it! Oh god.**

**Anyway, ENJOY!**

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><p>Chapter 38:<p>

Merlin let himself be led through the Castle halls by Arthur and Gwen with Gwaine at his sides and the other Knights closing the walk. He felt oddly awkward at being back. His emotions were a bit in disarray and he didn't know anymore if he was happy at being back with magic finally free in Camelot or sad at all the memories that kept trying to steal his attention. That was why he was pretty glad to just follow the movement. He let his mind wander. He couldn't really believe that Arthur had finally released the ban on magic and that he was now free. For so long it had seemed like an unbelievable dream. Something vague and fuzzy that kept him getting up in the morning when things began being a little too much. But here it was true and he was at a loss of how to react to that.

During their way towards what Merlin guessed would be Arthur's Chambers they kept passing near people whispering to each other, presumably about Arthur's proclamation. However, they would stop talking as soon as they caught glimpse of their King and just bow deeply. Some of them stared a bit at Merlin, making him uncomfortable but other than that they said nothing more until the group was out of earshot. It frustrated Merlin. He wanted to know what the nobles were thinking about the King's decision. He knew things couldn't be so well that all the nobles accepted that new law so easily. He just wanted to have a feel at how many exactly were against it. Just to know how many he will have to convince magic wasn't evil.

When they finally arrived in Arthur's Chambers Merlin was surprised to see that lunch had already been served for all of them and he smiled softly.

"I suppose Georges was replacing me."

"Indeed." Arthur said, sitting down and invited them to do the same. "Beneath all the dullness and the brass jokes he is a very capable manservant."

Merlin laughed as he helped himself with a fair share of the food on the table, noticing just how hungry he was. "Well, luckily, now I'm back you won't have to put up with him anymore." He said jokingly, without noticing how everyone stopped moving at his comment.

It took him a few minutes but then he noticed how everyone was watching between him and Arthur.

"What?" He asked around a mouthful of sausages.

"Well…" Arthur began before interrupting himself and clearing his throat. "About that…"

Merlin began to worry at Arthur's anxious expression.

"What, Arthur?" He asked nervously, putting his fork down. "What?" He repeated to the others as Arthur seemed to only be able to gape.

The others, however, just smiled unhelpfully while watching their King struggling with an answer.

"You haven't fired me, have you?" Merlin questioned hurtfully.

"No! Not at all!" Arthur cried out. "Of course not! It is just…"

"Yes?"

"I kind of redefined your job description…" The King provided mysteriously for his friend

"Meaning?" Merlin asked, worried that he will be forever affected at something like… Mucking out the stables.

"Well, I couldn't keep you as my manservant now that I know that you are… Hum… Far too qualified for this job. So I was wondering if you would accept to become my Royal Adviser on Magical Affairs. You don't have to accept of course, we could find something else for you but…" Arthur just began rambling uselessly.

Merlin, however, could only gape at him. Was Arthur really proposing him a place as Royal Adviser? An _official_ place in the Council where he will be able to actually speak out? That must be a dream, surely.

He realized he must have been silent for a very long time when the people around him stared at him expectantly.

"I… I don't know what to say, Arthur." He spluttered confusedly. "I would have been happy to just stay your Manservant…"

"Even with all the chores and the getting up early in the morning?" Arthur said jokingly.

Merlin didn't laugh, still feeling too much shocked about what Arthur just proposed to him.

"Merlin?" Arthur prompted, looking worried at Merlin's unresponsive state.

"Are you sure?" Merlin breathed unbelievingly.

"Of course I am, Merlin."

"What if I'm rubbish at it?"

The King let out a bark of laughter. "And why would that be? You were already giving me advice for a long time. I'm just making it official."

Merlin gaped a bit more but then nodded hesitantly. "Well… Okay then… It will be my honour."

"Then a toast for our new Royal Adviser!" Gwaine exclaimed happily, raising his cup, followed by all the people around the table.

Merlin felt his cheeks burn at the attention and he ducked his head. Arthur clasped him on the shoulder and, looking up, he saw the King look at him with a proud smile, not one ounce of doubt in his eyes. Merlin felt somehow reassured by that but he couldn't stop the self doubt to make its way in his heart.

"Don't worry, Merlin, I'm sure you're going to be great." Gwen assured him.

"I hope." He answered with a slight smile.

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><p>Their meal lasted for a long time in a comfortable and friendly mood. Merlin felt joyful to be back with his friends and even more to be free of the weight of hiding his magic. He hadn't truly noticed how much of a burden it was until this moment when he could finally share stories with them without having to edit part of them to erase all mentions of magic. He had been a bit angry at Arthur and Gwaine for having told the other Knights but he understood why they had to do it and was glad that they had accepting him nearly without a second thought. It made his life look far more hopeful and bright, even if he knew that everything wasn't perfect now and they still would be some trials to go through during the next weeks if not years.<p>

Somewhere during the time of their meal, Elyan finally started asking questions about his magic and Merlin didn't hesitate to answer his questions and all the other's truthfully. They asked him when he decided to learn it and he explained to them that he had always had magic, that even before he could speak he was moving objects with his mind. He told them how it was driving his Mother crazy. He shared with them some of his childhood memories of how he had learn to hide his magic but still use it to discreetly help his mother by taking care of all the chores or making plants grow faster. Of course, at the time, he hadn't known any spells but, still, the nature had been answering his needs. Often, the Knights laughed but, watching Arthur, he could see guilt shining in his gaze and Merlin knew that he was probably, and very wrongly, feeling as if he was responsible for that.

"I was very happy, you know, despite having to hide and everything." He cleared out when it looked as if the King would open his mouth to apologize. "It was almost like a game to me. And when I grew up, my mother always made sure that I didn't feel too excluded."

Arthur let out a small smile, but Merlin knew it was still bothering him, and probably would for a long time.

"Then , why did she send you to Camelot?" Gwen asked curiously. "Surely she knew of the laws…"

"She did, but I don't think she thought it would still be that bad after twenty years. And she felt that I needed someone to teach me how to control my magic and to guide me, something she couldn't do as she hadn't magic and wouldn't be able to understand what I was going through. She trusted Gaius would be that person… And she was obviously right."

He finished with a sad smile, memories of the first time he met his mentor coming forth once more, and awkward silence fell over the room.

"Wait, you had magic since the beginning? So that fight in the market place… Did you use magic to win?" Sir Leon asked, remembering the first time he had heard talking about the young man that had insulted Prince Arthur even if he was a nobody.

Merlin smiled sheepishly, grateful for the distraction.

"Well, I couldn't let such an awful prat win, couldn't I? Someone needed to teach him a lesson in humility."

"What? But! That was cheating!" Arthur cried out, making everyone in the room laugh in good humor at their King's faked anger.

"Well, I had no chance to win and you began! I was about to just ignore you but you wanted to fight, so I did." Merlin answered, smiling good-naturally.

"And did you use your magic to win other fights?" Elyan asked.

"Well, yes, obviously, or else I wouldn't even be here. If Arthur is right on a point is that I'm not really good with a sword."

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><p><strong>So, did it reach your expectations guys? What else would you have liked to see in?<strong>


	39. Chapter 39

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**Just to warn you, this is going to be a pretty huge Author Note with a Big Announcement.**_

_**First, I hope that you had a good Christmas (even with the finale). I won't expand myself on it... I just want to say that I can't tell wether I'm pleased or not about how it ended. But, I think that it is indeed a good conclusion after all (even if it had broken my heart in tiny little pieces because GWAIIIIINE and ARTHUUUUUUR and the fact that he had accepted his magic and that the reveal was kind of great). Anyway...**_

_**Secondly, regarding this story I have to announce that this chapter may very well be the penultimate chapter. I have to say that I don't know how exactly this happened but I found myself writing chapter 40 and thinking that this could be the end. And it absolutly terrifies me. Really. I'm scared for the future. I loved this story so much! Hell I spent one year on it! And I feel, with your help, that it has been my best story so far and I'm worried I won't be able to make anything that good ever again... I know it probably sound stupid but it is the way I feel.**_

_**This then means that it is the moment to propose ideas for what you'd like to see, and maybe, maybe, you will give me ideas for a sequel.**_

_**Oh and I think I will miss you and your reviews the most! I love recieving PMs...**_

_**Anyway, now is not quite the end, I hope you will love this chapter because I absolutly loved writing it :D**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p>Chapter 39:<p>

Gwen listened to Merlin's stories with bated breath, her heart squeezing painfully in her chest in sympathy with him. He may have said he had a happy childhood, it didn't mean everything was as beautiful and happy as he made it sound like. She knew that he was very good at bending the reality to make it sound as if everything was alright when it wasn't. She had swear to herself that she would be more cautious now and wouldn't let herself be fooled again to believe Merlin blindly when he told her everything was alright. She didn't say anything, however, and let him talk, answering the questions the Knights were throwing at him about his real involvement in many of their adventures together.

She was baffled to hear how much he had really done when they all believed he was just hiding in a corner. Of course, she may have known more about his doing in the resolution of some problems they had encountered but she hadn't understiid just how vital he was. It made her all the more sad to learn of how much he had to struggle to keep them safe without being given any thanks all the while. Once more she wished she would have earlier, just so he wouldn't have thought he was alone, cursed to be forever in the shadows, risking his life. It made her want to hug him but she kept still in her chair, trying her best to mask her emotions from her eyes in order not to upset him.

She had to admit that Merlin seemed relieved. It was as if a new light had began shinning in his eyes. A light she hadn't noticed was missing until it appeared in the blue irises. His smile felt brighter and lighter and it seemed to bring a warm atmosphere in the room, even if the topic they were discussing was a serious one.

While continuing to watch Merlin carefully, she send a glance towards her husband, noticing he kept quiet, as if willing to let his best friend have the time to shine, finally letting him take all the credit he deserved. He caught her eyes and she wasn't surprised to find guilt in his. She had understood during the two weeks since his return from Ealdor that Arthur felt responsible for all that Merlin had to endure during his whole life. She had tried to tell him that it wasn't true and if someone should be held responsible it was Uther and the Great Purge but Arthur was a stubborn man and she knew it wouldn't be easy for it to admit it. She took his hand and discreetly squeezed it, before turning her gaze back to Merlin.

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><p>The conversation carried out for a very long time and night had already fallen for a long time. Candles had been magically lit but the Knights still had questions and Merlin continued answering them. He had even accepted to show them some magic and for many minutes they had just watched, filled with wonder at the display. It hadn't even been much, yet they had felt like children discovering the world.<p>

Gwen felt warmed at the carefree expression of Merlin during the afternoon and night. However, she began to notice that he seemed to tire and decided to interrupt the interrogatory he was under.

"I think it's late and we should all go to sleep." She interrupted as Gwaine was prepared to ask a new question.

The Knights seemed to want to protest but she glared at them and Arthur said.

"I think Guinevere is right. We can continue this conversation later on, can't we Merlin?"

"Oh yes, of course." Merlin answered, shaking himself from his slumped position in his chair.

"Good. I'll take you to your Chambers Merlin." Gwen announced, getting up under the curious glances of the Knights who didn't know of the surprise Gwen and Arthur had prepared for the Warlock.

Merlin was probably more tired than they thought because he didn't even protested but just got up, thank them profusely and let himself be led away by his Queen. When they were in the Corridor she looped her arm with his and addressed him a bright smile to which he responded happily.

"I thought that maybe you were beginning to be tired of all their questions." She told him in a conspirationally tone making him laugh softly.

"Yeah… But I deserved that, didn't I? It's the least thing I could do." He answered and Gwen held his arm more just as tightly against her heart.

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Gwen felt Merlin look around him.

"Where are you taking me?" He asked curiously.

"Well… I wasn't sure if you wanted to go back yet to Gaius' Chambers… So I made a room be prepared for you in the South West Tower…" She hesitated as he stopped walking to stare at her in disbelieve. "Of course, you don't have to accept it if you don't want to…"

She was cut by Merlin as he flung himself to her and hug her tightly. She smiled and answered it, squeezing him tightly.

"You didn't have to, Gwen, really, but thank you. Thank you so much." He told her before letting go of her.

"It's nothing Merlin, really. And you hadn't even seen it now, maybe you will hate it."

Merlin laughed and Gwen tugged on his arm to get him moving again. They walked for a few more minutes, getting up two flights of stairs and finally, Gwen stopped before a door. She had chosen the room they would give Merlin herself and supervised the preparations. She wanted him to feel welcome in it, she hoped he would, but she was still nervous. She opened the door and let him get in first before following. Merlin stood there, staring with wide eyes at the huge room around him. Gwen had chosen it because of the three big windows that would let under the sun enter and provide a beautiful view of the city, completed with the sunset. She had also decided to install a bookcase there and had asked Arthur to find some hidden magical books to put on it.

Gwen wriggled her hands nervously as she watched Merlin take on everything around him, his mouth falling open. She watched as her friend almost hesitantly took a step, then another one further in the room. She watched as his expression turned into wonder at what he was seeing with a smile.

He came near the bookshelf and curiously read some of the titles of the books there and took a surprised gasp.

"Gwen!" He breathed, turning towards her, incredulity written clearly on his face. "These books… They are books of magic…"

"Yes Merlin, indeed they are."

"But… Where did you find them? Gaius… Gaius told me they had all been destroyed during the Purge…"

"That's what Uther wanted everyone to believe, but Arthur knew the truth. Uther had hid them where no one could access to them. But now that magic is legal again and you Royal Adviser on Magical Affairs, we thought they might be far more useful here." She explained, watched as Merlin shook his head in disbelieve.

"You can't be serious Gwen!" He exclaimed a couple minutes later. "This room is fit for a noble! Not me!"

"From what I understood you are as noble as the Knights, Merlin. So I think it is quite fit for you. And Arthur agrees, in case you wonder." She answered him truthfully.

"But…" He tried to protest some more but Gwen interrupted him forcefully.

"But nothing Merlin. I won't accept any protestation so you very well should stop it now and get a good night of rest."

Merlin opened and closed his mouth a few time as if he wanted to say something but finally closed it and lowered his head.

"Thank you Gwen. This is fantastic."

"You're welcome. I'll go now. Have a good night." She said, kissing him lightly on the cheek before taking her leave.

When she arrived back at Arthur's room, she found him sitting on their bed, waiting for her.

"So, how did it go?" He asked the minute she closed the door, looking like an over-excited child. "Did he like the room?"

"Well it went just as you thought, said it was too good for him… But I think he liked it very much."

Arthur smiled broadly and Gwen couldn't resist to kiss him lightly, before preparing herself for bed, finally feeling as if everything would be alright.

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><p><strong><em>So, how was it? Did you like it? <em>**

**_(By the way, you would make my life by helping me reach 400 reviews!)_**


	40. Chapter 40

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**So, this is it. The last chapter of this fic.**_

_**What can I say? I am so sad to see it ending. I really want to tell you all a huge thank you! Thank to each and every one of you who had ever read this story! You all made 2012 a fantastic year for me! You can't even imagine how much you have brightened my life and I can't express to you enough of my gratitude for that. I will miss you all more than you think.**_

_**I want to say un special thanks to : whitecrossgirl because you have reviewed almost every chapter!, Alaia Skyhawk, Lady Willamina, ArodieltheElfofRohan, Merlinfanatic77, TeganL74 because you're review where always so wonderful, Merlin Lover for your amazing friendship towards me, Mediatrix, Ocean Mint Leaves, CaptainOzone, CarolinaEirasSa and my dear Beta May Glenn for all your encouragements! You have take as much credit as I do for this story because without you I probably wouldn't have been able to write 40 chapters!**_

_**Honestly, when I began this story a bit less than one year ago, I never, ever, thought it would be so succesful! I never thought it would change my life so much. I just hope that in the future my self doubt about my capacities won't strike too much...**_

_**Anyway, there is probably much, much more I want to say but well, you're not here to hear me ramble endlessly so I will just say that if you want to read more of my work, my future will be my one shot collection for the moment (and I take prompts, seriously, I love that :D). I'm also always open to some PM from you if you want to discuss. And you can also find me on twitter under the same name :) (if you're willing to put up with some french in your timeline).**_

_**For the last time, thank you and enjoy the last chapter. And if you could leave me a review on the chapter or the whole story, I would be over the moon.**_

_**Onwards!**_

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><p>Chapter 40:<p>

For a long time after Gwen left the room, Merlin just stood there in the middle of the – his – room, not knowing what to do. He hadn't been expecting that and he didn't feel like he deserved it, no matter what Gwen or anyone told him. He let his bag fall on the table near him and couldn't resist taking one of the magical books out of the bookcase. Eagerly, he began tumbling through it and, nearly without noticing it, sat himself at the table to read, his earlier wariness forgotten in front of the knowledge the old paper pages carried. He was amazed to see that this was a real magical book with spells and enchantment and stories about Sorcerers and magical battles. He had never seen such a thing as the only book he had truly had time to study was the one Gaius gave him.

He was so engrossed in his reading that he didn't notice the light of the candles dimming, nor when he fall asleep on his book.

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><p>Merlin was woken by a loud knock at the door. He jerked upright violently, his gaze scanning the room wildly and squinting in the daylight that streamed through the big windows. For a moment, he felt confused by the unfamiliar settings around him but then he remembered. The person behind the door knocked for a second time, even more loudly, before opening the door. The sound of the door opening sprang Merlin into action and he hastily closed the book, creating a huge cloud of dust that nearly made him sneeze.<p>

"Merlin?" The curious voice of King Arthur reached him and Merlin waved a hand at him in an awkward greeting gesture.

"Oh, hello Arthur." He answered, his voice still a bit rough with sleep. He cleared it and Arthur frowned as he took in the still perfectly made bed, the book on the table and his friend's disheveled appearance.

"Did you… Fall asleep on the table while reading Merlin?" He asked, clearly fighting a smile.

"What? Me? No… Not at all, no." Merlin tried to counter, really poorly even in his ears.

"You know, for someone who has hidden his magic for as long as you it is truly amazing how bad of a liar you are." Arthur commented while sitting himself at the table in front of Merlin.

The Warlock glared at him half-heartedly and settled back in his chair. Just as he was about to find a clever answer, a new knock interrupted him.

"Enter." Arthur called out and the door opened to reveal Georges, his arms loaded with a tray full of food.

"The breakfast you required, my Lord." He announced and even managed a bow.

"Ah, very good! Put it here Georges." The King instructed and Georges complied dutifully.

"Will there be anything else, Sire?" He asked once finished.

"No, thank you. You may leave."

"Thank you, my Lord." Georges bowed, then seemed to hesitate before turning towards Merlin. "It's good to see you back, Merlin." He added before leaving the room quickly.

Arthur and Merlin stared after him for a few seconds before bursting in laugh.

"Well… That was unexpected." Arthur said when he managed to take his breath back.

"But kind of nice." Merlin added before picking up a slice of bread.

The King and his Warlock ate in silence for a moment.

"I wanted to thank you, Arthur…" Merlin began after all the food on the tray had been eaten. "For the room and… Well everything I suppose…"

"There really is no need Merlin. Let's just say we're even as I should thank you for all the times you saved my life."

Merlin nodded shyly, unused to be acknowledged like that, making Arthur smile.

"Well, I'd love to stay here doing nothing." Arthur announced, a few minutes later, pushing himself up. "But, we have a Council Meeting we need to attend to and you need to get changed before it."

"What? Why?"

"Well, I can hardly announce you as my Royal Adviser on Magical Affairs when you look like that, can't I?" The King explained as if it was obvious and Merlin just gaped at him.

"You… You mean the Council doesn't know?" The Warlock asked unbelievingly and just a bit scared.

"Of course not."

"Of course." Merlin sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "And you don't think that is going to be a problem?"

"No. I don't care about what the Council thinks. I am the King and I chose my Advisers as I see fit." Arthur answered when his friend just kept staring at him.

Merlin didn't feel as convinced as Arthur sounded but he had no other choice but to do what the King had asked from him. He was about to open his bag to find a new shirt to wear when Arthur interrupted him.

"No need for your old stinking things Merlin, Gwen had taken on herself to find you some new ones to suit your new position."

Merlin turned sharply towards him and when he saw the King wasn't joking, he turned towards the closet of the room and opened the door. He was met by the sight of several colorful shirt made in a rich and soft fabric. His mouth fell open and he could just stare for a moment, completely speechless.

"Are you going to just stay there all day, Merlin? Because we are really beginning to be late" Came the voice of Arthur from the table. "Merlin?" The King asked when his friend didn't move.

"This… This is too much Arthur!... I… I can't accept that!" Merlin finally answered, turning towards the other man with his eyes wide.

Arthur sighed, shook his head and got up.

"Merlin this is nothing. Really. So, stop freaking out, put those clothes on and let's go."

"But…" Merlin tried to object.

"Shut up, Merlin." Arthur cut him before pushing his friends towards the changing screen.

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><p>It didn't take long for Merlin to change and then Arthur almost dragged him across the white halls of Camelot towards the Council Chambers. Of course, they arrived late and all nobles were already sitting when they went inside. Merlin felt his legs turn into jelly and he wished he could be everywhere else, even mucking the stables. He had never felt so nervous for anything than facing a room of aging nobles who looked at him with a mixture of suspicion and pity.<p>

Arthur indicated him to sit in the chair left empty at the right of his Throne before sitting himself. Merlin obeyed but kept his eyes firmly on the wooded table, hoping he could just blend in.

"My Lords," Arthur began, voice regal and powerful. "Thank you all for coming and joining me again today. I have an important announcement to make. As you well know, we've lifted the ban on magic. By doing so, we opened our lands to the practitioners of those arts. I believe that they will need someone to whom they will be able to express their problems and who could report directly to me and advise me. That's why I decided to open the position of Royal Adviser on Magical Affairs."

Arthur let the rumors of conversations between the members of the Council rise while Merlin tried his best not to listen and pretend he was elsewhere.

"Do you have someone in head, your Majesty?" Geoffroy asked with the expression of someone who already knew the answer of the question they were asking.

"In fact, yes, I do." Arthur answered with a smile and an expectant silence fell on the room. "I have decided to offer this position to my former manservant and friend Merlin and he has accepted."

"Merlin? The Servant boy?" A large noble, lord Rampston, asked disbelievingly, watching Arthur as if he has gone mad. "How could a peasant become a Royal Adviser?"

"Surely this boy can't have any knowledge to hold such a position." Another noble spoke at the same time.

Other nobles joined in and Merlin just bowed his head more, thinking about getting up and resigning, going back to the shadows that had always been his life. In fact, he had begun to push his chair back when Arthur lifted his hand.

"Silence!" He bellowed forcefully. "I know what you think and I can assure you your doubts are unfounded. May I remind you that Merlin, here, has trained ten years under the supervision of our Court Physician? I know for a fact that his knowledge on magic is quite extensive and I believe that the fact that he has no noble origins will allow him to be better accepted by people with magic. People that will surely be as weary of us that we are weary of them. It is my belief that Merlin is the right person to become a link between the magical and the non magical community. And furthermore I have complete trust in his council as he had proved himself to be a valuable ally to this Kingdome for the past ten years."

Merlin looked up at Arthur in disbelieve. He had a hard time not to let his mouth gape open. It was a thing to hear Arthur tell him that he trusted him or that he forgave him but it was something completely else to hear him pledge his trust to the all Court. He felt tears building in his eyes and his heart warm at the idea. The feeling didn't last long, however, as some of the Lords began arguing once more.

"He is too young Sire."

"I don't care that he trained under Gauis', he's still only a Servant!"

"You can't possibly value the words of a peasant as much as one of a noble! It goes against everything your Father ever tried to teach you!"

"My Lords!" Arthur interrupted them again, and this time everyone could hear the steel in his voice that didn't hid the underlying anger. "I didn't come here to ask for your permission. I came here to inform you that, for now on, Merlin will be a member of this Court in the same title than any of you and that he will be respected as such. Now if none of you has anything else to say on the matter, the Council is dismissed."

Some Lords looked like they wanted to protest some more but instead just glared down at Merlin before getting up and leaving the room. Merlin felt his back crawl with unease but took all his willpower not to look down and waited for the Council doors to close before sagging in his seat.

For a long time, only the heavy breathing of Arthur could be heard as he tried to calm down.

"Are you alright?" The King asked when he noticed Merlin's slumped behavior.

The Warlock thought about the question for a long time, debating if he should tell the truth to Arthur.

"What if they are right Arthur?" He said quietly, refusing to meet his friend's eyes. "What if I can't assume the role of Royal Adviser?"

Merlin heard Arthur took a deep inspiration and released it slowly.

"Merlin. Look at me." He began in that tone of voice that cannot be ignored. "I'm going to repeat that one more time and, this time, you are going to listen and actually believe in what I say, okay? I have every trust in you and I know you are the only one that can take this job. I would have made you Court Sorcerer have I not wanted to keep your magic a secret from our enemies for the moment."

"But the Lords…" Merlin opposed, watching Arthur.

"I don't care about the Lords' opinion Merlin. They don't know you as I do. So stop doubting yourself and stop listening to them. I am sure you will show them how wrong they were without long."

Merlin closed his mouth, feeling, maybe for the first time in a long time, self-doubt leaving him.

"You really meant what you told them Arthur?" He asked finally.

Arthur put his hands on Merlin's shoulders and squeezed them tightly, fixing his eyes on his friend, Sorcerer, Protector's ones.

"Yes Merlin. I did." The King of Camelot answered with a smile.

And Merlin then smiled a smile so bright he could have blinded the whole room because, finally, after living in the shadows and suffering more than anyone ever should, he felt completely free.

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><p><strong>I promised a happy end and here you have. I truly hope you liked it!<strong>

**So now, everything is up to you. I may be a sequel but I lack ideas for the moment so, do you think I have missed things in this story? Ideas of what could happen next? **

**Anything else to say?**

**Hopefully, I'll see you soon.**

**Goodbye.**


	41. Sequel

**_No, you're not dreaming, just a quick note to tell you that the sequel to this story has finally been posted! _**

**_it's called "Lighting a flame" and I really hope you will go and give it a chance! (the link can be found in my profile)_**

**_Thank you all to still read, review, alert and favourite this story! _**

**_This is just unbelievable and means far more than you could possibly imagine!_**


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